Thursday, March 29, 2012

Midweek Confessions 8 (By: Jess)

I'm confessing to you and "E, Myself, and I".......

1. I'm terrified that my Dr. will put me on bedrest! (short cervix)
2. Words cannot explain my joy when I found out "it" was a "she"! Ceceilia (Cece) Grace Rolfes. I can't stop writing it or saying it!
3. As soon as I found out we were having a girl, I suddenly wanted Leo there with us! It made me a little sad.
4. These last 8 weeks of school may kill me.
5. I'm scared of being home by myself, all summer, with Leo. I really hope my sitter agrees to take him a couple days a week to give me a break. I was not made to be a stay-at-home-mom.
6. I can't wait to plant flowers!
7. I'm going to meet my mom's boyfriend for the 1st time on Sunday. I'm so excited!
8. I hate getting dressed in the morning.
9. Over spring break I am going to sleep in, (IF I can convince Toby to take Leo to the sitters for me one morning!) get a mani and pedi, shop for bigger underwear (wince), get some "girly things" for Cece, go to a movie, organize Leo's closet and drawers for summer, cook and bake, lay out in sun and attempt a slight tan, get a massage, and hit up some "after Easter" sales.
10. I love grocery shopping!
11. I have been missing my dad A LOT lately.
12. I have had NO energy lately and feel like a bad mom. My idea of "playing" with Leo is holding my hand out and wiggling my fingers for Leo to grab. Lame. Leo looks at me like, "Seriously, Mom?"


Whew..... I feel better. Thank the Lort for Midweek Confessions! Without them, I may burst! Read more HERE!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Changes, Choices, and Callings. (By: Jessica)

I moved to South Carolina 7 years ago.



By myself.



8 hours away from my family and closest friends.



I knew NO ONE. Not a soul.



People thought I was crazy for doing this.



It was the best/easiest decision I ever made.



It was weird how it all happened, but then again, not weird at all. It all fell into place, I guess.



Here is how it all started.....



I was heart broken. A relationship I was in for the past year had just ended and left me devastated and depressed. That break-up blind-sided me, and I didn't quite know what to do with myself or my life at that point. All I knew was that I couldn't stay in Findlay if I ever wanted to move on. It was doing nothing but bringing me down and I found myself looking for "his" car everywhere I went. I felt like an undercover officer on a steak-out. It was messing with my mind and toying with my emotions. This was not "me" and I needed a fresh start somewhere new.



South Carolina WAS NOT what I had in mind. Anywhere else in the Good Ole' Buckeye State would have been just fine. But..... apparently God had other plans.



That break-up was not the only thing that led me to want to pack up and move. There were a lot circumstances that added fuel, to that already blazing fire.







  • My Dad had recently passed away and missing him was about to kill me. Everything reminded me of him and everyone had a story to tell or share about him.




  • My Mom was doing the best she could to keep herself together, she didn't have time to worry about what I was doing or going through. Watching her grieve was hard and I felt in the way....



  • My sister had just left me......er........moved to California. I didn't know when she would be back.




  • I had just lost a teaching job that I adored, due to certification issues, and it was becoming clear that I was not going to be able to teach the following school year.




  • A retail job was all I had left to turn to, and the thought of that made me want to gag myself to death with a rusty hanger.



  • My party life was getting outta hand, and was all I had to look forward to anymore.



  • My dog died.



  • I lost my left leg when I got hit by shrapnel during the war. (OK...that didn't happen. But that's how bad things seemed at this point....)



SO, needlessly to say, I was not in the best place. Physically, mentally, or emotionally.
It was late one evening and I was at the library using the Internet. (My social life was outta control exciting!) I was filling out job application #431 and preparing to sign up for a job fair that was coming to town.



As I was looking through the schools that would be attending the job fair, I noticed that there were A LOT of schools from South Carolina that would be at this job fair. A LOT. Like 45.



I thought to myself, hummm..... that's weird. South Carolina must need teachers......bad.


Hummmm?


I need a job.....bad.


What if.......


And before I knew it, I found myself at the South Carolina State Department of Education website, filling out an application.


In the section where it asks "what school in South Carolina do you want to be considered for?" I checked "ALL".


