Random Question #2 (By: Jessica)

Here's another random question, from the warped mind of.....ME.

But, this question I think I have found my own answer to....

Question: Why do bad things happen to good people?

My own personal conclusion: I think bad things happen to good people because these are the people who God holds in the highest regards. Let me explain....

In the past when something "bad" happened to me (death, loss of job, heartbreak, ect...) I used to question God and think, "Wow. What did I do to deserve this? Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong?"

At one point, I became so angry with all "bad things" happening, that I turned my back on God for awhile and attempted to live life on my own. With no help. No guidance. No faith.

That didn't last long.

I began to be very jealous of people I knew, who never had to deal with any of the junk I have had to deal with. People who had NO IDEA what it felt like to have their heart broken. People who had NO IDEA what it felt like to love someone so much and not have them love you back. People who had NEVER, EVER, lost anyone close to them or watched in agony while someone they loved slowly died. People who had NEVER witnessed the pain of death. People who had NEVER had to work "so hard" to achieve simple things..... like a job.

I was so jealous of these people. They were living their lives on cruise control.... and my life seemed to be outta control.

But then suddenly, I all made sense to me.

I don't know how it happened or exactly when it happened, but it was like all of a sudden a light was switched on.

I suddenly felt very lucky for all the "bad-ness" in my life.

I suddenly felt honored.

Like, "Wow. God must think pretty highly of me. He must have a lot of faith in ME, if He chooses to give me all this burden. He must really think I am a strong woman. He wouldn't just give all this crap to just anyone. Most people wouldn't be able to handle all this, like I could. He knows that. Those people, who I was once jealous of, should be jealous of ME. He knows they can't handle tough things. He knows that they are not strong enough or don't have the faith it take to get through situations like that. But, He knows that I DO. That's why all this burden is put on MY shoulders and not theirs. Wow. "

So, that's my answer to that question. Maybe it's "right" and maybe it's "wrong" and maybe there is no answer.

But coming to that conclusion has helped me deal with a lot of "bad stuff" and has helped me handle negative things that life deals me.

So, now, I don't feel jealous of others who seem to have a "simple" life, free of all "bad things".

I feel sorry for them.

I hold my head up high and say "thanks" to God when something "bad" happens. I thank Him for thinking of ME, and having faith in ME, and trusting ME to handle specific situations, because no one else would be able to handle it better than ME. What an honor.

So I don't forget.... (By: Jessica)

My Dad passed away about 7 years ago. I was 23 years old. It was tough. Obviously. He had been sick a while, (Liver disease, mixed with a little colon cancer on the side. Delish. ) so when he did pass away, it was a little bit of a relief. (Anyone who has watched someone you love suffer can relate, I'm sure...) He was finally not in pain and could rest.... something he hadn't done in years.

The year he passed away was a bad one. I'm not gonna lie. I had just lost my dad, my mom was dealing with her own grief and watching her suffer could have killed me, I was totally and completely single, and I was forced to take a year off teaching and settle for a less than a stellar job. It was hard to smile.

About 2 months after my Dad found a new home in heaven, I started working at a gym as a receptionist. (Remember this, Lindsey...lol!) I didn't work there long...the gym closed down not long after it opened. (I don't even remember the name of the gym....Linds.....do you? You were a member.... I took my 1st (and last) spinning class with you here.....)

I specifically remember one day, while working at this place, when I suddenly became terrified. I was SCARED TO DEATH that I was going to forget all the memories I had with my Dad. I knew I'd never forget what he looked like, because I have plenty of pictures, but I was scared that one day I might forget little inside jokes or funny family memories or special quirks he had.

So, I grabbed a pen and some notebook paper, and quickly began jotting down all my fondest memories of him. (Thank Goodness I did this...because I KNOW FOR A FACT that some of these memories would have been long forgotten.)

I'm gonna list all 61 of my most favorite memories.

Remember, I'm blogging for me, myself and I. Like I mentioned in another post, this blog is like my own on-line journal. I love that whatever I type on here will last forever....or however long I want it to last. Plus, I don't have to do actual handwriting (like with a pen or pencil)....which I hate! Typing is soooooo much easier.

Here it goes.....

#1- "The Boys" My dad's fascination with the Three Stooges. I also shared his love of "the boys"! Whenever they would come on TV he would yell, "JESS! THE BOYS are on!!!"

#2- Parrot Head. When we had college orientation at the U of F, our tour guide looked like a classic parrot head. Dad and I giggled all throughout the tour!

