1. Leo has started falling asleep on the floor for his nap. And I totally let him.
2. I'm sooooooo excited for our family beach trip..... summer 2013 and 2014. Ok, So I like to have things to look forward to...
3. Toby is taking me to Ocean Isle beach for a weekend to celebrate my birthday. Cece will likley only be about (maybe) 3 weeks old. I feel a little bad about leaving her..... but I'm sooooooo lookking forward to some time with my husband and the ocean!
4. We recently got new bedding from Anna's Linens in Greenville. My bed feels like a new bed. Best. Bedding. Ever. I adore it!!!
5. I go grocery shopping once a month. One. Big. trip. It usually takes me a couple days to get my list organized and monthly dinner menu planned. Honestly.... I really enjoy it!
6. I'm still terrifief about Cece joining our family.
7. I had the 24 hr flu a few days ago. I hate vomit, the act of vomiting, or anything that looks, smells, or sounds like vomit. I will say that when I am "sick", I turn on water facutes, bathroom fans, showers, shut my eyes tight, and flush the toilet over and over and over again, all to avoid all things vomit.
8. Recently I have been buying things that have really let me down! Example...sippy cups that leak, hooks for hanging pots that do not stick out far enough, a new sprinkler for Leo that dosen't spray as good as it should, a life jacket for leo that dosen't float him like it should, and a picture frame that had 3 slots for pictures and I only wanted 2. Ugh.
9. I bought all 3 "50 Shades of Gray" books and started the 1st one..... a month ago. I just can't get into it. Am I weird?
10. For the past 4 or 5 months my Netflix movies have came in the mail and we have not watched any of them before I mailed them back.
11. I'm going to see "Magic Mike" on Sunday and words cannot express how excited I am. Actually..... I'm a little scared!
12. I strive to be the best mom, wife, friend, Christian, teacher, sister, and daughter I can be. It's exhausting. And I fail....daily.
13. I just hit "spell check" on this post before offically posting it.... and for the 1st time EVER I didn't spell about 25 words wrong! Spell check must be broken.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
The Bieber (By: Jess)
Ok. It's time to confess..... I ADORE Justin Bieber.
Not in a Channing Tantum kind of way.
Not the way I adored NKOTB.
Not the way I drool over Jake Gylenhall.
I love Justin Bieber like a proud mama.
Let me explain.
I think this kids is soooo extremely talented.
But let's start with the obvious. Yes, he is adorable. He is stinkin cute!!! I'm not "attracted" to him like his trillion fans. He's a tad young for me, and well, that's sick. But, I think he is extremely cute. He has beautiful eyes and a knock-out smile. Not to mention great hair for a guy. See for yourself....
Not in a Channing Tantum kind of way.
Not the way I adored NKOTB.
Not the way I drool over Jake Gylenhall.
I love Justin Bieber like a proud mama.
Let me explain.
I think this kids is soooo extremely talented.
But let's start with the obvious. Yes, he is adorable. He is stinkin cute!!! I'm not "attracted" to him like his trillion fans. He's a tad young for me, and well, that's sick. But, I think he is extremely cute. He has beautiful eyes and a knock-out smile. Not to mention great hair for a guy. See for yourself....
But besides that.... he is so, so, so, so talented! This kid can really sing. I mean, I'm no music teacher or anything, but I think he's good. Everytime I hear his music, I just smile and think, "way to go, kid! You rock!" I love his voice! It's upbeat and catchy and a lil raspy and soulful! I honestly could listen to him for hours! Seriously. I don't care what people say or how many eyes roll.....he's good. Just listen....it won't kill ya....
He can also dance! Like, really good!! I'm telling you....talent! I LOVE young talent!! He's also sweet, polite, respectful, and mature.
I secretly pray that Leo is the Justin Bieber of his generation. Hey....it could happen.......
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Burst of Energy (By: Lindsey)
I think I've said it before, but I love a plan and when your 9 1/2 months pregnant having a plan, organizing, and getting prepared is called nesting. I've been nesting it up in the kitchen and I'm super proud of what I've accomplished in the last few days. I've had an eye on several recipe items that I pinned on Pinterest, which I believe is brilliant, genius. Seriously, who ever thought Pinterest? I'd like to shake your hand, give a high five, maybe a hug. I just want to know how you came up with this idea.
Since we are all home in the summer and wake up with appetites, having some quick breakfast items on hand besides cereal is a need or maybe its a want. Either way, the Oatmeal Smoothies, I whipped up are great for you and very fulfilling. After pinning this Yummy Oatmeal Smoothies, I decided to make the cherry vanilla, apple peanut butter, blueberry pomegranate, and my very own creation of orange banana. I have approximately 20 different smoothies ready to go for the next few months. This was especially appealing to me as I had mason jars from my daughters party in which I made Cake in Jars, another inspiration from Pinterest. God love you. Utilizing these jars, with smoothies seemed like a fabulous idea. Super easy, if you go to the link you will notice the recipes calls for Chai seeds, I opted for wheat germ instead. I used dried cherries, frozen blueberries, fresh bananas as the recipe varies depending on the condition of the fruit. I did happen to taste test all of them, the apple peanut butter is pretty spectacular and cherry vanilla ranks a close second.