Why not? It's not like I had a preference.


It took a total of (3) days for my phone to ring.


I came home from (somewhere) and noticed a message on our answering machine.


It was from a man named Charlie Mayfield. He was a principal at (some school. I couldn't understand half of the stuff he was saying due to his thick southern accent) and wanted me to call him back about scheduling a possible interview.


Whhhhhhat?


I thought about it for 6 seconds, rolled my eyes, and went about my day. But, I didn't delete the message. I saved it. For later.


A few days later, after a lot of praying, thinking, considering, and debating.....I called him back.


His voice was kind and gentle and his personality was upbeat and positive. He asked if I'd be willing to come for an interview. I said "Sure."


I called my friend, Jayme, and asked her if she would be up for a road trip. Her response was one I was expecting..... and 2 days later, with a car full of junk food, homemade CD's, and mapquest directions, we hit the road.


The rest is pretty much history.... the interview went great. I got offered a job teaching 7th and 8th grade creative writing at Ware Shoals Jr. High. Go Hornet's! Jayme and I had a great time exploring Greenville. My sister and I went back a couple weeks later to find me a place to live. (THAT was exciting and a totally different story for another time!) I packed up my life and moved to SC a month later.


People used to ask me all the time, "How did you EVER end up in a small town like Ware Shoals??!"


I never felt like I "ended up" here.


I was led here.


I was placed here.


I was called here. (literally..... by God and Charlie Mayfield! lol!)


No one would "choose" to be in a place like Ware Shoals. Not because it is a terrible place (cause it's the far from it), but because it is such a tiny speck on the map. Ware Shoals reminds me of Mayberry, or some place like that. It's small. Very small. It's quaint. It's tucked away. People don't "move to Ware Shoals". The majority of people who live here grew up here. I know it sounds cliche, but everyone knows everyone in Ware Shoals. For a couple years, I was labeled "the new teacher from Ohio". I was obviously not from around these parts. I mean, I said "pop", I didn't say "ya'll", "sir", or "mam", I didn't know what boiled peanuts were, and I didn't know how to make grits. I didn't belong. But I still stayed and MADE them like me. And eventually they did.


Sometimes I think about my journey to South Carolina and wonder "how I made it?". How did I make it all the way here without a GPS system? How did I never get homesick? How did I not get scared living by myself in a sketchy part of town? How did I manage to stay on budget and not go bankrupt? How did I manage to make friends and keep them? How did I manage to convince Toby to follow me here? How did I.......survive?


Well, apparently I did, cause here we are, 7 years later, and happier than ever.


Never in a million years did I ever think I'd stay here this long. I figured I'd stay a year, teach the school year, make a few memories, live a little on the wild side, and move home. Badda Bing. Badda Boom.


I never imagined that I'd fall in love, get married, start a family, and call the Palmetto State, "home".


Funny how things work out.


The people who are part of my life here are people who were placed in my life by God himself, that I am sure of. Only someone like Him could hand-pick these folks. They are one-of-a-kind. Toby and I don't have a TON of friends here..... but we have some pretty darn great ones. It's amazing the things God can do and the places and people He can lead you to.


I KNOW (without a doubt) I was able to survive this life change because of people like Whitney ans Mark Koeppen, Gene Wood, Jennifer and Phil Browning, George and Cara Sutherland, Chris Bench, Maria Beckner, The McCall Family, Amy Crockett, and Charlie and Shea Mayfield. These are the faces that welcomed me/us here, when we were brand new to "The South" and needed to be taught how to survive in this new world. These people were here right at the beginning. If I had never met them, I GUARANTEE you, I would have thrown in the towel, packed up my junk, and high-tailed it back to Ohio. But, thanks to these people......I stayed. And Toby stayed too.


In the time since "the beginning" we have made some additional friends, who are equalivant to our family. For all these people, we are forever grateful.


I feel so blessed for all God has given me since I took this adventure by myself, 7 years ago. It's scary to me to think how my life would have ended up or where I would have been if I had not made the choices that I did.