#3- "My Old Kentucky Home". While on a looonnnngggg drive to Daytona Beach, Fl for a family va-ca we passed this random house on the interstate. Dad says, "Why look....that's my old Kentucky Home!" I responded with...."OMG! Are you serious?!? You used to live there??!" He started laughing and said, "Um...no. I was kidding. We are not even in Kentucky. I was like 12 and in 7th grade. I was as gullible as they come. (My Dad never even lived in KY. I was such an idiot!)

#4- Music. My dad LOVED music. In fact, I was the one who inherited his CD collection when he died. All 421 of them. Some of his fav's were Jimmy Buffet, Billy Joel, Louis Armstrong, Peter, Paul, and Mary, CCR, and any 50s and 60s group. My classroom is graced with his favorite tunes daily. My students hate it.

#5- "Tiny Bumps" (his name for my sister and I. He said that when we were babies we looked like tiny bumps under a blanket.)

#6- Flying a kite. I remember one, rainy, Sunday afternoon, when we went outside in our neighborhood and flew a kite. The 1st (and last) kite I ever flew. It got caught in a tree within 3 minutes.

#7. Cadillac's. (His favorite type of car)

#8- His jewelry. He always wore a Gucci watch (which My husband now owns), his wedding ring, another gold and diamond rind, and a gold bracelet. I remember back in the 80s when he would wear a gold necklace.....apparently that was cool back then.

#9- "Ra-Ra". A game he used to play with my sister and I when we were toddlers. He would wear a black and red robe, that resembled Dracula, and would laugh in a scary villain type laugh. He would pretend to be dead, and my sister and I would try to wake him up, and he would JUMP up and scare the be-Jesus out of us! We giggled and giggled! He nicknamed himself "ra ra" and it stuck.

#10- I remember one time when we all went out to eat at our favorite Chinese restaurant (Hunan Garden) in Lima. Dad opened up a packet of sugar and poured it in the ashtray instead of his coffee. We all laughed and laughed.

#11- I remember him teaching me how to drive. He always let me drive on the back roads to the Lima Mall. My mom would never do this, but Dad always did. He was always very calm and relaxed when he would let me drive. He was showing me how to parallel park outside of Gustwillers Clothing Store in Ottawa. He said "Now...just do this slowly and......" BOOM. All of a sudden we crashed into the car behind us. I looked at dad, in shock, and said, "Did you just hit that car!?!?!?" He said, "Yep". And that was that. I still cannot parallel park to this day.

#12- His love of food! (Some of his favorite restaurants were Milano's, Ruth's Chris, Red Pig Inn, Aunt Cathfishes's, House of Hunan, and Clay's) He knew good food!

#13- His love of dessert. I totally know where I get this trait from.

#14- His famous "entrance" to see a patient. I worked at his office for 3 summers. I adored the way he greeted his patients. He would knock on the door, open it, and say, "WELLLLLL....... if it isn't (insert patients name)." His tone of voice was always so chipper and his smile was HUGE. He did this with EVERY patient he saw, all. day. long.

#15- I will never forget the sound of his walk. My Dad had polio as a child and walked with a limp. His walk had a distinct sound. I miss it.


#16- I will never forget when he shook the hand of my first (serious) boyfriend. My boyfriend told me later that night that my dad squeezed his hand SO HARD that it hurt. I was beaming.

#17- I will never forget the one time my dad comforted me after the same boyfriend broke my heart. I worked at a restaurant in college called "Diamond River" and Mom and Dad came in for dinner. (of course sitting in my section and leaving the best tips!) My boyfriend had just broken up with me before my shift started and I was heartbroken. When I saw them sitting in one of my booths, I went over to them.....and the tears started coming. Dad told me to sit down and he patted me on the back and held me close and told me it would be OK. I will never forget that.

#18- I broke my arm when I was 13. I fell off the top bunk bed at the lake in the middle of the night. The hospital didn't open til 7am, so I had to suffer for a few hours until we could get an X-ray. Dad fixed me right up. He made a red-neck splint that worked like a charm! Who knew that a camera strap and a"MAD" magazine would have worked so beautifully! When we got to the hospital I will never forget the X-ray tech making him wear a huge shield with a big yellow smiley face on it. He looked so funny and I remember giggling at him and he smiling back at me. Suddenly, my arm didn't hurt anymore and getting a cast was kinda cool.

