What will I tell them....... about Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston?

They were icons.

They were your mother's favorite.

They were who your mother wanted to be.

Your mother knows every single song each preformed.

These two singer/songwriters were at one time the best of the best. That cannot be denied. Some people are not as die hard fans as I am. I realize that is a personal choice. But the fact that their fame and stardom was incredible...... that's putting it lightly.

Michael Jackson was deemed "the king of pop".  His dance moves? Unbelieveable. His music? Impossible to not bop your head too. His appearance? Terrifying.



One thing I want Leo and Cece to know about Michael Jackson is that he was black. And that he was not a child molester.

There millions of rumors about the color of his skin and his infatuation with children.... but what I choose to believe is that he had a skin disease called vitiligo. This disease turns skin white in splotchy areas all over the body. Due to the fact that MJ was a little vain.... he did not want to be seen "splotchy" so he bleached his skin. He did this because eventually, this is what vitiligo does to a persons skin, but it takes years and years. I guess he wanted to get it over with.

As far as being a child molester... there are rumors and stories and interviews and eye witnesses and apparent victims and a chimpanzee..... but I choose to not believe them.

Because I hold MJ in the highest regard. Because I have always adored him since I was a kid. Because he used to be my "pretend husband" whenever I used to play house..... I didn't want that idolization that I had to be ruined.

Its similar to my husband's love of Tiger Woods. Toby loves Tiger. When the truth came out that Tiger was a lying, no-good, cheating, selfish, sex-addicted asshole bastard....... Toby refused to believe it. He (like I did MJ) had Tiger sitting on a pedestal and refused to take him down.

I'll never forget the day that I waited ALL DAY LONG for the video premier of his new song "You Are Not Alone" to be aired on MTV. It was also the song that his wife, Lisa Marie Presley, was in. I remember hating her.

 I remember the second the video came on, I immediately put my ghetto blaster up to the TV so I could record it and all of a sudden my mom came busting into the TV room and starting telling me.... something.... I don't remember what it was.

All I remember was that I couldn't hear the video/song and she was distracting me and I remember FLIPPING OUT on her cause I had waited ALL DAY for this video to air.

 I'll never forget the "WTF" look on her face.

 I did manage to get the song recorded, complete with about 5 seconds of my mom's voice and my epic meltdown somewhere in the beginning.


MJ is a ledged and I wish he was still alive for my kids to experience. Too bad he's not. But at least his kids, Paris and Blanket, are still around.

Seriously.... his son's name is blanket. Lol.

Another thing that made me fall in love with Michael Jackson was his dance ability.

 Incredible.

The moon walk was my favorite.

I tried my entire childhood to master this move.... and not being fully successful until I was in college.

Practice makes perfect I guess.... I remember the day when I actually moon walked.

I was in the dorm room of some friends and I was getting ready to show them that "I can moonwalk!" I felt like a star, gliding across the room with ease, watching them stare at me in awe and amazement......

until I moon walked right into an open closet, fell backwards against a wall, and felt the "thump" of a metal baseball bat hit me on the head.

Moment over.

Humiliation overcame me and I wanted to die.

Still, my love for the moon walker didn't fade.

"Man in the Mirror" inspired me to make a change.
"Smooth Criminal" made me feel like a bad ass when I danced to it.
"Thriller" scared me to death
"Dirty Diana" was always and still is my ultimate favorite MJ song.
"I Just Can't Stop Loving You" was written about me. For me.

His death hit me hard... like the metal baseball bat on my head. I remember I was having a lazy day, laying around on the couch. I saw a headline on the bottom of the TV screen. It was 2009 and Toby and I had been married for 2 years. Toby knew that I'd be a grieving mess, so he rushed home early from work to be with me in my time of sorrow.

ok, not really. He was totally non-emotional about this tragedy. So un-emotional that I annoyed me. Some people just don't get it.

RIP MJ.

Whitney Houston. Whit. The Voice. I love loved her.

Her song, "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" was the 1st cassette tape I owned. I remember the day my mom brought it home for me us.  I think it was a single.