This song, LISTEN HERE, means a lot to me and does an amazing job of explaining my choices. I think I played it 3,000 times in my car on the drive down here, when my car was packed to the ceiling with everything I owned. I remember feeling terrified, confused, unsure, anxious, nervous, excited, and totally clueless during that 8 hour drive. But, this song put me at ease, gave me some confidence, and kept my foot on the accelerator. Without it, I might have turned around somewhere between Lexington and Knoxville, and headed back to familiar territory. I think my pointer finger was numb from hitting the repeat button by the time I reached interstate 85.


Anyway- Just wanted to share that with you.


Or maybe I just wanted to remind myself of why I am here.


Either way, that's the story.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Sugar and Spice (By: Jess)

A little girl.
A daughter.
Pink.
Ohmygoodness. What have I gotten myself into!
I. Can't. Believe. It.
I don't think I deserve this. I really don't. Words cannot express how thrilled I am to have a baby girl on the way.

As soon as I married Toby, and heard stories of the "Rolfes curse", I thought my chances of ever having a daughter were slim to none. And I was OK with that. I was prepared to be a mom to all boys and finally accepted the idea that I would HAVE to learn the rules to all the different sports. I would be a soccer mom and love it.

But, on March 26, 2012, when I heard the words, "That's a little girl!", my world changed.

Here are the initial thoughts that raced through my mind at that moment. Every one of these thoughts went through my mind ALL AT ONCE, within the few 1st seconds of hearing "it's a girl!". I was exhausted by the time I left to Doctor's office.

1. This lady is so mean. She is getting my hopes up, only to destroy them as soon as she sees a tiny pee pee on that baby. Just give it time......
2. Ohmygoodness. It really is a girl. Really. Seriously. It's a girl.
3. I FINALLY have a daughter.
4. Her name will be Cece.
5. Leo is gonna have a baby sister.
6. Great Grandma Rolfes is gonna freak out!
7. We are gonna go sooooo broke.
8. I can't wait to order the Lizzie Bedding for her!
9. Ohmygoodness, it's a girl!
10. When can I go to Kohls and buy something pink?
11. I can't wait for her Daddy to buy her a pair of diamond earrings.
12. There is so many expectations for little girls....I hope I can live up to them!
13. What if it's really not a girl...... I will cry.
14. I can't wait to enroll her in ballet.
15. I totally don't deserve this. She is totally a dream come true.
16. Leo is gonna love her so much.

Friday, March 23, 2012

SEX (By: Jess)

I find out on Monday morning if this babe is a guy or a doll.



(Gotcha with the title of this post, didn't I! LOL!


I cannot wait.


I think finding out the gender will makes things a lot more "real" to me. At least I hope so.....



Plus, I'm kinda a planner, so I NEED to know if I want to keep my sanity.



IF this baby is a girl her name will be:


Ceceila Jean

Cecila Jean


Ceceila Christine


Cecila Christine




However I decide to spell it and whatever middle name I choose, she will be called "CeCe" for short. Adorable right? Leo and CeCe!?! Stop it with the cuteness.



Her bedding will be this:



and she will be treated like this:

IF this baby is a boy, his name will be:
Tate William



His bedding will be the same as his bro's. Easy peasy!



People keep asking me "what I want".



Well, I obviously want a healthy baby, cause I am such a nervous wreck about all that stuff anyway. I don't really care (and that's the truth) what reproductive parts this baby has.



But, I'm feeling like "it" is a girl. Here is why:



1. From the MOMENT I found out I was "with child" (maybe even a bit before) I had this strange sensation that one day I would have a little girl. And a feeling of comfort took over and it was suddenly just something I "knew". It was weird. (*Note* I had this same feeling right before I found out I was expecting Lil' Leo. I was driving home from Ohio and all of a sudden a feeling took over and I wasn't concerned with trying to get pregnant anymore. It's like I just "knew" in my mind that I was.)



2. This pregnancy has been different from Leo's. I have felt "ickier".



3. I have not felt this baby more as much as I did Leo.


4. I am carrying this baby higher...it seems like.



5. The Chinese gender chart says "girl".


6. I had a dream "it" was a girl.


7. When I was pregnant with Leo, I felt so.....pretty. With this pregnancy.....NOT THE CASE.


8. I have been craving weird stuff.... like bad stuff.... like alcohol and cocaine. Ok..not cocaine! That was a joke! But I have been craving alcohol. Really bad. It's weird.