#19- I broke my arm again when I was 21. I was Tarzan swinging off a cliff while on a houseboat trip with a bunch of friends. Apparently I thought I had more upper body strength then I actually did. As soon as I jumped off that cliff, my arms were not strong enough to hold my body weight and I fell 30ft into 2 inches of water. It hurt like the dickens. When we arrived back home (THE NEXT DAY! One of the most painful nights I have ever lived through) I walked into my house and dad was sitting at the kitchen counter. He looked at me (with his huge smile and sparkling blue eyes) and says with total joy (as always), "HEY!! How was the trip??" I immediately burst into tears and said, "I think I broke my arm!" He (of course) starts laughing at me and tells me to "get in the car". He took me to the care center and got me a cast. (note: I also had a broken ankle. Yikes)


#20- He used to do this little rhyme with me called "The church and the steeple". I will teach it to Leo.

#21- I can say this with complete honesty..... my Dad only REALLY yelled at me 1 time. And I will never forget it. I'm sure he got mad at me all the time, but he never raised his voice or showed his anger before this time. I was a senior in HS. I told a boy that I would go to the homecoming dance with him. Then a few weeks later I told that same boy I wouldn't. My dad found out. He got really angry at me and told me that I could not treat people like that. If I said I was gonna go, then I had to go. I had never seen him that upset at me before. I ended up going with that boy.

#22- We used to take family vacations to Daytona Beach, FL every summer. One trip Dad let me order as many pina colada's as I wanted! (NA of course...I was like 12) I think I had like 7 in one day.

#23- On one of our many Daytona Beach trips my sister and I were allowed to bring our BFF, Traci, with us. My dad and mom went out shopping one day and let us hang out at the hotel. When they returned Dad gave all 3 of us these beautiful dolphin necklaces and matching t-shirts. It was so like him to get one for our friend. I never realized how sweet that was til years later.

#24- Every year for Christmas my Dad would get me a piece of jewelry JUST FROM HIM. It was usually a ring because I used to wear one on every finger. (I know.... tacky) I looked forward to that gift every year.

#25- Speaking of Christmas....this was his favorite holiday! He would NEVER EVER let anyone open any presents early! My sister and I would always ask him (beg him) if we could open JUST ONE! We knew he'd say "no", but it was fun testing him. He wanted to savor every minute of the Christmas season. Even when Christmas morning did (finally) roll around, he would make us drag out "present opening" for hours! He would make us take breaks, and eat some breakfast, or drink some coffee, so it could last longer. I think it took us 4 hours to open presents that last Christmas he was with us. He knew it's be his last.

#26- I will never forget one day, coming home from church with my Mom and sister, to find my Dad sitting in the bar room working on a train set.....in BLUE JEANS. This was the one and only time I EVER saw him in jeans. My sister and I were stunned!!!

#27- He loved to read! He always had a book in his hand!

#28- One time I was at a HS party. The police came. I flipped out! They made everyone call their parents to come pick them up. It was around 1am......just the time my Dad would have been getting off work. When I called, he answered and came and got me. When I opened the door, I was terrified that I would get in trouble. But, I was wrong. He was sitting in the driver's seat...smiling as usual.... and said, "Don't tell your mom about this." That was our secret for a long time.


#29- He sewed my ribbons on by pointe (ballet) shoes for me. He was very good at sewing. Why? He was used to giving stitches and could tie a mean knot!

#30- Speaking of giving stitches......I love blood and gore! I loved when Dad wold let me "observe" when he would have a patient who needed stitches. He would be sewing up somebody's hand or head, and there I'd be, right in the middle of it all!!!

#31- I will never forget the time when Dad took my sister and I to "Toys R Us" and bought us each our own baby carriage.

#32- Every year at Christmas Dad would take my sister and I shopping in Lima to shop for my Mom's Christmas gifts. We all 3 would go together and then we would go out to eat. It was a tradition.

#33- One of my favorite movies is "Braveheart". It was one of my dad's too. We loved the part when this guys head gets blown off by a cannonball. We would play it in slow motion 15 times and watch it over and over.

#34- When I was little I had an infatuation with coffee and candy cigarettes. My dad would allow me to have both. When we would go to the carry-out at the lake, he would get himself a pack of REAL cigarettes and bring me back a pack of candy ones. Oh the irony......

#35- I loved all the shopping sprees my mom, sister, dad, and I would go on! He would take us to "big malls" like Ft. Wayne, Columbus, Toledo, and Cincinnati! The girls would shop, shop, shop. He would find a bench, buy a book and a Pepsi, and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. He was the most patient man I have ever known.

#36- He had the loudest snore I have ever heard.

