House of Wax (By: Jess)

SO last night was very eye opening. I saw my strong, masculine, and brave husband, crumble into the fetal position, whimpering like Gertie when she gets caged. I'm very surprised that our neighbors didn't call 911 due to all the blood curling screams that were coming from our house.

And those screams weren't from me.....


Why did Toby fall to pieces, you ask?

'Cause I waxed his back.

Let me explain....


We are getting ready to go to the beach next week and I informed Toby that his lower neck/upper back area was getting a little fuzzy. Prolly from the numerous times I have shaved it for him, which usually results in the hair growing back thicker and darker. So I mentioned maybe waxing it.....

Let me say that again.... I "MENTIONED" it. I didn't push it. Toby was the one who went to CVS and bought an "at-home waxing kit". He originally wanted to buy "Nair", but I didn't think that would work as well as wax would. I mean..."Nair" is for "girl hair", not wirey, dark, long, man-hair. Plus.... I secretly couldn't wait to see him squirm from the riiiiiiiippppp of the waxing! Just thinking about it made me smile and giggle a little.

So, he brought home the kit and we planned on doing the "procedure" on Saturday night. I told Toby we should do it a week before we go to the beach so his back will have time to heal.

"HEAL?!?!?!" said Toby.

I just smirked......

Anyway- after we laid Leo down for a short evening nap, I got things ready for the "procedure". I heated up the wax and had Toby lay on his belly on the couch. I should have know that things were not going to go smoothly when he whimpered as I was putting the wax on....

The first RIP was hilarious!!! It took me about 10 min to actually do it cause I was laughing so hard! Toby was making the funniest sounds and every time I went to pull off the white strip, I just couldn't! Finally, when I found the guts to do it, I think every muscle in Toby's body clenched and he was laughing so hard from the pain! At one point I even said, "Shhh! You will wake the baby!!"

The next RIP was very similar, if not identical, to the first one.

The 3rd RIP was the last. My 30 year old, baby-daddy, man-of-the-house, supplier of the bacon, couldn't take anymore. He was done.

Which resulted in only 1/2 of the man-hair getting removed. It didn't look right....kinda un-even....like Steve Carell's chest in "40 Year Old Virgin".

This is where the real drama started.....

Toby REFUSED to allow me to do the rest! At first I thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. He was serious. I remember asking him "Are you serious??" a few times. Each time he responded with "YES! I'm done!" I told him it didn't look "right" and he didn't care.... we would just shave the rest!

eye-yigh-yigh!

Toby went upstairs to shower, cause there was still a lot of wax left on his skin....he didn't let me finish remember.....

When he came back downstairs he was flipping out cause the wax "wouldn't come off!" He was mad cause he was gonna be "sticky all night!" He came down and sat on the couch and immediately got back up and said that he was gonna have to take ANOTHER shower! I couldn't help but smirk...... HE DIDN'T LET ME FINISH!!!

After about 20 min of letting Toby shower and scrub and shower and scrub, I decided to go up and help. I didn't exactly know what to do, but I felt bad, so I was determined to get the excess wax off.....some how......

FYI: NEVER, I repeat NEVER, use nail polish remover on skin that has just been waxed. It will NOT remove the excess wax and apparently burns a little. Sorry babe....

So anyway- the waxing session was an epic fail. My husband caved like a little school girl who is scared to pull her tooth. But.....it was a memory maker that's for sure! Every time I think about the night's episodes I can't help but laugh out loud a little and smile so big it hurts! (in fact, I'm doing it right now!!)

In conclusion...thanks Toby for showing my your "sensitive" side. It was cute and adorable and gave me a great laugh! I love you! xoxox

Peace and Quiet? (By: Jess)

This is gonna be a short one..... but one that I would like to share and also know if I am alone on this..... Lindsey, please tell me you have experienced this?!?!?! (keep reading...)

Ever since Leo has entered my world I no longer have peace and quiet. Not because he cries a lot, cause he doesn't, but because my mind CONSTANTLY thinks I hear him crying.

(readers, especially those who are mother's, please be nodding your head in agreeing with me on this, or I will think I've totally lost it!! )

Whenever I find myself in a quiet moment, usually when he is napping (which he does well!), my mind plays tricks on me. I either think I hear him crying or I think I hear baby music playing in the background. I SWEAR I hear it! But when I go check it out.....nuttin'. This really is starting to interrupt me when I want to clean the house, whip up a dessert,blog, facebook stalk, water flowers, vacuum, take a shower, or cat-nap. Never a moment's peace!!

Maybe my ears are so used to these sounds that they are just burned into my ear drums! It's kinda like when you stare at an optical illusion for a long time and even when you look away, you still see it........ You know what I'm talking about?

That's what I'm experiencing.

