Wanna REALLY piss me off?

Throw a sippy cup at my face while I'm playing on my phone.

As soon as I wake up..... I mean IMMEDIATLY..... Start demanding juice and Daniel Tiger.

Start screaming in the middle of the night, at the top of your lungs, for no reason.

Rub your stickey hands all over the window I just washed.

Ask me how to do something after I spent 15 minutes explaing how to do something

Tell me you will babysit then say your too tired

Make me chase your naked ass all over the house while you laugh and I hold back tears

Eat a new recipe I made and say "it's ok"

Ask me if there is any way I can tip toe any quieter

Make a comment about how our floors are a hot mess AFTER I mopped and swept

Tell me "no" when I ask if you wanna shotgun a beer with me

Put the coffee creamer back in the fride with 1/8 teaspoon left in the bottle

Ask me if I ate my placenta

Show me a picture of  Channing Tatum and his wife kissing

Give me $10,000 in technology and don't let me use it cause it's broke

Tell me that you pooped your pants..... On purpose

Put a load of laundry in the washer and leave.... Forever

Try to compete with me on whose pregnancy was harder..... When your 16.

Ask me why I'm tired

Punch me in the nose then laugh hysterically

Allow me to step in dog poop, barefoot

Burp then blow it in my face

Ignore my text messages

Spray water in my face, blinding me,  from the kitchen sink sprayer, for  a solid 45 seconds until I just start to sob

Tell me your entire birth story

Throw a temper tantrum in the middle of a birthday party because I won't allow you to pee in the yard

Tell me that the fun at  golf tournament is very  similar to the fun that happens while  tailgating in order to convince me to go..... Then give me (1) warm La Batts Blue and an apple.

Question my interior design style...... When your a man

Don't be at all sympathetic and understanding  when I'm sick..... When your 4.

Ask me if I wanna order pizza after I just started a cleanse

Tell me it's not safe to eat cookie dough because there are raw eggs in it

Bad mouth Michael Jackson

Quiz me on my biblical knowledge

Give me 2nd place in the District Teacher of the Year  contest and then fire the person who got 1st place for giving oral sex to a student

Loose the TV remote control

Make fun of me because I can't tell time when you can't use the correct version of  "there and their"

Hey Jealousy.

Jealous: Adj. feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages

We've all been there. And if you haven't, your a big ole liar whose pants are on fire!

I've been jealous and I've had others jealous of me. Both situations totally suck.

Situation #1: When you are jealous

You see her. There she is. She's got it all put together. House, kids, husband, career, finances, style, friends, personality,  mothering ability, beauty, faith, intelligence, health.

You see her and you hate yourself.

You see her and you hate her.

The feeling of jealousy hurts. It take everything out of you and all you do is focus on what you don't have, never will have, and question how SHE could possibly have it.

You think such ugliness about her and as a result, you yourself become uglier than you were before.

You glare at her, try to make her look bad at any chance you get, gossip about her to others, hope she fails, treat her like she's a nobody, make her feel stupid and embarrassed in public, ignore her.

You get soooo annoyed when other people praise her and you ALWAYS have a bitchy comeback just to make sure she gets knocked down a notch. You criticize EVERYTHING she does.....because she makes you miserable.

How does she do it?!?

She's got it so easy.

I wish I had the money to dress my kids in nothing but brand names. I wish I had matching outfits to dress them in, a different pair of shoes for Cece to go with every outfit, and dressed Leo in trendy, layered clothes, making him look dapper at the age of 4. 

I wish I had her job because it's GOT to be better than mine and sure as hell must pay better.

I wish I had her genes..... naturally skinny and muscular. She has no idea what it's like to work your ass off at the gym (literally).  Doubt she has ever counted calories or went to bed hungry, only to wake up in the middle of the night thinking about that ice cream in the freezer. I bet her thighs don't rub together when she walks and her size 8 is always available in every store. Oh, and I bet her boobs are amazing.

I wonder is she is on anti-depressants?

bahahahahahahaha

 I wish I had friends like hers.... her and her friends always seem to be doing something fun. Spa days! Shopping trips! Winery! Trips! Concerts! I envy all the fun she has.

 I wish I had her faith. I wish I was a regular at my church, on every committee and part of every group. I wish I kept God 1st in my life at all times, constantly worked with Him and made time for Him everyday like she does.