#37- One time I think I hurt my dad's feelings. My friend, Jayme, and I were driving and some kid hit the front end of my car. It messed up my front wheels a little bit and were not able to continue driving home. So we called HER dad to come pick us up. He did and dropped me off at home. When I got home, I told my dad what happened and how Jayme's dad came and picked us up. A sad look that I had never seen before came across his face, and he said, "Why didn't you call me?" My heart sank and I felt terrible. To this day, I don't know why I didn't call him......


#38- When I was 17 years old I made the biggest mistake of my life. I went to Country Concert without my parents permission. I got caught with an open container of alcohol. (It TOTALLY wasn't mine...*wink wink*) I got handcuffed and taken to jail. (*wince*) When the police told me that they were going to call my parents, I begged them to "please ask for my Dad." (I knew my mom wold flip out...and she did!) I crossed my fingers when they called, praying that Dad would be home. He wasn't. Major bummer. I had to face the wrath of my mother over the phone. A conversation that kept me in total terror until I was back home.

#39- My freshman year in college I got very sick. I had some sort of viral sickness that made me miss an entire week of classes, 15 lbs, and my eye sight drop a couple levels. (apparently if you get sick enough, that can happen) My mom had to come pick me up at school and immediately took me to my dad's office. Between several vomit trips to the bathroom, dad asked me, "When was your last bowel movement?" in complete seriousness. I looked at him (in disgust) and said, "I have no idea". He burst out laughing and said, "I guess girls don't keep track of that stuff!".

#40- About a month before he died I played the best April Fools trick on my dad! I heart April Fools day! I was working at a school and had a very (very) CrAzY parent (her name was Doris) who made that year very interesting! I would come to my parents house for dinner sometimes and my dad would get the biggest kick out of "Doris stories". She was totally psycho! On April Fool's Day I called my dad at work (he continued to work up until a week before he passed) and pretended to be crying! I told him that Doris had busted up in the school and had me fired!!! He totally bought it and got sooooo angry and threatened to sue this woman!! (I had never heard him that serious or mad!) I started laughing and said, "April Fools!!!". He burst out laughing and said "Good one!!!"

#41- I remember when he came into my school in 2nd grade to be a guest speaker. I was so proud.

#42- I remember one time when we had gone out to dinner with another family and (for some reason) I thought it would be funny to mix up a bunch of random condiments and tell me dad to eat it. I mixed all kinds of stuff i found at the table..... salt, pepper, mustard, ketchup, ice cream, creamer, and I'm sure some other gross stuff. I asked Dad to try it cause it was good, and he did. He made a face that any person would after tasting a bite of that nastiness. But, just looked at me and smiled. My mom, on the other hand, yelled at me later!

#43- One time in the middle of the night a friend of mine called my house. I was up watching TV and picked up the phone. My dad picked up the phone in his bedroom at the exact same time. When I heard his voice I said, "Dad, I got it. It's for me," and he proceeded to talk to me, like I was the one calling. He was still half asleep and was saying things like, "Are you OK?" and "Where are you?" The whole time I'm in the living room trying to tell him to hang up the phone..... the call is for me.... He didn't understand and my friend (Aaron) who was on the other end was just sitting there, listening to all this craziness! When I FINALLY convinced dad to hang up the phone.... all Aaron said was "wow."

#44- My dad's favorite color was "baby bump-o blue".

#45- My dad wore a uniform. Light blue button down shirt and kacki pants. All day, everyday.

#46- He gave me my first job. I worked at his office in the summers doing filing work. He taught me how to have a good work ethic, how to be on time, and how to work hard to make my money.

#47- I get my love of the arts from my dad. Broadway, plays, musicals..... our family loved them all! He took us to see all kinds of performances! When all my friends were listening to the top radio stations and buying the latest CDs, I was rocking out to the soundtrack of "CATS" and "Phantom of the Opera".

#48- One time I was home and so was Dad. I was sick and threw up. When I looked at what came up (I know..gross....sorry!) I noticed it was red! I freaked out and came running out of the bathroom and said, "DAD! I Just threw up BLOOD!". He looked concerned and came back to the bathroom, looked in the toilet, and burst out laughing. He said.... "that's not blood. Did you just eat something red?" I said, "Jello". He just laughed and walked out. Apparently that wasn't blood.....

#49- Dad was a dog lover. I don't ever remember a time when we didn't have a dog in the house. Fluffy, Peanut, Annie, and Josie. He loved them all! In fact, when he came out of his colon cancer surgery, one of the first things he asked us while he was waking up was "How is Josie?". We also used to sneak Josie into the hospital to see dad all the times he was admitted. She was a Yorkie and was small enough to hide in a coat . He loved that dog like a child! I know the feeling.....

