Never in a Million Years.....(By: Jess)

It has happened. The day has come.

I am doing something I NEVER thought I'd do.
I own something I NEVER thought I'd own.
I'm in a position I NEVER thought I'd be in.

I. Own. A. Van.

(wince)

I cannot believe my husband has convinced me to do this. To drive this. To own this.

Driving a van goes against all I stand for and believe in. It goes against all my morals and all my standards as a mother.

OK...that was a little dramatic. But, I can't believe I have caved like this. I always said I would NEVER drive a van. NEVER. I don't like them. I never have. They are big, bulky, and no matter how hard they try they don't look "cool".

**NOTE** this is just MY opinion, so don't get all defensive if you are a lover of vans. It's fine if you are. I'm just not. And, well, this is MY blog, so I can believe what I want. Boo-yeah.

Anyway- the conversation happened on a Monday. My husband texted me and says, "What do you think about getting a van?"

BAHAHAHA. I laughed at such a ridiculous question and considered simply ignoring such  a stupid text. He knew exactly what my thoughts were going to be. I can almost see him grinning like the Grinch as he typed his text.

I replied with an obvious answer. (which was simply..... "barf".)

Toby brought one home and pulled out all his "car salesman" moves.

Then he made the mistake of putting Leo inside. Leo was smitten with it and would have camped out for days in it if we would have allowed him to.

I, of course, had a look on my face similar to this....




We got one anyway. Nice. We all know where MY opinion stands in this family.

I don't like driving this beast around.

 I feel like I have a tiny head and a GIGANTIC body.

I feel like I'm taking up the entire road, driving like a manic, beeping my blow horn and telling people to "get outta the way! Here I come!!"

 I feel like "Large Marge" driving a semi. (reference from "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" for anyone who has seen this masterpiece of a film)

 I don't feel young. I don't feel sexy. I don't feel stylish or trendy.

I feel like...........I'm driving a van.


But, if I MUST be honest, and real.... I guess it will be useful. I mean, my beloved Pilot was extremely cramped. I had no back seat anymore and I think if I knocked Leo's and Cece's head on the ceiling one more time brain damage would have been a possibility and the Feds would have been called.

Also, when I look in the back and see Leo innocently starting up at the DVD player, that is mounted on the ceiling, watching "Mickey", and being so thrilled, I can't help but put aside all my selfish views and smile. This is for HIM (and her), not ME. I mean, who cares if I feel like an idiot driving this swagger wagon around.... as long as the kido-s are safe and comfortable, that's all that really matters, right?

Right?

Riiiight?


The truth is this.....

1. I have tried REALLY hard to like this vehicle.
2. I hate this vehicle.
3. I'm embarrassed to drive it.
4. Leo loves it.
5. Toby loves it.
6. Cece could care less.
7. No matter what I drive, facts are facts. I'm not young, nor am I sexy, nor am I trendy and stylish....
8. We are stuck with it. Forever. Cheese and rice.

P.S. I'm not gonna lie and say that the scene from "A Christmas Story" where the mother "accidentally" breaks the Leg Lamp didn't cross my mind already. I feel her pain.