I wish my style was like hers. I bet she hired an interior decorator... cause these is no way in hell she's THAT creative. And as far as her wardrobe..... I bet she's never even heard of a FB auction site where you bid on used clothing or I bet she doesn't get as excited when Walmart has their fall clothes come out. I wish I knew what it felt like to wear $100 jeans, have 25+ pairs of shows, and rock a new winter coat every winter.

I bet her kids never get dirty or have dirt under their fingernails. I bet they never have pop, handfuls of chocolate chips,  square Kraft cheese slices that are not real cheese, cookies for breakfast, or instant microwave mac and cheese for dinner twice in a week. I bet they read books every night, go to bed on time,  sleep in their own beds, and do crafts together on the weekends. I bet she NEVER yells. Ever. I bet she doesn't spank her kids. I bet her kids have never told her they hated her or they are running away. I guarantee you she has never lost her shit in the car van in the chick-fil-a parking lot.

I bet she doesn't stare at her cell phone for hours at night, instead of playing with her kids.  I bet she doesn't FB, tweet, or Instagram because she's too busy for such nonsense.

I hate her. I hate her because I'm jealous of her. .Because I'm so insecure. Because I have a warped sense of reality. Because my expectations for life are not realistic. Because I've failed in certain areas of my life and she hasn't.

Is hating this woman unfair? Absolutely. I know NOTHING about the life she lives. Nothing. My jealousy has nothing at all to do with her. She is just an innocent by-standard. 

"She" by the way doesn't even really exist.

 "She" could be a combination of people I know very well  and people who I see on the street. The constant comparing of me to "her" is exhausting.

You've been there, right? You do this too, right?

Damnit is annoying, isn't it?









Situation #2: Someone is jealous of you.

I think this sucks just as bad as feeling actual jealousy.

When people are jealous, its pretty obvious.

So... all you out there who are eaten up with jealously,..... your not foolin' anyone. Its obvious.

Jealous people are mean, bitchy, competitive, cold, weak, fake, and never (ever) happy.  

When someone is jealous of you, you can sense it, can't you? Just by their body language, their tone, and their expressions.

When someone is jealous of you they do a great job of making you feel like a complete dumbass.

They say things like.... 

"You are crazy for getting up so early to work-out... hahah..... you are nuts."

or

"I cant believe you actually took time to do that!" or "I would never spend that much time on decorating my classroom. I have a life. haha"

They are amazing at giving "back handed compliments".

 A "back handed compliment" is a compliment followed by a slap in the face.

Example:

"Your wedding ring is beautiful! I wish I got everything I wanted like you always do." 

 "You dress so nice. Appearances must be really important to you."

"Your house is always so clean! I wish I had OCD."

"You always have the coolest birthday party ideas for your kids! Who are you trying to impress?"

They ask you questions, but really don't expect an answer.

 Example:

 "You really care what you look like, don't you?"

"Wouldn't you rather spend time with your kids?

"You have a lot of free time, don't you?."

"Who do you dress up for everyday?"

"You seriously decorate your house for Fall? You're kidding, right?"

They assume things about you or make statements about you that are not true.

Like,

"She never eats anything good."

"She spends too much time and money at the gym."

"She is so self-absorbed."

"She is never home with her kids."

"She's just weird."

They try to ruin any success you experience... big or small.

Example:

"You won  the "Teacher of the Year" award? That's great. I'm sure it's easy to win an award like that if you teach in a small school district."

"You have run in 3 half marathons? That's great. But, you didn't run the whole time did you? So, technically you cant say that you "ran 3 half marathon's,"

"It's so great that you were able to spend a couple days at the beach with your friends!!  I could never leave my kids for that long. I'm too dedicated to them... but good for you for taking time for yourself!"

"Awe, How's Leo? I heard he has an earache. Poor little guy. I bet it's because you didn't breastfeed him."

They roll their eyes at you.
They make you feel inferior.
They ignore you.
They laugh at you.
They bring you down.
They are always "just kidding"
They always smile and give a little laugh after a comment that was made to hurt you.
They don't ever listen to you.
They never ask you questions about anything important.












So which situation have you ever experienced?  Are you the jealous type? Or do you always seem to be on the receiving end of other peoples jealousy?