Her voice is stunning. Its soulful. Its powerful. It will give you chills. It will make you wanna jump up and dance like Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt in "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"!

A lot of Whit's songs helped me get through tough and trying times in my YA life.

"Where do Broken Hearts Go" helped me survive the breakup with my 2nd grade boyfriend, Lucas.

"I Have Nothing " contributed to my massive crush on Kevin Costner , who I loved so much I almost became medically depressed.

"I Will Always Love You" helps me remember my first slow-dance with a boy named Chris.

"How Will I Know" gave me the courage to ask my Mom questions about true love.

" I'm Every Woman" helped me sweat it out on the elliptical machine in college

Her version of "The Star Spangled Banner" made me proud to be an American

"The Greatest Love of All" inspired me to adopt a hungry child in Malaysia. (which I never was able to do cause I didn't have .23 a day when I was 8 years old.)

I remember getting her "Greatest Hits" CD and it seriously was the only thing I listened to.....for years..... until it got stolen out of my car while on a 4th of July trip to Columbus. It's still in debate WHO left the car door unlocked that night..... but I fully place the blame on my friend, Jayme. As soon as I realized my CD (among other things) was missing... I heard "It's Not Right, But It's OK" playing in my head.

Whitney was beautiful. Until she started doing crack.

Wait... not crack.... cause "crack is wack" "crack is cheap" .... maybe it was meth?

Either way, drugs took her over and she ended up drowning on a bathtub. Not a classy way to go out. Especially for THE Whitney Houston.



Overall, these two artists were my favorite. I hate they are dead. And I hate that my Greatest Hits CD got stolen.

If you are a die-hard MJ or Whit fan, then "You are not alone". The world doesn't understand. "All I wanna say is that They don't really care about us."


I will always be a fan. "I will always love you". I will make sure I carry your legacy on to my children and force  them hope they too become fans.

What will I tell them....... about drinking/drugs?

YOU BETTER NOT EVEN!

That will be initial, common sense advise.

Just don't. You WILL get in trouble.

Leo and Cece will be raised to know that underage drinking is NOT OK. They will not be raised to think that mom and dad will "go easy" on them if they ever get caught. They will be raised knowing that if they ever get caught with alcohol, drinking alcohol, or drunk..... they are "gonna get it." We don't care if we live in Mercer County where going out drinking is the only thing to do. That's not an excuse.

That's how I was raised.

I grew up in Putnam County.... another county where underage drinking is accepted and somewhat expected. My parents knew this about Ottawa and they didn't care. It was not an excuse.

Some of my friends that I hung out with in HS were raised differently. Yes, they were not" supposed" to drink illegally..... but they knew that if they ever got caught, it wouldn't be THAT BIG of a deal.

Yes, they may get grounded or yelled at, but that may be it. If they got caught having a party with alcohol, it would be frowned upon, but in a few days, their parents would probably be over it.

 I even had some  parents would even buy us beer or wine coolers for the weekend. That was just laughable. Seriously? SO dumb.

Even though I was raised with parents who were really strict on alcohol, I didn't really care. I never really wished they would be easier on me about drinking. I just knew it wasn't tolerated. And I was smart enough not to challenge it.

Did that stop me from drinking in HS?

Nope. Not at all. (sorry, Mom)

But it did teach me to be careful about it, to not be stupid.

I knew that my social life would be O-V-E-R if I ever got in trouble with the law concerning drinking/drugs.

I also made sure that my parents NEVER saw me drunk. I just feel that that is very disrespectful.  If I was stupid enough to drink (illegally) and "bad ass" enough to disobey the rules my parents set.... then the least I could do was hide it from them. If I ever came home sloppy drunk, puking, acting like a belligerent fool in front of my parents..... well, that's just rude. And awkward. For all of us.

So if I ever did decide to be sloppy drunk, puking, and acting like a belligerent fool.... I would decide to do it in front of my friends, my friends parents, or complete strangers.

NOT my parents. Never.

But what about IF it happens?