#50- Dad loved the movie "Finding Nemo". He would laugh so hard at the part when Dorie says "Come here little fella". Every time I watch that movie, and that part comes on, I smile and tear up a little.

#51- I remember my very first teaching job at Allen East Middle School! I was sooooo excited.... and I think Dad was too! Him and mom came to school on a Sunday evening and stayed until like 9pm helping me set my classroom up! My dad spend hours cutting out letters and handing them up on the wall, making it perfect for me!

#52- I'll never forget the very first time I saw my dad cry. My sister had just won the "student of the year" award in gymnastics! He was wearing sunglasses, but I saw a tear roll down his cheek. I was shocked! I didn't know that Dad's cried.....

#53- When on a family trip to Daytona Beach, Dad made all of us go to St. Augustine FL. (the oldest city in the US) He loved history and made us all suffer through all the tours of forts and history lessons. We hated it, but he loved it!

#54- My grandparents lived in Las Vegas for several years and we went to visit them several times. One time while we were visiting, Dad took my sister and I to a water park called "Wet and Wild". By far, the coolest thing we had ever done in our 12 years of life. I don't know why Grandma and Grandpa or my mom didn't go, but it was just Dad and us.....and it was really fun!

#55- I think I was 13 or 14.... and my sister and I got one of the best Christmas presents ever! A new game called "Mall Maddness"! We freaked out! I will never forget my Dad spending hours putting that game together for us!

#56- I am TERRIFED of bugs. Scared. To. Death. One time there was a GIANT MONSTER (a grasshopper) on the backseat of our van. I screamed for dad to come KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT! He said, "Well, I can't kill it.... what if it's somebody's mother?" I looked at him like he was crazy and watched in slience as he scooped it up and laid it outside. Bless.

#57- My dad would laugh at situations most people would freak out in! I miss his laugh! One time the police station called him at work and said, "Dr. Ogle.... somebody just stole your van, drove through a yard, and crashed." His immediate responce.... a burst of laughter.

#58- My dad loved to give people nicknames. All his staff and nurses had a nickname, I had a nickname (Bump-o), my sister had a nickname (Pooh), my mom had a nickname (Jean-O), my aunt had a nickname (Trailer Trash Tracey), my cousin had a nickname (Chuck). It never ended. All in good fun and he loved it!

#59- Dad wasn't much of a "handy-man", but oh how he wanted to be! He would go out in the garage and "tinker" for hours! He made a workbench once that had one leg longer than the other and was so tilted you almost couldn't use it, but he was proud of it! He also had more tools than anyone I knew....and I doubt he ever used half of them!

#60- Nindento "Punch Out" will forever and always remind me of my Dad. He taught me how to play that game and shared in my joy when I finally got to fight Mike Tyson!

#61- He carried around the newspaper announcement of my sister and I's birth in his wallet. It was old, small, and crumpled, but it had a permante home in his wallet. I think that is so sweet.

Well..... there you have it. My top 61 memories of my dad, James Curtis Ogle II. What an amazing man, who I miss everyday!

Right before we turned off the machine that was keeping him alive, I made him promise me that he would NEVER haunt me or try to scare me in the "afterlife". He has kept good on that promise. (Though I know that he'd love to "get me good" one day and Im sure it's bound to happen....)

I also wrote a list of memories that I have, that are specific to his last few years and months of life. But, I have had so much fun remembering all the good memories, I really don't feel like remembering some of the sad ones, so maybe I'll save that for another blog at another time. Or maybe it wouldn't hurt to forget some of "those memories" over time....

I'm glad I got a chance to "write" all these down. Now there are documented and can be accessed whenever and wherever. I know they will be forever "documented" in my memory, but Lord know how long they will last up there.

Random Question...... (By: Jessica)

I ask myself random questions daily. Sometimes multiple times. I ponder these questions for long periods of time.

One that has been haunting me for years.....yea, years concerns the homeless.

The homeless have always made me wonder. I don't know why, but ever since I was little, I have always been (for lack of a better word) fascinated with the homeless.

I remember being told by my mom when I was younger, "stop staring" whenever I would see someone without a home.

I remember while on a class trip to NYC, getting scremed at by a teacher for taking pictures of a homeless man. I wasn't doing it to be rude or disrespectful, I honestly wanted to snap a photo and study it farther when I got hime. My mom always told me starting was rude, so in my own little world, taking a picture was quicker, more polite, and definatly not staring. It's important to know that the picture never came out correctly when it got developed. I specifically remember quickly flipping through all 200 of my NYC pictures, to try to find the single pict of that homeless man. My heart broke when all I saw was a blurry blob.