Well, I'm lucky.

I experience both.

 All the time.

Jealous?

Jealousy is something I pray about all the time.  If this is something you struggle with...... know you are not alone. Keep working at trying to overcome it. I will if you will.

xoxo

Showed up and Showed out.

This weekend, God really showed up and showed out in my life.

That is one of my favorite sayings from when we used to live in South Carolina.

"God showed up and showed out"

I remember hearing this phrase for the first time and thinking, "Wow. I like that. It makes sense to me."

Because I have a strong faith, I know that God is always present in my life.... always.... but sometimes it's hard to see, feel, or sense His presence.

But then there are times when His presence is not questionable! These are the times when he "shows up and shows out".  I experience this "showing out and showing up" twice last weekend.

Yesterday was a pretty normal Sunday for our family. We didn't have a lot planned and that was fantastic! By the time everyone got out of bed, we had decided that Leo and Toby were going to go to watch horse races in Delaware and Cece and I were going to spend the day together. Perfect!

As soon as this was decided, I looked at Cece and asked, "Do you want to go to church with me?"

Her eyes beamed at me and she squealed "YES!"

I was immediately excited for church. Normally, I am not. Normally I am stressed out, rushed, anxious, and hesitant.

To anyone who has ever had to get toddlers ready for church on Sunday morning, then I don't need to explain myself here.

But for those of you who are not yet blessed with this task, let me just tell you that sometimes it's easier to stay home.

For those of you who flawlessly get your children ready for church on Sunday morning, skip out the door, and drive off...... I envy you. I also question you.....

Anyway....

I was excited to go to church THIS morning, because I was only taking Cece.

Cece is my easy one.

 Cece is my "go with the flow", "Ill try anything", "I just want to be with mommmy" one.

She has been like this since the day she was born. She was/is always happy to just "be there".

So, this Sunday, I flawlessly got Cece ready and we skipped out the door, and drove off. Seriously. We did. I'm telling you..... she's easy.

When we got to church, we did our normal routine, got situated, and the service started.

Cece makes my heart ache sometimes because she is just so darn sweet.

I watched her sing (loud) along with the music, not knowing ANY of the words. I watched her sway back and forth to the music. I watched her search the crowd for her BFF, Charlie. I watched her sit in her seat; feet kicking and dangling off her chair. I watched her sprint up front for the children's message, holding on tightly to her purse and Hello Kitty doll. I watched her look back at me during the children's message several times, scrunch up her shoulders, smile a HUGE grin so her eyes barely looked open, and wave the tinniest wave to me with her little hand.

And then I watched her do this....

The pastor said, "Let us pray" and as I bowed my head, folded my hands, and closed only one eye (the other was sneaking a peek at Cece off to my right) , God showed up and showed out.

What I saw Cece do stabbed me in the heart, caught my breath, and transformed my face into a sad puppy dog expression....

She was holding her Hello Kitty doll and her head was bowed. Her eyes were closed and she was (wait for it.......)

HOLDING HELLO KITTY'S HANDS IN A PRAYING FORMATION!

Be still my heart.

It was THE MOST precious sight I have truly ever witnessed.

At that moment, I felt God's presence more than I had in a long time.

The other situation where God showed up and showed out was on Saturday. I'm not going to mention where I was or what I was doing..... because it's not important.

But what God did for me in that moment was powerful, necessary, and was a reminder that He is always working on me, steering me away from sin, even when I feel ignored.

The situation involved gossip.

Gossip about a person.

Negative, degrading, embarrassing gossip.

It seemed like everyone was contributing to the gossip and it was a moment of conversation between people that was heavy and moving very fast. I had decent information that I COULD HAVE contributed to this conversation. I had "dirt" on this person as well, and I KNOW that if I added my "dirt" to this conversation it would defiantly turn heads. Bringing this information to the table would have made me stand out to the others involved. They would listen to me and I would feel more accepted and liked by the group.

I sat and listened to the conversation.... remembering that "dirt" that I had. Thinking to myself that this is the perfect opportunity to bring up the information I had.

But, something kept my mouth shut.

Something enabled me to find an opening in the conversation to speak up.

Something made my heart ache for the person who was the topic of the gossip.

Something made me think.

Not once.... but twice.

