Dear Leo ( By:Jessica)

Dear Leo,

Hi Bumpy! (this is one of the many nicknames I have for you. I love nicknames. So did your Grandpa Ogle...hopefully you will meet him in your dreams sometime. He was a wonderful man. )

Do you have any idea how excited I am to meet you?

I'm thinking you are just as excited to meet your Dad and I, because when Daddy talked to you last night, you kicked him right in the mouth...thus demonstrating your excitment to hear his voice! We have been waiting for you for what seems like forever! We prayed and prayed and prayed......and prayed for you! You are definatly our gift from God himself! What we did to deserve you, we may never know, but we will forever be grateful!

When I found out I was carrying you in my belly, I didn't believe my eyes when the at-home test came up POSITIVE! I actually threw away the 1st pregnancy test I took....I didn't wait long enough for it to "change". I was so used to seeing "negative signs", that I just assumed it was another failure. (My test taking skills are not very good....something I will tell you about one day when you are older.... ) I threw away,what I thought was a negative test, and went about my day. A couple days later, I started to feel "different". My mind started racing and something forced me to go back to the bathroom trash can and take another look at that negative test I threw away. After I dug through old kleexes, Q-tips, clothing tags, and other bathroom trash, I found it. I looked at it. And I couldn't believe my eyes. It was positive. My heart melted, tears formed, and a HUGE smile came across my face. This was finally happening.

Your Dad thought you were a little girl from the very beginning. He is normally right on everything (don't EVER tell him I told you that) so I kinda believed him....at first. But, as the weeks went on I just knew that you were a little boy. Not only was it destiny that you were meant to be a boy, (you ARE a Rolfes and you really didn't have a choice) but your Nonna and I were secretly hoping you were a boy. Mother knows best, right? We were thrilled when our nurse said "Oh...I think I see a boy!". Dad had a smile on his face that I have never seen before and I got a little teary. The nurse said, "Do you have any names picked out?" and I immediatly said "Yes... that is Leo". And that was that.

We have been working very hard to prepare for you, Mister! As soon as we found out that you were a little BOY, I went nuts designing your bedroom! I searched and searched the Internet for the perfect bedding for you! I fell in love with the baby elephant design from JcPenney; a place you will soon find out is my favorite place to shop!

Nonna bought you your bedding set, the first of many gifts she will spoil you rotten with, Im sure! Dad and I went to Babies R Us and picked out your crib, changer, and dresser. Grandma and Grandpa bought you your bed, a tradition in the Beckstedt family. Another little fact about your bedroom furniture is that your cousin McKinley (your future BFF, just so you know) has the same furniture as you! You two are so much alike already! Mom, Nonna, and Aunt Jenelle found you your bookshelf and Raggedy Andy statue at a flea market and Dad and I are still shopping around for a chair to rock you to sleep in! Hopefully we find it soon....Dad is still searching for a "good deal" (typical).

At this point in time (Feb. 2011) we are in the process of trying to find someone to babysit you when I go back to work. It's an exciting and stressful time. We would love Nonna and Grandma to take turns taking care of you, but that may have to wait a couple years. So far, we have a few options and are still looking for the perfect person. We are hopeful that God will lead us to someone who will be a perfect match.

I want to take this time to apologize for a few things. I figured I'd start off fresh when you arrive and we make our first eye contact...so I want to clear the air with you now.

First of all, Im so sorry for my singing. I know that my singing voice (something I have dreamed will resemble Celine Dion's, but has yet to compare...) is not something you want to hear at 7am everyday, but it's something I like to do while driving to work. Just know that the entire time I'm singing, Im thinking in the back of my head "ya know... this is probably really hard on Leo right now." I'm sorry baby. Mama loves you.

Next, I'd like to apologize in advance if you happen to get my athletic ability. I pray everynight (seriously) that you end up with your Dad's athletic ability and not mine. But, if you do take after me in that area.... please know this was not my intention. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I swear! I have never been good at sports. Never. Not any sport. I fail miserably at being athletic. I do really enjoy exercising and jogging, something that took many years to finally be "good at", but that's about it. So, sorry buddy, it you end up not being the sporty type. That will be my fault, not yours. I will still love you more than ever and will secretly thank you for not making me learn all the sports lingo and rules of all the games. I still don't know what a "first down" is. (but Im still crossing my fingers that you are minic your Daddy in this area....:) )

I want to say "I'm Sorry" for disturbing you at night while you are trying to sleep. I've never been a good sleeper and I'm totally aware that I toss and turn way too much for your taste. 10 (or so) more weeks and you will finally have a "toss free" sleep, and if you don't, at least it won't be my fault!

I am very sorry for some of the things I put into my body. I am aware that what I eat, you eat as well. I know that cream cheese frosting, sugar snap peas, and popcorn do not go well together, nor is that a healthy meal for either of us. For that I am sorry. I'll do better.

I'm sorry that I bought you the book "The Princess and the Pea". Your Daddy thinks this is a "girly gift". Maybe he's right. I'll take it back. But, it is a good story, just so you know. Maybe I'll hide it and save it for another time. We will see. Anyway- I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.

I'm glad I got to say my apologies. Better now that later..... like I said, when you enter this world I don't want there to be any ill feelings beteween us. I hope you can forgive me and we can move forward.

Now it's just time to sit and wait for you, my little squirmy wormy. I'm a pretty patient person, so I think I can handle it. I hope you are excited to meet us too and I hope we meet all your expectations. We will try our best from here on out. You are our "dream come true" and our world now revolves around you, my son.

xoxo
Love, Mommy

P.S. Your big sister Gertie is excited too, though she may not show it. I think she's a little jealous and Im sure that will pass. Just be patient with her, as she has had the spotlight in the family for awhile now. She will learn to love you as her little brother and deep down inside, she's looking forward to teaching you the ropes. We are working on sharing with her, as she sometimes thinks that your toys are her's. She even helped test out your new stroller. (she fell down the crack and almost got stuck though, before Dad saved her....she's still a little mad about that, so let's not bring it up again, ok? )

Dear Jessica, Jess, friend, BFF, 
You are in love and I love it.  I can't wait to meet Leo and watch you embrace motherhood like a pro:)  
Leo is a lucky little peanut and I'm sure is kicking and screaming in excitement to meet you!!
Love,
L