What about IF they come home drunk or get caught at  country concert a party "holding a beer that's not their's" or get a DUI, or get caught doing drugs or with drug paraphilia or I find "drugs in their car that isn't their's"? What then? What do I say then?

Sweet Jesus Lord, PLEASE do not let me have to do this. PLEASE do not give me any reason to ever have this conversation with either one of my kids. PLEASE do not give me the opportunity to ever have to play out the scene that I'm preparing for.

IF this ever happens (Please God don't let it), this is how I hope to react.

They will know I am pissed.
They will know I am disappointed.
They will know they have let me down.
They will not be allowed to do certain things... going out on the weekend with friends, doing any activity outside of school activities, not allowed to drive anywhere, no cell phone...... (if this happens while they are still in HS)
They will have to try VERY HARD to earn my (our) trust again.
I will never "let it go" or "forget it ever happened" (at least until they go off to college.... then they get a clean slate. )

I mean..... will I REALLY know what exactly I'm gonna do when and if this moment ever happens?

Duh. No.

But I can at least be prepared... somewhat.

If Leo and Cece are ever asked this question:

"Do your parents care of you drink?"

I hope they respond this way:
"Yes. They'd kill me if they ever caught me drinking."

What will I tell them....... about sex?

Don't do it til your ready.  Socially ready. Emotionally ready. Physically ready.

I don't plan on giving them "the sex talk"..... the science part at least. I'm gonna leave that to the Nation's Education system and their videos to teach my kids all the  biology of sex. (diseases, condoms, birth control, ect... too)

Do I want to talk about what  a prostitute is or how gay men/women have sex or what a threesome is or what swingers are or what the books/movie "50 Shades of Grey" is or who "Debbie" is and what is she doing to "Dallas" or all the types and options of sexual positions?

Helllllllllll no. 

I honestly feel that that crap is meant to be discussed at slumber parties and in locker rooms.

What I do plan on doing it being real. Straight to the point. No messing around.

Sex is a big deal. Never take it lightly.

Sex is for people who are grown, mature, and who have experienced serious relationships and different types of love.

Sex is VERY personal.

People who have sex early or with a lot of people are suffering in another part of their life.  Its not normal and everyone is not doing it,. They are missing something that they are trying to find through sex. They are risking their lives, their partners lives, their reputatuions, their futures, and their self-worth.

Sex on TV and movies is extremely dramatic and exaggerated.

You have no business even considering sex until you are AT LEAST a legal adult. It is an adult issue and until you are literally an adult, it's not your problem.  Preferably, at least in your 20's.

The less sexual partners you have/the longer you wait to have sex, the better you are.

The more confindent you are.

The more independent you are.

The more attractive you are.

The more respected you are.

The stronger you are.

The more loving you are.

 The smarter you are

The more ready you are.

You may ask, "So... you're saying that if I have sex early... like at 12 or 13.... then that will mean I am not independent, not attractive, not respected, not strong, not loving, or not smart?"

EXACTLY.

That person. That one person who is lucky enough top be the first person you experience the act of sex with...... better be worth it.

You must really know love, feel love, have experienced love and all the baggage that comes with it.

If you haven't had your heart broken... you are not ready.

If you haven't been swept off your feet... you are not ready.

If you've never been completely giddy..... you are not ready.

If you've never experienced the feeling of your heart literally skiping a beat" you are not ready.

If you've never cried because of happiness or emoptional hurt..... you're not ready.

Don't be in a hurry. If you are in a hurry and you rush it just to "keep up" with all the other hoes who are "doing it"  all the other girls who are "doing it",  then you will regret it. Guaranteed.

And the worst feeling......... is regret.

Oh.... and if you get pregnant/get someone pregnant before the age 25 without being married or engaged or contract a sexually transmitted disease EVER.... know that I (your mother) will be so disappointed in you. So mad at you. Will feel so disrespected by you. Know that this will hurt me to the core and shake my world.... and yours..... and change the way I look at you forever. Not necessarily in a hateful way....... but my opinion and view of you WILL change. I promise. My love for you? Never.

So wait. Please. Until your ready.

Wanna REALLY piss me off?