This conversation ended and the moment for me to contribute passed me by.

But, then the same conversation came up again about 2 hours later.

 I had ANOTHER chance to add my salt to the wound of this persons dignity and confidence.

But, something kept my mouth shut.... again.

It was God... showing up and showing out.

Laying his hand on my shoulder and telling me to keep quiet. 

I felt it and I listened to it and I obeyed it.

Could I have done more in this situation? Absolutely.

I could have stopped the conversation. I could have spoken up and shook my finger at the others involved and said "shame on you......".

I could have done that.... but I didn't.

And I'm OK with that because God told me to do what He knew I'd be comfortable doing.

Baby steps.

I'm not perfect. VERY far from it. I gossip all the time. More than I'd like to admit. It's like eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream.... I know I shouldn't..... I know it's bad for me.... I know I'll regret it.... yet I do it anyway.

God knows my struggles and He knows that "I'm working at it". I apologize everyday for all the wrongs I do and He hears me.

This was a situation where he showed up and showed out and worked with me on taking baby steps toward eventually fixing this sin... my sin.

Who knows when this will happen again..... God showing up and showing out.

Maybe not for awhile or maybe tomorrow at lunch.  But whenever He decides to show up and show out, I'll feel it coming in loud and clear. I hope.

The Things You Say.

Leo is 4
Cece is 3

The things that they say are the highlight of my day!

 I wish I could remember it all!!

 Every hilarious word used incorrectly, every word pronounced wrong, every crazy question, every angry comment, every heart breaking statement, every sweet phrase.

There are so many times a day when one of them says something and I look around to see if anyone else heard what I did...... and I am the only adult in the room. THAT is frustrating because 95% of the time, I forget to share that moment with Toby or my mom or mother in law or the butcher.

I thought that I would attempt to jot down all the memorable things that Cece and Leo are saying or have said in the past 3 months.

 I don't ever want to forget these and I'm sure they will find joy is reading this post someday and hopefully it will make them smile.

"Mom, I love you" (aboput every 20  min) - Cece Grace

"Mom, Your my best friend" - Cece Grace

"YOU'RE NOT MY BEST FEIEND ANYMORE!" (After she gets in trouble) -Cece Grace

"I love you so hard" - Cece Grace

"I super super love you" - Cece Grace

"Mom, don't ever go away" - Cece Grace

Will you seep with me?" - Cece Grace

Substituting the word "me" for "I" - Cece Grace (ex: "Me going to go to bed. Me tired.)

"Dance cass!!!" - Cece Grace

"I have the die-a-wee-a" - Cece Grace

"My butt is squishy" - Leo Beck

"Get all cuddy (cuddley) " - Cece Grace

"I don't believe it!" - Leo Beck when he gets in trouble

"Not again!" - Lero Beck when he gets in trouble

"That hurt my feelings"- Both of them

"Is it Mommy's Day? " - Both of them

"I wanna watch the bunny rabbit" - Leo Beck when referring to Bugs Bunny

"Hugh-ee-a-dew-ee" - Both of them when they call out for our "pet ducks" from the pond (Hewy, Dewy, and Louie)

"Holy Cow!" - Leo Beck

"Are you watching the man go down the hole?" - Both of them when referring to the Netflix show, "Prison Break"

"Im not Cecile! I'm Cece!" - Cece Grace

"Its mine! It says, "C-E-C-E"! - Cece Grace when Leo takes her stuff

"Did you bring a special treat?" - Both of them when I pick them up from school
"I sure do love you!" - Both of them

"Mommy, God did that!" - Both of them when they see a pink sky during a sunset

"We don't say, "Oh My God", we say "Oh My Gosh"- Both of them

"I'm telling Papa Ogle on you" - Leo Beck when I do something he doesn't like

My hope is that when I read through these in 15 years I will still be able to hear their little, sweet, unable to pronounce their "r's", innocent voices in my head!

Confessions.

Cece grabbed my toothbrush the other day and put it in her mouth. I didn't freak out.

When Toby is not home I am a slacker mom. I skip baths, eat junk for dinner, and let the kids stay up too late.

I'm FINALLY (after 25 years) getting a tooth implant. We absolutely cannot afford this procedure. But Im doing it anyway. Im too damn old to be wearing a retainer.