Currently, whenever we drive past a certain spot as we are getting off of I-385, I tell Toby to "roll down the window.... give him some change" and then I spend the next 30 minutes (at least) thinking of this........


My question: Why do homeless people NOT commit crimes in order to be placed in jail?

Think about it.....

If you are homeless, jail would be like staying at the Ritz. 3 meals (maybe even snacks... I'm not sure how it works), a bed, roommate, toilet, shower, friends (possibly a "relationship"), exercise, TV, heat/air, clean clothes.

Sounds nice if you have next to nothing, right? I thought so too.....

I mean, this could be your plan if you were homeless..... Rob a gas station or a bank.

This is a no-loose situation.

If you get caught and arrested, you're IN! Jailhouse rock, baby!

If you surprise yourself and are actually a good crook, and you DON'T get caught...... at least you made off with a good amount of cash and/or a buffet of gas station eats.

You know I'm right.

This question will forever haunt me.

Please don't take this question as being disrespectful. It is just something that I have always wondered....similar to how the person became homeless in the first place.

Possible answers to my random question that has been haunting me for years:
1. Drugs?
2. The choice to be homeless was optional and they actually enjoy being one with nature?
3. Jail is a lot worse than I imagine?
4. There is some law where police will not arrest a homeless person?
5. All homeless people are "good honest people" and would never think of doing such a thing. gasp.

I'll keep thinking about it, I'm sure.

Lindsey, what's your thought? I'm with ya - except I can't help to wonder about Ted Williams, the guy with the "golden voice." According to your theory, he should commit a crime for a better life. Ted was given a second chance in life all because a reporter took the time to stop and "see" him. Grant it, Williams had a gift that set him apart from other homeless. And his fame hasn't exactly been easy for him as he has already been in rehab. But even so his life will never be the same. Ted is in a win win situation. Rehab or fame, he's not on the streets, and he didn't even have to commit a crime. He has a change for "better" life all because he was acknowledged and recognized.  So maybe we should stare, acknowledge, and help the homeless.

I just saw on Dr. Phil that he left rehad and (Phil) believe's he's still using..... Drugs apparently are powerful little buggers. Whatever. This guy confuses me.


Yes, I'm not exactly sure what is going on.  All I know his he's been given the opportunity to turn his life around, it would be a shame to see his addiction ruin him.  

Dear Leo ( By:Jessica)

Dear Leo,

Hi Bumpy! (this is one of the many nicknames I have for you. I love nicknames. So did your Grandpa Ogle...hopefully you will meet him in your dreams sometime. He was a wonderful man. )

Do you have any idea how excited I am to meet you?

I'm thinking you are just as excited to meet your Dad and I, because when Daddy talked to you last night, you kicked him right in the mouth...thus demonstrating your excitment to hear his voice! We have been waiting for you for what seems like forever! We prayed and prayed and prayed......and prayed for you! You are definatly our gift from God himself! What we did to deserve you, we may never know, but we will forever be grateful!

When I found out I was carrying you in my belly, I didn't believe my eyes when the at-home test came up POSITIVE! I actually threw away the 1st pregnancy test I took....I didn't wait long enough for it to "change". I was so used to seeing "negative signs", that I just assumed it was another failure. (My test taking skills are not very good....something I will tell you about one day when you are older.... ) I threw away,what I thought was a negative test, and went about my day. A couple days later, I started to feel "different". My mind started racing and something forced me to go back to the bathroom trash can and take another look at that negative test I threw away. After I dug through old kleexes, Q-tips, clothing tags, and other bathroom trash, I found it. I looked at it. And I couldn't believe my eyes. It was positive. My heart melted, tears formed, and a HUGE smile came across my face. This was finally happening.

Your Dad thought you were a little girl from the very beginning. He is normally right on everything (don't EVER tell him I told you that) so I kinda believed him....at first. But, as the weeks went on I just knew that you were a little boy. Not only was it destiny that you were meant to be a boy, (you ARE a Rolfes and you really didn't have a choice) but your Nonna and I were secretly hoping you were a boy. Mother knows best, right? We were thrilled when our nurse said "Oh...I think I see a boy!". Dad had a smile on his face that I have never seen before and I got a little teary. The nurse said, "Do you have any names picked out?" and I immediatly said "Yes... that is Leo". And that was that.