1.  Turn my power off when I'm in the middle of curling my hair

2. Throw "Tang", a black-out window curtain panel, and a baby onesie that says "I love Grandma"  in my grocery cart when I'm not looking and make me wait til we get home to notice it.

3. Shrink in the dryer

4. Continue to think I'm 22 years old..... and treat me like it.

5. Put milk back in fridge with 1/4 cup left

6. Whip a  "See and Say" across the living room and allow it to slam into the wall.

7.  Ask me what time it is on a clock with only roman numerals.

8. Try to change your American History essay question answer AFTER I've graded it and then tell me I graded it wrong.

9. Ask me if I've "been saved"

10. Assume my house is spotless, my kids never misbehave, and I'm always happy.

11. Tell me that you are going to "row up" every 15 minutes because you think it's funny when I panic.

12. Open the washer in the middle of a cycle.

13. Break (4) times while I'm writing my name. (mechanical pencil)

14. Schedule a jewelry show but never have any intention of actually having it.

15. Ask me if Pepsi is OK when I ordered a Coke

16. Tell me you are vegan

17. De-pants me while we are on a play date when I'm not wearing any underwear.... and laugh hysterically

18.  Call me from Wisconsin 16 times a day and never leave a message

19. Say "Ok.... now we are gonna play a little game" at a bridal shower or baby shower.

What will I say to them..... about bullying?

The other day while I was reading the newspaper facebook, I stumbled upon a friends post that made me pay attention.

It was about bullying and how her daughter was being subjected to it and how she was reacting/responding to it.

I read through the whole post and all the comments.

My heart broke for the girl who was being bullied, for her mom (my friend), and for the people commenting who stated "I know how you feel", "We have dealt with the same issue", "My daughter has the same problem".

It got me thinking.... What will I tell Leo and Cece when this happens to them? What will I actually say? What approach will I take? How will I tackle this issue?

I started focusing my attention toward Cece mainly, if I'm being honest.

I don't know first hand how boys deal with bullying. But I do know first hand what it's like to experience it as a girl.

Of course I will talk to both my kids if when they come to me and want advise or support, but I'm mainly gonna focus on Cece for this specific issue for now.

Toby is also gonna have to start thinking about how he will react when the kids (especially Leo) come to him with the same issues. (Toby.... get thinking... it WILL happen. And when it does, we have to be prepared!! We can't go into this blind! We've got to have a plan! We've got to have a goal! )

WHAT WILL I SAY TO THEM ABOUT.....

BULLYING
Gosh.... this is gonna SUCK.

The day Cece comes to me, crying, saying that the kids at school are being mean to her or saying things to her that are not true or calling her names or not inviting her to the birthday party or not including her in conversations at the lunch table or spreading rumors about her...,.. my heart will break. I promise. Especially if she cries.. cause she will.... cause she is tenderhearted.

I'll first hug her.... hard. And kiss her cheek and tell her how much I love her. I'll say that "this too shall pass" and "it will get better". I will promise her this, because I know this.

Next, I will look at her... in her beautiful, sometimes blue, sometimes green eyes, and tell her that.....

I WANT NAMES!

I want specific names of the bastards that are talking smack and I will kick their asses. That's right... KICK. THEIR. ASSES.

Ok... maybe not. The above will  be what I will be thinking.  It will be what I will want to do, but know I can't.

That wouldn't be setting a good example, now would it?

I guess what I would start off wit, h is to ask her what exactly is going on. Get all the details. What did they say/do? Why do you think they are saying that? Where did this information come from?  When did you hear it/ when did it happen?

Next, I may ask her how is makes her feel. Really feel. Mad? Sad? Betrayed? Disappointed? Surprised? Small? Weak? Unimportant?

Another thing that I will be sure that I ask her.... in the nicest way possible.... is

"Do you think you have done ANYTHING (anything at all)  that would have slightly caused this to be done/said toward or about you?"

I am in NO WAY saying that whatever was said or done was earned, necessary, or deserved. And I will be sure to emphasize that when I ask her this question.

But I feel it is important to be aware of your own actions, your tone, your attitude, and your body language and how others may precieve them.