9. Heart rate has been between 155 and 156...... They say (whoever "they" is....) that if the HR is above 140, it's a girl. Hummm??



So, anywho, I guess it's safe to say that I BELIEVE I am going to birth a girl. But only God knows and I will have to wait til Monday to find out. (today is a Friday)


Either way, I want people to know that I will NOT in any way, shape, or form, be upset if this bumpkin comes out with an attachment between his lil legs. I will still cry tears of joy, I'm sure. Whether a son or daughter, he or she will be a gift only God can give!



I'll keep you posted!!! ;)








Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Confessions #7.... (By: Jess)

Mid- Week Confessions at their best.....





1. I'm so excited about Leo's 1st birthday party (Monster theme!) I could burst!!!


2. This baby is taking a toll on my hair. Ick. Ewe. It looks terrible! I'm getting it cut and colored today and bangs are an option. I'm terrified.


3. Wednesday's, Thursday's, and every other Friday Toby works late and I am in charge of Leo Beck from the time work is over til he goes to beddy bye. Every week, I have to give myself a "pep talk" that I can handle this alone. By the time Saturday at 6pm rolls around, I'm exhausted!!!!


4. I'm still more nervous about having another baby then I am excited.


5. My wardrobe is embarrassing.


6. My husband and I do an amazing job of saving money. I just wish HE would see it that way. I don't remember the last time I shopped at a name brand store, didn't go to Aldie, or got my nails done. He needs to give us a little credit! We do a good job!


7. We haven't been to church in 3 weeks.


8. I need to find a new, GOOD, book to get into. Something steamy wouldn't hurt. Suggestions?


9. After this baby is born I want to try Healthy Trim. Don't judge. Some of us need extra help.


10. All I think about is drinking alcohol. What's wrong with me?!?!?!


11. I asked my sitter if she would want to keep Leo this summer 2 days a week. She is thinking about it. I am praying she says "yes". I may go insane without a couple days to myself a week. Call it selfish if you want. I'm OK with that.


12. Shamrock Shakes make me so happy!





DO YOU need to come clean about some stuff???

Friday, March 16, 2012

Dear Letters..... (By: Jess)

Dear Gertie-
Are you peeing on the dining room carpet just to piss me off ? (no pun intended)
Love, Your Mom

Dear Weather-
You rock! Please keep up the hard work!
Love, Sunny in Simpsonville

Dear Spring Break-
If you don't hurry up and get here, I may off myself.
Love, Barely-hanging-in-there

Dear Energy-
Please come back. I miss you.
Love, Person you used to like

Dear Unborn Child-
Are you a girl?
Love, Curious Mommy

Dear Ladies who clean my house-
You have NO IDEA how much I adore, love, and admire you.
Love, The Person who lives in the house you clean

Dear Self-
Stop thinking about your stupid hair and whether or not you are going to get bangs cut. Get over it! There are other things that need thinking about. Move on.
Love, YOU

Dear Leo-
You light up my life!
Love, Mom

Dear Feet-
I'm sorry I have been neglecting you. I promise to give you attention soon at "Super Nails".
Love, Girl in need of a pedi

Dear French Doors-
I'm still trying to convince Toby that we need you in our kitchen! Keep the faith!
Love, Hopeful Wife

Dear NY and Co. $70 off store coupon-
I'm not going to be able to use you. I know....I know..... I'm upset too. Maybe next time.
Love, Once Valued Customer

Dear Plastic Easter Eggs-
I promise I will get around to hanging you on my tree outside. I just haven't found time.
Love, Gal who wants to decorate for Easter but hasn't yet.

Monday, March 12, 2012

How ya feelin' (PART 3) (By: Jessica)

The question I get asked everyday is, "How are you feeling"? So, I decided to do occasional updates on that exact topic.