Im newly addicted to the show "Naked and Afraid". At first it was the nakedness that attracted me.... but now it's the thrill of seeing if they will survive.

This is the 1st Presidential election I have ever been interested in. And its totally because of The Donald. My dad would flip out! I can hear him laughing now!

I might have taken Leo's sippy cup out of the dishwasher before I washed it and  gave it to him to drink.

Cece may have had a wet diaper laying on her dresser for 8 hrs.

I get about 35% of my clothes off a FB site called "Classey Closet" and I LOVE it!

I have not used any form of soap for 2 months. (check out NORWEX!)

I put on perfume before I go to the gym just in case my deodorant ever stops working

I'm a professional at making plans and breaking them

I'm doing my 3rd half marathon next weekend.

I'm TERRIBLE with any type of number..... I can't make change, I can't tell time on a clock, I constantly forget how old I am or how many years I've been teaching, I can never remember  the day and year of my kids birth, and I still count on my fingers to add. I blame this allllllllllll on my Jr High math teacher. He terrified me and  forever made math something not fun for me.

I still hate driving a van.

Toby and I had to stop watching "Prison Break" on Netflix because I was starting to develop a massive crush on Michael Scofield (Wentworth Miller)


And that's about all I can share at this point.....

Tried and Failed.

Have you ever tried SO HARD at something only to completely and totally fail at it?

Like, not even coming close to achieving what you were trying SO HARD to achieve? 

This devastating situation happened to me a few days ago.

 Here's what went down...

I get up early in the morning and go to the gym.

Like 4:40am early.

I realize that this is not normal, but "normal" is not what I am nor what I try to be.

Anyway, when my alarm goes off at 4:40am, I can't turn it off fast enough. Not only because I can't stand the terrifying and stressful  sound of any type of alarm (one of my greatest fears), but also because it is my first attempt at trying sooooooo hard not to wake anyone up.

After I grab my phone, like a mouse trap slamming closed on a rat's tail, I immediately find the correct buttons to press (in total blindness) to stop the loud intro music to Kelly Clarkson's hit song, "Catch my Breath". Sometimes I am trying soooooo hard to be "quick like squirrel", that it actually makes me fumble around more and take longer than I would like. If Kelly gets to the 2nd verse, I know I've taken too long and  there is a chance that at any second someone is gonna awake from their slumber.

If all goes as planned,  then I am ready to start my decent from my bed.

I don't dare lay my phone back down on the nightstand table, for fear of it making a "thump" sound, so I keep it in my hand as I gently and gingerly slip my legs out from under the covers, careful not to move too quickly and wobble the mattress, or in a terrible situation, make a mattress spring sweak.

Once successfully out of the bed, I tippy toe, like a cat burglar, toward the  bathroom door. In total darkness, I reach for the door handle and grasp my hand tightly around it.

 I have found that the tighter I hold the handle, the less noise it makes when I turn it.

 I s-llll-o-w-l-y turn the handle to the left just the tiniest bit, enough to unlatch the door from the door jam.

 I don't dare let go of the handle because that (of course) would make some sort of sound and I'm sure someone would suddenly  sit straight up in bed........ like Dracula in his coffin.

I keep my hand (still very tightly) on the handle and s-lllll-o-w-l-y lower the handle back down to its original position.

The door at this point is opened just enough to allow me to slide into the bathroom sideways, sucking in my stomach, holding my breath,  and turning my face in  the opposite direction so my nose doesn't get bumped.

When my bare feet feel the chill of the bathroom floor, I know I have done well.

The process of slipping my hand back out the door to reach around the corner and flip on the light switch is relatively easy and sound-less.....

unless you accidently flip on the bathroom fan instead of the light and all hell breaks loose and the dog thinks the garage door just opened.

I continue to put my contacts in, brush my teeth, get dressed (in my attire that has been previously planned and laid out neatly by the bathroom sink the night before), brush my hair and pull it back, put on deodorant, and put on my shoes........ all in slow, steady movements.

 I make sure the water is on just a tiny trickle so it doesn't sound like the ocean tide is coming in.

 I try to slip out of and into my clothes literally one toe at a time.

I open the drawers and cabinets slowly, silently, and with caution, and I never, I repeat NEVER, flush the toilet. 

That would be suicide.