It's usually the worst at night. Whenever it's REALLY quiet is when I hear "the sounds" the most. I SWEAR I hear him cooing or crying, or sometimes screaming.........so I tip-toe into his room only to find him snoozing away. I sigh, roll my eyes, and go back to bed. Only to do it again in about 45 min. Oh Lort!

Maybe I'm being over-protective or over -sensitive or over -anxious or over-caffeinated...... I don't know. But it's getting annoying.

On the positive side...... at least I'm not hearing voices. That would be a different story.........

I Teach. A summary of memories....good and bad. (By:Jess)

At the tender age of 17 I decided I wanted to be a teacher.

I think I am different from a lot of other teachers cause I didn't always dream of being a teacher. I didn't play "school" and pretend to be the teacher. In fact, whenever I did play "school" my sister would always get to be the teacher and she would always give me "F's" on spelling tests. Nice.

Anyway- I used to dream of being a nurse. (I kinda still would love to be a nurse. If I could teach during the school year and be a nurse on the summer, that would be great! But, I'm sure that will never happen....)

My dreams of becoming a nurse were shattered during my senior year of HS when I had THE WORST chemistry teacher known to man and knew if I couldn't succeed in his class, then I would never succeed in a college chemistry. So I changed my mind...... I would teach.

I had spent the last (3) years teaching dance lessons to kids (kindergarten- 8th grade) and actually enjoyed it and felt like I was good at it. I thought to myself, "I could do this for a career. AND I will have the summers and weekends off..... good deal." Done. Career change.


Best decision I ever made.

So far I have been a teacher for 8 years. Next year will be my 9th and Lord only knows what will be in store! What I have learned in the past 8 years is unbelievable! Below are a list of memories (good and bad and in no particular order) that I have. I can only imagine the amount of memories I have yet to make.....

• I will never forget My first principal, Larry Altenburger, from Allen East Middle School. He was AWESOME and the kindest man I think I have ever worked for. if we ever move back to Ohio I'd LOVE to work for this man again!





• My classroom the first year I taught was BEAUTIFUL! I spend hours and hours and hours and hours getting it ready and decorated it for every holiday! I took so much pride in that room! Unfortunately, as the years go on, I don't spend the time decorating like I did that first year. I should....





• I will never forget the CRAZIEST parent ever! I won't mention names cause "you never know", but I will never forget her name or face or things she did/said to me. Let's just say that the day she came to my apartment, banging on my door, screaming, "I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE!" was (one of) the scariest times in my life!





• I will never forget making a girl cry once. I chewed her out for not listening to me when I gave directions for an assignment.....and then she informed me that she was in the bathroom when I did the explaining. I felt terrible!
  




• Being named "Teacher of the Year" (twice) and nominated for "District Teacher of the Year" (twice) is an all-time high!





• I will never forget the people I have worked with over the years! Erin, MaryJo, Lindsey, Dan, Megan, Susan, Gina, Marijane, Jennifer, Whitney, Tracey, Edwina, LeeEddie, Stephanie, Steve, and Nancy all stand out to me.





• Chris Renn and Charlie Mayfield are also past "bosses" that were soooooo good to me. I have been so lucky over the past 8 years to have worked for such sweet, caring, nice, and father-like men.





• I will never forget the HUGE crush I had on a fellow co-worker my 1st year of teaching.





• I will never forget the 1st time I chaperoned a school dance and field trip. I felt so important.
  




• I will never forget the first awards banquet I presented at. I was so proud of all my kids who received and deserved awards.
  




• A student once said to me "Can we have a Civil War solider be a guest speaker?"





• I will never forget the 1st funeral I went to for a student. Shane Jones...RIP. Unfortunately, there have been more that followed....





• I will never forget the time I almost set my classroom on fire.
  




• I will never forget the 1st student to make me cry.





• I will never forget all the lessons that FLOPPED!





• I will never forget getting praised by an administrator for AWESOME test scores!





• I will never forget FINALLY receiving my teaching certificate!





• I will never forget the day a dog jumped in my classroom window!





• I will never forget a student "coming out" to me.





• I will never forget when a student told me I had fat toes.





• I will never forget getting the award for the "best dressed teacher" and also being told by an administrator that I "dressed unprofessional and didn't set a good example".





• I will never forget doing a cartwheel at an assembly and my shoe flying off!





• I will never forget getting "pied" in the face over a dozen times! And how it was SO MUCH FUN!





• I will never forget having my kids make "Civil War Scrapbooks". My all-time favorite project.....that I only did once.





• I will never forget when a student told me to me to email him an assignment and gave me his email address. (it was....mailto:was....masterbaiter2423@yahoo.com. Awkard.)





• I will never forget catching 2 students smoking and the look on their faces!
  




• I will never forget a girl accusing me of calling her "stupid".





• I will never forget all the tears on the last day of school.....from students and myself!





• I will never forget chaperoning the Senior Class Cruise to the Bahamas.





• I will never forget the 1st time I accidentally said a "bad word" in class.
  




