I saw it and immediately smiled!
We all looked sooooo young! Not a care in the world! Having a "good ole time" in Bowling Green! I remember that night, as well as that party. The people in the picture are people I hung around with. I considered them my friends. I spent time with them practically every weekend. I went to HS with all of them and we continued to hang with each other all through college. The grey haired politician, the cow, the boy scout, and I haven't seen in years! Would love to see them again and catch up! The other two gals I have seen....the genie continues to be one of my BFF's to this day.
HERE IS SAID PICTURE:
I looked at this picture, smiled, laughed out loud, and continued with my day.
But still kept thinking about it. About that party and who I was then and who I am now. I started looking at the details of that picture and started to remember a little more about it than I did at first.
Looking at that picture now makes my stomach turn upside down and makes me want to cry.
This picture was (obviously) taken in October. My heart had just been broken by a boy who I thought I was gonna marry. My dad was dead for just a year. My friend (the genie) had just told me some "gossip" that hurt my heart.
I remembeedr that night well. It was all coming back....
That red dress I am wearing was an old bridesmaid dress. The couple of that wedding is no longer together. That made me start thinking about the groom and how much he changed and how much of a ponytail he became. I also began thinking about the bride and how she is still an extremely great friend and is still the sweetheart she was back then! Made me think about how lucky she was to get out of that relationship! She's since re-married to a fantastic man, has a beautiful daughter, and another baby on the way.
I remember that I was working at JC Penney at this time. I was forced to take a year off from teaching because I couldn't pass the SS PRAXIS test. I was working at a middle school in Findlay the year before and loved that job more than words could ever describe. But I lost that job and was forced to pay my bills working retail. Worst. time. in. my. life.
I remember that the genie and I decided to go to this party at the last minute. I remember my mom helping me decide "what to be". We decided on "Miss America" and I went to the mall to get the crown, sash, and necklace.
I remember that I wore heels to the party. (trying to stay in character!)
I also remember walking home from the party to the genie's apartment (on the other side of BG) in bare feet.
I was also grieving the loss of my dad, and to be honest, I don't think that I really believed he was really "gone" yet. I'll never forget crying on the genie's apartment steps one night after a party (was it this party?) because I missed him so bad. I'll never forget how she put her arms around me and just sat with me. Thanks, genie.
I was working a job I hated and I was STILL taking that effin test. I was broke and had a hole in my heart oceans wide.
I remember forcing myself to go to this party. Forcing myself to get dressed up. Forcing my self to smile. Especially in that picture. I remember how I thought about the man who broke my heart alllllll night long and wanted to know so bad what he was doing that night. I remember that I deleted his phone number from my old school cell phone so I wouldn't be tempted to call him after too many Halloween cocktails. I remember how bad I wish I hadn't had done that. I remember how I had to take deep breaths to keep my stomach from hurting and to keep the pain in my heart away.
Looking at this picture makes me sad.
But, it also makes me proud.
Proud that the genie and I are still very close.
Proud that I am still in contact with the cow, boy scout, and the politician via FB.
Proud that I overcame that terrible heartache.
Proud that I kept trying at that damn test and finally passed.
Proud that I didn't stay in retail and went back to teaching.
Proud that I finally learned how to grieve and accept the loss of my dad.
Proud of my friend, who moved on from the jerk of a man she was once married to.
Proud that I kept those heels on all night, just like Miss America would and should.
Proud that I DID get my heart broken. Proud that I was able to move on......and get a job, move to SC, find Toby, marry him, have children......
Proud that through all the sh** I was going through at that time, there was still a smile on my face in that picture.
I think I was 23 or 24 in this picture.
If I could talk to my 23 or 24 year old self, I'd say this.....
"Good job, girl! Good job for keeping your chin up and putting a smile on your face....... even though you were the lowest you've ever been. Good job."
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