Is there a small chance that maybe you said something that could have been taken the wrong way?

Is there a small chance that maybe you did something that may have been offensive? Even if you did not intend it to be.

Usually, if you are working with a legit "bully", there will be no reason for any of the asshole-ish behavior. That's the beauty of bullies. They need no reason.

But sometimes...... something you may consider to be "bulling" could just be a reaction to something that you did or said that was miscommunicated or misinterpreted.

This part of the conversation will just remind her that she always needs to be aware of what she's putting out there for others to hear, see, and assume. Don't focus on what people think so much... just be aware of how it looks from an outsider.

My last and final approach will be my parental advise or my suggested solution...depending on the situation. I will comfort her, reassure her, build her up and tell her.....

"They are jealous".

 I'll talk to her about jealous people... why they are jealous and how being jealous can eat someone up inside and cause them to do mean and ugly things.... because THEY are unhappy. Because THEY are missing something in their life that they wish they had.

 I will tell her that feeling jealous is one of the worst feelings in the world and what she should do is pray for them.

Pray that God helps them achieve whatever it is that is making them jealous.

Ask God to spend a little extra time on them and help get rid of the green monster within them.

Look at them with  grace and smile at them..... smile because you feel sorry for them.

And remember that no matter what it is that they are saying to you or about you..... its not  really about you at all . Its all about them and their feelings about themselves.

I'll also may tell her to......

 "Kill them with Kindness".

This is advise my mom has given me for as long as I can remember.

 I've used it.

 It works.

I still use it today.

It still is working.

When people are being...... assholes.... just be as nice as you can to them. Not only will it confuse the hell outta them, but the hope is that it will make them feel like a complete dirtbag for being mean in the first place. Get it? 


Anyway... some people have a hard time doing this. Maybe its because they are too hard headed or too defensive or too strong willed. And not that there is anything wrong with that.  Some people may refer to this as "ass kissing". But if you are woman enough to take what is being said, swallow it, look past it, smile, and continue to be your sweet self that you know you are......that says a lot about you and your character.

"Ass kissing" is different. Usually "ass kissers" try too hard and are usually looking for something in return. They are usually pretending to be someone they are not.

"Killing assholes people with kindness" is basically telling them that you are not going to let their negativity, harshness, rudeness, and judgmental comments/statements affect you. You know who you are. You know what is true and not true. Let it go and don't hold it against them. They don't know any better anyway.  ("Bless their heart")

Continue being yourself. Continue to be kind, respectful, polite, and show grace.

 I'm not inferring that you be their BFF and invite them places and do things for them and share your lunch with them and start up conversations with them or even make an effort to be their friend.

But you can still be nice.

There is a quote that says, "Live in such a way that if someone talked bad about you, no one would believe it." I would tell her to try her best to make that statement true. Throw kindness everywhere you go and no one will have a reason to be a jerk to you.

If none of the above seem like good solutions to the specific problem she is upset about, I will tell her this:

"Try your best to rise above it."

Hold your head up high.

Learn from it.

Put your chin up, but don't believe it.

Stay true to yourself and who you are and defend yourself if necessary. Verbally and physically.

Speaking of self-defense..... Always defend yourself verbally. Always.,

 But, ONLY defend yourself physically if someone put their hands on you FIRST.

 NEVER, never, put your hands on someone. Ever.........  Unless they hurt your first.

That is THE ONLY time you will ever be "allowed" to put your hands on someone else in a negative way.

Don't ever be the first one to throw the first punch, push the first shove, smack the first face, pull the first strand of hair.




And that's it. The rest is up to her.

To summarize, this is my "plan" or my "script" for when this moment happens.

1. Love on her and console her.
2. Get all the facts/details.
3. Ask her how exactly she feels.
4. Ask her if there is a slight chance she may have contributed to this problem.
5. Give a solution.... They are just jealous or kill them with kindness or simply rise above it.
6. Defend yourself.... always verbally; sometimes physically.

I hope I am prepared for this day.

I probably wont be.

But I guess thinking about it in advance can't hurt.