Throw a sippy cup at my face while I'm playing on my phone.
As soon as I wake up..... I mean IMMEDIATLY..... Start demanding juice and Daniel Tiger.
Start screaming in the middle of the night, at the top of your lungs, for no reason.
Rub your stickey hands all over the window I just washed.
Ask me how to do something after I spent 15 minutes explaing how to do something
Tell me you will babysit then say your too tired
Make me chase your naked ass all over the house while you laugh and I hold back tears
Eat a new recipe I made and say "it's ok"
Ask me if there is any way I can tip toe any quieter
Make a comment about how our floors are a hot mess AFTER I mopped and swept
Tell me "no" when I ask if you wanna shotgun a beer with me
Put the coffee creamer back in the fride with 1/8 teaspoon left in the bottle
Ask me if I ate my placenta
Show me a picture of Channing Tatum and his wife kissing
Give me $10,000 in technology and don't let me use it cause it's broke
Tell me that you pooped your pants..... On purpose
Put a load of laundry in the washer and leave.... Forever
Try to compete with me on whose pregnancy was harder..... When your 16.
Ask me why I'm tired
Punch me in the nose then laugh hysterically
Allow me to step in dog poop, barefoot
Burp then blow it in my face
Ignore my text messages
Spray water in my face, blinding me, from the kitchen sink sprayer, for a solid 45 seconds until I just start to sob
Tell me your entire birth story
Throw a temper tantrum in the middle of a birthday party because I won't allow you to pee in the yard
Tell me that the fun at golf tournament is very similar to the fun that happens while tailgating in order to convince me to go..... Then give me (1) warm La Batts Blue and an apple.
Question my interior design style...... When your a man
Don't be at all sympathetic and understanding when I'm sick..... When your 4.
Ask me if I wanna order pizza after I just started a cleanse
Tell me it's not safe to eat cookie dough because there are raw eggs in it
Bad mouth Michael Jackson
Quiz me on my biblical knowledge
Give me 2nd place in the District Teacher of the Year contest and then fire the person who got 1st place for giving oral sex to a student
Loose the TV remote control
Make fun of me because I can't tell time when you can't use the correct version of "there and their"
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