We have been working very hard to prepare for you, Mister! As soon as we found out that you were a little BOY, I went nuts designing your bedroom! I searched and searched the Internet for the perfect bedding for you! I fell in love with the baby elephant design from JcPenney; a place you will soon find out is my favorite place to shop!

Nonna bought you your bedding set, the first of many gifts she will spoil you rotten with, Im sure! Dad and I went to Babies R Us and picked out your crib, changer, and dresser. Grandma and Grandpa bought you your bed, a tradition in the Beckstedt family. Another little fact about your bedroom furniture is that your cousin McKinley (your future BFF, just so you know) has the same furniture as you! You two are so much alike already! Mom, Nonna, and Aunt Jenelle found you your bookshelf and Raggedy Andy statue at a flea market and Dad and I are still shopping around for a chair to rock you to sleep in! Hopefully we find it soon....Dad is still searching for a "good deal" (typical).

At this point in time (Feb. 2011) we are in the process of trying to find someone to babysit you when I go back to work. It's an exciting and stressful time. We would love Nonna and Grandma to take turns taking care of you, but that may have to wait a couple years. So far, we have a few options and are still looking for the perfect person. We are hopeful that God will lead us to someone who will be a perfect match.

I want to take this time to apologize for a few things. I figured I'd start off fresh when you arrive and we make our first eye contact...so I want to clear the air with you now.

First of all, Im so sorry for my singing. I know that my singing voice (something I have dreamed will resemble Celine Dion's, but has yet to compare...) is not something you want to hear at 7am everyday, but it's something I like to do while driving to work. Just know that the entire time I'm singing, Im thinking in the back of my head "ya know... this is probably really hard on Leo right now." I'm sorry baby. Mama loves you.

Next, I'd like to apologize in advance if you happen to get my athletic ability. I pray everynight (seriously) that you end up with your Dad's athletic ability and not mine. But, if you do take after me in that area.... please know this was not my intention. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I swear! I have never been good at sports. Never. Not any sport. I fail miserably at being athletic. I do really enjoy exercising and jogging, something that took many years to finally be "good at", but that's about it. So, sorry buddy, it you end up not being the sporty type. That will be my fault, not yours. I will still love you more than ever and will secretly thank you for not making me learn all the sports lingo and rules of all the games. I still don't know what a "first down" is. (but Im still crossing my fingers that you are minic your Daddy in this area....:) )

I want to say "I'm Sorry" for disturbing you at night while you are trying to sleep. I've never been a good sleeper and I'm totally aware that I toss and turn way too much for your taste. 10 (or so) more weeks and you will finally have a "toss free" sleep, and if you don't, at least it won't be my fault!

I am very sorry for some of the things I put into my body. I am aware that what I eat, you eat as well. I know that cream cheese frosting, sugar snap peas, and popcorn do not go well together, nor is that a healthy meal for either of us. For that I am sorry. I'll do better.

I'm sorry that I bought you the book "The Princess and the Pea". Your Daddy thinks this is a "girly gift". Maybe he's right. I'll take it back. But, it is a good story, just so you know. Maybe I'll hide it and save it for another time. We will see. Anyway- I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.

I'm glad I got to say my apologies. Better now that later..... like I said, when you enter this world I don't want there to be any ill feelings beteween us. I hope you can forgive me and we can move forward.

Now it's just time to sit and wait for you, my little squirmy wormy. I'm a pretty patient person, so I think I can handle it. I hope you are excited to meet us too and I hope we meet all your expectations. We will try our best from here on out. You are our "dream come true" and our world now revolves around you, my son.

xoxo
Love, Mommy

P.S. Your big sister Gertie is excited too, though she may not show it. I think she's a little jealous and Im sure that will pass. Just be patient with her, as she has had the spotlight in the family for awhile now. She will learn to love you as her little brother and deep down inside, she's looking forward to teaching you the ropes. We are working on sharing with her, as she sometimes thinks that your toys are her's. She even helped test out your new stroller. (she fell down the crack and almost got stuck though, before Dad saved her....she's still a little mad about that, so let's not bring it up again, ok? )

Dear Jessica, Jess, friend, BFF, 
You are in love and I love it.  I can't wait to meet Leo and watch you embrace motherhood like a pro:)  
Leo is a lucky little peanut and I'm sure is kicking and screaming in excitement to meet you!!
Love,
L

Am I one of "them"? Yep. (By: Jessica)

When my BFF, Lindsey, asked me if I wanted to co-write a blog with her, my first reactions was "yes".

Why? Cause there was no reason for me to say "no" to her. She comes from a long line of "bloggers" and I know she has always wanted to start one.