Once finished, I start my decent out into the wild....... and toward the kitchen.

I exit the bathroom the same way I entered. I pay close attention to every step I take from this point on..... making sure my tennis shoes do not squeak on the hard wood floor.

I creep like a band student in a parade...heel to toe, heel to toe, heel to toe..... all the way to the kitchen.

At this point I have to tackle the task of feeding the dog.

 In the dark.

In silence.

Deep breath... this one is a toughie.

This act includes the following actions: opening the fridge, taking out dog food and medicine, opening cabinet to get dog food plate, opening silverware drawer to get a fork, scooping out and mashing up disgusting vomit-like dog food, opening another cabinet and getting medicine dropper, sucking up medicine into device, injecting the medicine into mashed up vomit like dog food, putting lid back on the dog food, opening the fridge door, putting food and medicine back, (I usually grab my water bottle for the gym at this point because there is no way I am opening the fridge door for the 3rd time because  THAT would wake the neighbors. )

Once breakfast for queen Gertrude is prepared and all supplies are place back in their proper location, I band-walk back to the bathroom and ever so gingerly lay the dish down on the floor.

Still in darkness.

Still in silence.

I practically army crawl to the garage door, grasp the doorknob in my hand, turn s-llll-o-w-l-y, pull with force cause the door sticks, cringe as I open it cause there is no way to avoid making some sort of noise with this activity.

Sometimes I open the door slowly and sometimes I whip it open like one would rip off a band aid, fast and pain(noise)less.

At this point, I'm in the clear to make a little more noise.

 The stress of waking a sleeping giant (or giants in this situation) is over and I have made it out alive.

Now its time to get in the van, head to the gym, get my heart rate up (and try not to vomit if it is a cardio day) for the next 45 min, drive home, exit the van, and proceed to enter the still dark, still sleeping house with careful, quiet, thoughtful moves until I am safe inside the shower.

Its a lot of work to be super quite in the morning.

I really, genuinely try VERY hard to make as little sounds as possible.

When I got home from work the other day someone (who shall remain nameless) said this:

"Do you think you could be just a little quieter in the morning before you go to the gym?"

A blank stare came across my face.

I think I stopped breathing.

And then I lost my sh*t.

NOTHING is more frustrating that trying your absolute hardest at something, only to find out that you are not succeeding.

If this has happened to you or is currently happening to you... know you are not alone......... and it's OK if you have a nervous breakdown over it.

Christmas 2014

Christmas is almost here!

This Christmas is so fun with Leo and Cece! Not that other Christmas's haven't been fun, but this is the 1st Christmas where BOTH of them understand the concept.... somewhat.

We have adopted an elf from the north pole named Ceceil. Leo could care less that Ceceil "watches" him and reports back to Santa on his behavior. Leo has told me several times that he's gonna "spank that Cecil". Nice.

Cece liked Ceceil at first, then suddenly got scared of him. But.... she always is the first to find him and then dramatically waves her hand to summon people over to where he is, all while screaming "comehere comehere!"

They both have visited Santa twice. Leo just wanted the free candy cane and Cece was terrified.  Very typical for them right now.

The list for Santa this year was not very demanding.

All Leo wants is "presents" and Cece wants "the purple one". (??)

After many discussions with Santa himself, we have decided that Leo and Cece will receive the following gifts this year......

Leo



Santa's goal with this gift is to improve Leo's foul shots AND cure his fear of the dark.

It was on sale. He will love it. We have a basement now.

 




Kid could eat these allllll day. Everyday.


 

















Cece

Girl is obsessed with this movie. And is jealous of her brothers big wheel.

It was part of a BYGO free. She will love the hair.

This is also an attempt to prevent her fear of the dark.

1 gift for 2 kids

just plain cool and much cleaner than Play Dough. Thanks, Santa.

with our new house also comes a new pond. With fish.

Both of them love this cartoon. When they are 16 years old Im gonna make them watch it over and over and over and over so they finally realize how annoying this kid actually is.

They both love to paint, color, cut, and draw. This will be a good gift.

Another BOGO free. Good movie and I know they will like it.
 

So there you have it! Santa's sack for 2014! There is not enough room to post all the things Nonnie, Jilly, Grandma, and Grandpa are getting the kids.  Thank goodness we have a basement!!!