• I will never forget all the kind notes, cards and letters students have written me over the past 8 years. I have them all saved in a shoebox in my bedroom closet.





• I will never forget the student who gave me a heart shaped necklace for Christmas.





• I will never forget how competitive some kids got during a review game.





• I will never forget when a girl apologized to me for being rude.





• I will never forget getting a card in the mail from a former student.





• I will never forget my 1st coaching experience.





• I will never forget the time I witnessed a parent hit their child in front of me.





• I will never forget the time when a parent got IRATE at me for catching their child with a cell phone in class.





• I will never forget the notes, cards, emails, and letters from parents that remind me of why I am a teacher. (These are also saved in a shoebox in my bedroom closet)





• I will never forget when a student came to school wearing the same outfit as me.

• I will never forget when an administrator called my ideas "stupid".





• I will never forget when a gust of wind blew my dress up over my head on the playground.....in front of students.





• I will never forget crying because if happiness for a student.





• I will never forget crying because of sympathy for a student.





• I will never forget laughing so hard I cried because a student was sincerely funny!
  




• I will never forget how cool it felt be be called "Miss Ogle" and "Mrs. Rolfes"





• I will never forget how tight a student once hugged me.
  




• I will never forget praying with a student at their request.

And the list will go on, I'm sure.......

If I didn't care (By: Jess)

So, I have been REALLY watching my calorie in-take for the last couple months. And, believe it or not, I have actually enjoyed it. I am on a strict 1,200 calories a day diet and it has really helped me drop some "Leo weight". I am proud to admit that I have lost 7 lbs since I started watching my calories...but it has been H-A-R-D. Even though I have been eating very "clean" and I feel amazing....... I miss my old friend, Junk food. Sigh. We had some good times together.....

This blog is dedicated to all the goodies, nummies, fat-loaded, ooey-gooey, salty, savory, creamy, and sweet delicious-ness items that my lifestyle will not allow me to eat. If I didn't care about my health or weight, THESE are the items I would ravage....get a napkin, you may start to drool!

BACON. An entire plate. Not turkey bacon, which is good, but not as great as regular, fat dripping, thick cut bacon!!

Chicken Wings. Love these lil guys. Especially with a cold beer or 2 or 3 or 4......

Prime Rib. Like, a 16 ouncer. Yum-o.

Cheesy mac and cheese. The kind made with like 6 different types of cheese.

I love this candy bar. But the truth is, is that I love really ANY TYPE of candy bar. Twix, heath, Snickers, Whatchamacallit, Hershey's Cookies and Cream, Skor, Payday, Zero, Take 7, Caramelo, Symphony. I'd love to indulge in one every hour of the day. Oh my.

Stuffed. French. Toast. (no explanation necessary)

I recently went to the movies with my sis and ordered a small popcorn with no salt or butter. It was.......OK. Not as good as the Hot, salty, buttery kind I would have dreamed to bury my face in.

Pie. I LOVE PIE. Cream pies or fruit pies, IT DON'T MATTER!

Fried Chicken. Or as my Dad would call it.... "Fried Chickie". Crunchy, oily, juicy....... wow!

My downfall. Ice Cream. Did I ever mention that the ice cream isle at the grocery store is my heaven? Well, it totally is. My favorite is strawberry cheesecake, but I will try anything once! Cookie dough, mudslide, tin roof, mint chocolate chip, Neapolitan, vanilla bean, coffee, girl scout cookie, phish food, Cherry Garcia, turtle, chocolate peanut butter. Just a few of the runners-up.

I love BBQ. Since I'm not within driving distance to my favorite rib joint (Red Pig Inn) I will settle for my hubbys mouth-watering smoked ribs. Last time we made these guys I limited myself to only eating 3. 3 ribs. Not 3 racks, which is what I would have liked to do. Oui.

Oh Creme Brulee. You are a tease.

I can be a pizza junkie at times. I love all kinds of pizza. But I really miss ordering the drippy, cheesy kind. The kind where the grease drips down your hand, then arm, then off your elbow. You know what I'm talking about.

Every time I drive past a McDonald's I think about how much I love a Big Mac Value Meal. One can dream.......

Chick Fil A...... why do you torture me with your milkshakes? The Banana Pudding milkshake was sooooo cruel.

Pasta with cream sauce. Oh Good Lord in Heaven.

Cheesecake. If you are not a lover of cheesecake, something is wrong with you.
I'd love to tear into a box of these!!! Oh how I would love it! Just love it!

So there you have it. My fantasy foods. Hungry yet?

But, as much as I would love to treat myself to these treats, it would not be worth the guilt I would feel afterwards. I am proud of myself for "sticking with it" and I do not want to let myself down. So, I will move past it. I will continue eating as clean as possible and the next time I am feeling weak, I will read this post and imagine.....................

Opps. Forgot one. Sweet Jesus.