Plus, she has always had a way of convincing me to do things.....

Like the time when she convinced me to do a dance at a club that she swore looked cool. I did it and it was like crack... I was addicted.

Or like the time she convinced me to meet her cousin in order to help me get over a bad break-up. I did it and now am married to the most amazing man God ever created.

Or the time she convinced me to dance like a fool down the isle at her wedding. I did it and felt like a superstar. A long-time dream of mine.

Or the time she convinced me to play hookie form work and go shopping with her, in an attempt to get my mind off my Dad, laying in a coma in a hospital bed. I did and didn't realize how bad I needed that shopping trip.

Or the time she convinced me to ask a stranger on an airplane to switch seats with me so I could sit next to her and help her out in a time of need. I did it and thats when this crazy friendship (that I don't think I could live without) started.

Her job.....set it up.

My job..... think of a title.

BAM! That's how we work.

I can honestly say that I have never really thought about starting a blog before. In fact, people who blogged somtimes confused me. I have always wondered what the purpose of a blog was. What do "these people" have to say that they feel is so important to share with the world wide web? Whenever someone would say "Check out my blog" or "I have a blog" or "I posted it in my blog", I would give a simple eye roll and smile. As silly as I thought blogging was, I did in fact follow several blogs myself.....I know....whatever.

Now that Im a blogger myself (still getting used to the new title.....Jessica the Blogger, Mrs. Blogger, Blog-ette, One who bloggs, ect....) I think I have figured out why people do it...or at least why I do it. I do it for myself. It's like my own on-line journal. Im not writing for the world, Im not writing for the pleasure of others, Im writing for me. It's fun and allows me to be creative. Ok...I get it now.

So.....Sorry for all the past judgement, fellow bloggers. I was wrong about you and thanks for allowing me to join your club.

Growing a Human (By: Jessica)

So, I've been growing a human inside of my body for the past 7 months. It has been a very interesting experience to say the least. Everyday there is something new...a new ache, a new pain, a new feeling, a new craving, a new look, a new emotion. Overall, I can say that I have truly enjoyed being pregnant. I really have. I like new stuff. Its exciting.

But, new stuff eventually turns old, and that is what's slowly happening. I have loved being pregnant, but I'd done now. Ok. Did you hear me..... I'm donnnnnnnne now.

But, despite if Im ready to be done or not, it's really not up to me. The bumpkin still has a little cookin to do So, I will endure.

But, just for kicks and a chance to vent a bit....here is a list of things that have annoyed me beyond belief for the past 213 days......

#1. There are certain people out there who feel the need to always tell me to "just wait". I'd like to give these people a knuckle-sandwich right in their pie hole.

But, Im not that kind of girl.

"Just wait til your baby is born"

"Just wait til you have kids"

"Just wait til your a mom"

Like I have a choice? Waiting is the only thing I can do at this point.

The most annoying this about this, is that they say "just wait" like it's such a bad thing. Like I have made a TERRIBLE decision to have a baby. Like there's still time to change my mind.

They always say that phrase with a Dr. Evil type smirk and tone in their voice, like I'm about to take a giant leap into Hell.

It's kinda frighting..... like they know something I don't about having a baby. Something really, really bad. I always feel like they are laughing on the inside, sounding like a wicked queen with a scary cackle.

These people are just annoying.

#2- There are also people who feel the need to rub my belly like a crystal ball. Just typing that out got on my nerves.

#3- People who laugh at me when I get excited for things baby related. Yes, there are people out there who have done this. (these people usually end up converting quickly to the people refered to in #1) They seem to think it's funny that I am looking forward to sleepless nights, hundreds of diaper changes, the pain of childbirth, being covered in baby vomit, and the endless sound of a baby's cry. Laugh at me all you want....but I have waited a long time to experience these things.... so bite me.

#4- When people tell me to go ahead and eat whatever I want because I have an excuse. Not really, losers. Fat is still fat and just because Im pregnant dosen't mean that it won't stick to me. Im still gonna have to loose it one way or another. Durrrrr.

Ok.. I'm gonna stop now. I feel like I am doing more bitching instead of simple venting, and I'm starting to annoy myself.

Like I said before, I have enjoyed being pregnant. But, I'm done now. Im ready to hold Leo (yes.. that's his name, not his astrological sign.....that would have been #5....) and kiss his little head and hold his little hand. Being pregnant has been nice, but (and I'm just guessing here...) I'm assuming being a mommy will be even better.

But, I guess I'll have to "just wait" .