I am currently 20 weeks along. (5 months)
Size of BabyA small cantaloupe

Gender
March 26th is the BIG day!!!
Name?I've got (2) names nailed down! A boy name (which recently changed and is now FINAL) and a girl name. I'm still undecided on the spelling of the girl name, but we will cross that bridge when (and if) we get there.
MovementA little. Tiny "bumps bumps". Felt the first one on a Sunday morning. This bumpkin does not move like Leo did!
Sleep ReportSleeping a little better. Weird dreams come and go. I am going to bed by 9pm every night and it usually takes me a solid 3 minutes to fully fall asleep.
What I missAlcohol (it's all I think about), cute spring clothes, and having extra energy to work out and be outside being active.
CravingsAppetite is coming and going. It's the strongest in the morning and afternoon and dies down at night. I have been having a hard time finding a meal for dinner that I really, really want. Most of the stuff I have been cooking (or planning on cooking) has not sounded good to me at all. I have made several meals the past week or so that I haven't even eaten. I have been wanting pancakes. Also, slim jims and sushi.
Weird Happenings
Leo is suddenly obsessed with pulling up my shirt and poking his tiny finger in my belly button. I wonder if he knows there is a baby in there? A few nights ago, he randomly kissed my belly. Weird......
Advise and/or comments
Good- I was having another panic attack about the thought of handling 2 babies by myself on nights that Toby works late (3 mights a week). I texted my "baby daddy" and told him of my worries. He responded with the nicest text ever and words that I really, really needed to hear! Thanks, Toby! xoxo
Bad- Honestly, none. :) Thank you, Lort!
Best Moment(s)The excitement that is building about finding out the gender!!
MeltdownsSurprisingly..... none. Huge shot out goes to Dr. Hoffman ("The Hoff") for giving me some help with my crazy moods! I FINALLY (after 5 months) feel more like myself.
What I am looking forward toFinding out the gender! If it's a girl, I have THE MOST BEAUTIFUL bedding picked out!!!
How many weeks left20 weeks (half-way mark)
Getting PreparedHaven't really done anything else since the last update. I'm sure once we know the gender, the nursery will start transforming more.
Current Mental StatusGlad to report that I'm finally (mentally) feeling better. Yay! I still freak myself out from time to time about how I am going to handle a newborn and a 1 and a half year old, but I'm learning to "give it to God" for now.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Major life decision (By: Jess)





Bangs.




Something I've been considering for months.
Should I or shouldn't I?

This is a serious question. Life changing, if you want me to be honest.

It's also a serious commitment. Is it something I can handle?

I specifically remember the days of Jr High when I had"big bangs". They were thick, ugly, and I curled them. Tightly. I would wrestle with them every morning and spend countless hours "fixing" them. This is NOT something I am wanting to re-live. No need to walk down memory lane with that flashback.
I do not want thick, heavy bangs. Like this....I do not want bangs that will split down the middle. Like this.....I do not want bangs that will constantly be in my face. Like this.....
I do not want too short bangs. Like this.....


I want bangs that are cute, easy, and give my hair a "style". I don't want them in my face, but just brushing my eyebrows. I want then thin enough, but not so thin they are flying away and too wispy to control. I want something along the lines of this....
Thoughts? Suggestions? Comments? Concerns? I'm open.......

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Confessions....Part 6 (By: Jessica)

I'm fessin' up about the following things.....

1. I buy the wrong shade of foundation EVERY TIME I need to get new make-up. SO annoying.
2. I have fallen in love with Nature Valley Oats and Dark Chocolate granola bars. TO DIE FOR.
3. Missing the 1st few weeks of school next year is buggin me. That is the worst time to miss. I'm considering going back to work early.......
4. I cannot wait to find out the gender of this bumpkin. I think this pregnancy will seem more "real" at that point. "It" needs a name and a pronoun.
5. The past few dinner's I have made, Toby has enjoyed and I have not eaten a bite of it. Weird.
6. Nothing sounds good to me except sushi. And, YES, I can eat it! As long as it is tempura!
7. I ate shrimp, flounder, and scallops last weekend while at the beach. And loved it.
8. I'm obsessing over the fact that I can't drink alcohol. I think about it all the time.
9. I'm obsessed with how stinkin cute Leo is!
10. I'm considering bangs..... thoughts??
11. Leo's birthday party is more for me and Toby than for him. I'm so proud of Leo, but just as proud (if not more) of us!