Hormones.
However you spell it, they can really throw you for a loop.
For anyone who has NEVER experienced their hormones getting thrown completely outta whack, making you totally loose your s**t, then I bow down to you.......and I secretly am giving you the evil eye and hoping you step in a mud puddle while wearing white sandals.
For anyone who HAS experienced their hormones getting thrown completely outta whack, making you totally loose your s***, then you are "my people".
Hormone imbalance (depression, anxiety, mood swings, bipolar disorder, PMS....whatever) is something I struggle with.....pregnant or not. (but totally worse when I'm pregnant) It sucks. I hate it. It's like an annoying wart that keeps coming back after it's been frozen off.
It's amazing how these little bit**es can totally control a person's life. My life.
Seriously..... they can make me feel totally amazing, like I have everything in control, I'm overflowing with happiness, everyone loves me and I love everyone, birds are chirping, the sun is shining, I'm pooping rainbows, and my world is "just perfect and as it should be. ("hormone high" as I like to call it and totally unrealistic) I'm not fond of this feeling cause it's a total pump fake.
Or, they can make me feel like I am a total screw up, everyone is against me or hates me, and all my life consists of is an overstuffed arm chair, snickers ice cream, and Micky Mouse Clubhouse. Hopeless, helpless, gloom, and doom. Fun, huh?
My favorite feeling is the one where I feel normal. Like myself. That's the best one, and most common one for the most part. But sometimes, when I least expect it, BAM, sucker punched, stabbed in the back, blind sided, clothes-lined, they attack and let me down. Every time.
I didn't always live like this. This glorious chemical reaction within my body happened when Leo Beck Rolfes entered my life. Bless his heart.
I like to think I have this all under control. I mean, I "man-ed up" and told my Dr that I was going totally ape-s***, and he smiled at me, hugged me, and gave me some magic beans. They really do help keep things in control, thank Goodness. But, they also fail me at times and need to be given a pep talk. Nobody's perfect.
God bless my husband. That's all I have to say about that.
My 'mones have been really working overtime these last 9 months. I am 100% certain it is because I am having a girl/ Her hormones and mine together....... what a brewing pot of bubbling estrogen!!!
I knew from very early on in this pregnancy that I was in trouble. I suddenly found myself in the parking lot of Chick-fil-a, Leo in the backseat, bawling my eyes out while talking to Toby on the phone. Well, I actually wasn't talking, more like blubbering. I know I scared the be-jeezus out of Toby and the poor guy didn't know what to do! He asked me if I was planning on eating at Chick-fil-a and I let out a loud howl and screamed "NO! I have no idea where I'm going! I don't even like Chick-fil-a!!!' He (of course was speechless..... wouldn't you be?) and I then whispered, "Ok. bye." He didn't call me back right away....
So there I am, overcome with sadness and tears, barely able to catch my breath. A feeling I am totally not used to. I am NOT a crier. I do not cry or get emotional easily. I cannot cry on demand or bring on tears when I get a traffic ticket. (life would be a lot easier if I could do that....) So this spell I was experiencing in the Chick-fil-a parking lot, was new to me. With the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song playing in the background, I seriously thought the world was ending. It. Was. Terrible.
Some other events that have occurred due to my hormones messin' with me are as follows.....
1. Toby accusing me of throwing away his nose-hair trimmer and I screamed at him for a solid 4 minutes without taking a breath.
2. Toby casually mentioned that he needed to vacuum the carpet. I (my hormones) took that comment very personally.
3. Toby innocently asked me if Leo and I played outside today. This resulted in me looking at him like this:
My poor hubby...... God bless him. Seriously.
Anyway- this post serves a few purposes.
1. I needed to vent a bit and laugh at myself a little.
2. I need to verify to myself that everything I am experiencing concerning my hormones is totally outta my control and I can't help it. It's. Not. My. Fault.
3. To let others know that they are not alone if they too sometimes loose their s**t.
4. To let my husband know that I love him more than he will ever know and how much I appreciate him putting up with the "whores" in my life.
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