FEAR.

I wanted to write another blog, but I was stuck on a topic.

I didn't really have anything I felt was "worth writing about".

I didn't want to bore people with anymore randomness....a little of that can go a long way.

I didn't have any funny (or what I think are funny) stories to share.

I didn't have any issues I wanted to bring up (not on this blog anyway....).

So, I guess you could say, I was in a "blah" state of mind.

So, I decided to reach out to my "creative peeps" and asked them to recommend some topics of which I could write. I got some GREAT suggestions, and you can bet your bottom dollar that after Leo is born, I will have a wide variety of blog topics!

But, it was my friend, Melanie, who gave me the topic for this blog. Thanks, Mel.

FEAR.

I would not consider myself a "scardy-cat" or a "whimp" or a timid person. I consider myself to be very brave, actually. I mean, I did move 600+ miles away from my friends and family, all alone, not knowing ANYONE, with no money or furniture, to start a new life for myself. That was kinda scary. I did play with an ouija board. That's really scary. I did watch "Paranormal Activity". SO scary that I regret it to this day. But there are some things in life that scare the be-jezz-us outta me! Here is one of them.

I am scared of bugs and insects. Any kind. Any number of legs. Anything with wings. Anything with antennas. Anything with an outer shell. Anything slimy. Anything with a stinger, fangs, pincher's, or claws. Anything the buzzes. Terrified. SO horrified, in fact, I have been know to completely and totally embarrass and loose myself ,and all dignity, in this fear.

I have been known to call my husband and past roommates in fits of terror, to PLEASE come home from work and KILL a "gigantic creature from Hades" that has had me locked in my bedroom for hours. (Yes they did it, cause they love me and understands my fear. That's love.)

I have been known to rip off articles of clothing faster than you can slap a tic, in the middle of my apartment parking lot, down to my undergarments, because a monster had it's sharp claws attached to my shirt. (and then my pants).

I have been know to stand on top of furniture, preforming a circus-worthy balancing act, in order to escape being trampled by a beast with more legs than I thought was humanly possible.

I have been known to let out shrill and painful screams and flip over desks, in an attempt to avoid a mutant that fell out of the lecture hall ceiling and landed DIRECTLY in MY lap! That professor, I swear, to this day hates me and thinks I am a psycho.

I have been known to abandon innocent children, who I was responsible for at a church camp, because a God-awful organism got in the way of them and me. "Save yourselves!!!"

I have been known to skip a shower for 3 days in a row.....don't judge...... (while at the same church camp mentioned above) because of all the flying insects that congregated around the night lights in the bathrooms. I'll take being "funky" for a few days over running through black clouds of bugs any day!

I have been known to decorate my apartment balcony with beautiful wind-chimes, comfortable chairs, pretty flowers, and citronella candles.....all to be totally UN-USED, due to the fact that I once saw a bug the size of a soccer ball sunning itself on the balcony railing. Never. Went. Out. There. Again.

I have been known to "jump ship" off of a paddle-boat (failing and wailing my arms and legs) into a lake full of algae, seaweed, and who-knows-what kinds of animals, in order to flee the presence of 8 legs and a hairy body. I left my sister, alone, in the paddle boat..... crying. I still feel bad about that. Sorry, Jill.

I have been known to abandon my car on a major interstate, leaving the engine running and driver side door open, and flag down other passing cars, praying for someone to come to my rescue to terminate the killer-bumblebee that found a home in my back window.

It's crazy and ridiculous that I have let this fear take over my life. But it has. No question. I totally understand the meaning of "paralyzing fear". I have experienced it many times. Sometimes I can't believe I have let it get this far, but I can't help it. I don't know when exactly this phobia started. All I know it that this fear is part of me. And I pray, to God above, that it is not inherited by my Lil' Leo. Bless his heart if it is........