While whipping up these flavored smoothies, I preheated my oven, gathered my muffin pan, and cracked twelve eggs for my next frozen breakfast meal. Egg and Cheese Breakfast Sandwiches are super easy and freeze great. The hardest part about this recipe is cracking and dumping without getting those egg shells in:), but no worries thanks to my real simple magazine, I learned that you should crack the eggs on a flat surface, like my butcher block or countertop, instead of on the edge of a dish and doing so allows the crack to break throughout the membrane of the egg which decreases the chance of the shell breaking off. And by golly, it really works. I cracked twelve eggs into my muffin pan, popped them in the oven for 10-15 minutes. Sliced up 8 english muffins (which I was pretty sure the whole package had 12, but quickly learned I was going to be short 4), rummaged through my deli/cheese drawer in the refrigerator came up with colby jack, muenster, and provolone cheese - popped my english muffins in the oven (while the eggs were still cooking) for about 5 minutes, just to give them a little toast. Once everything came out of the oven I assembled them. Bread, cheese slice, egg, bread and BAMM. Done. Put them in the freezer for an hour on a cookie sheet, them got them out and wrapped them individually in foil, labeled my freezer bags and put into the freezer. Oh yea, for the four that did not have bread, I just put the cheese and eggs together to freeze and figure we can add the bread the morning of:). According to the blog, (see link above), this is suppose to be comparable to McDonalds Egg McMuffins, if so, I know I just scored big with the hubby:)
Can I just tell you how distracted I am right now, on the food network, Giada, is making chocolate covered fried bananas. I'm actually pondering if I have the ingredients. HA!
Back to my day in the kitchen, next, I made the "bomb burritos." After all, we do need something to eat for dinner. I made four and froze the remaining 14 for future meals. This meal idea/recipe comes from my sister in law's blog, she's a fantastic cook. This is super easy and one of McKinley's favorites. I purchase the "mini" flour burrito wraps for her and this makes for a great lunch or dinner, if Mommy and Daddy are away from home. Just pop in the oven on cookie sheet for 40-50 minutes. These lay frozen very well in the freezer as well.
Should be tired by now, but one of the signs of soon to be labor, is a sudden burst of energy. So I'm like the bunny, I keep going and going. Next up, is the Terriyaki Chicken Freezer Meal. Gather the ingredients, label the bags and assemble as suggested on this blog. EASY, PEASY and now I have two bags/meals ready to put in the crockpot.
Lastly, the Spinach Lasagna Rolls. I love me some spinach and McKinley loves anything with red sauce, so this a win - win, except I'm not sure what my husband thinks. He's to nice and probably wouldn't really tell me. Although, I suspect he will say something like, I just need a little more "meat, protein" this just isn't filling me up. So for me I make a mental note to serve with garlic cheese texas toast- then he's a happy camper. Or I just make this when it's just McKinley and I. As the recipe says, cook the noodles, whip up the cheeses and spinach, ladle onto the dried but cooked noodles, roll, freeze for 30 minutes, then wrap individually. Serve with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese after baking at 350 for an hour or so. These rolls are frozen and ready to go in the freezer waiting for a baby Coy. C'mon Coy- let's get the ball rollin'!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Dear Cece (By: Jess)
Hi darlin'!
Do you realize what a gift you are to Daddy and I? YOU ARE A GIRL!! WOW! We never thought that would happen! You are soon to be born into a family (on the Rolfes side) with a lot of boys...all boys to be exact. You have a lot of responsibility on your hands! Feel free to teach these boys a thing or two about being a girl! I know that you will fit right in!!
When Mommy found out that you were a beating heart inside my tummy, I was terrified! I'm not going to lie to you, baby. I was shocked, scared, and didn't know what to do! Of course, your daddy played it "so cool" and just smiled at me with that knock-out smile of his. I cried. and cried. and cried. Not because I didn't want you, but because emotionally, mentally, and physically I wasn't quite ready for you just yet. But, God has His own plan, and He was ready for you, so I had 9 months to get used to the idea!
It took me a few months.....if you want me to be honest..... to fully accept that you were real. I still feel the need to be pinch or woken up! You are a dream come true, baby!
When we went to the Dr to find out if you were a GIRL or BOY I was so excited! I secretly was hopin, wishin', and prayin' that you were a little girl...... but I didn't want to get my hopes up too much. A little boy would have been fine. Honestly, it would have. (if you were a boy, your name would have been Tate William.) We adore your brother and would have welcomed another baby boy into the family with open arms! But, deep down..... a little girl was what my heart was aching for.
When I heard the nurse say, "I see a little girl", my hands immediately went up to my mouth in total shock! NO WAY!!! Seriously?!?!?! Ohmygoodness...... really?!?! For real?!?! Ohmy!!!!! A girl!!!!!
When we called Grandma and Grandpa and Nonnie to tell them the good news, they all were sooooo thrilled!! From that moment on, it was pink, pink, pink!!
As soon as I knew you were a girl, I went shopping for the perfect bedroom for a princess!! I found some bedding that I loved and Nonnie bought it for you! Grandpa painted your room pink (or course) and I loved seeing him covered in pink paint!! You are going to sleep in your brothers old bed and use his old changing table and rocking chair! I hope you love it as much as he did! Aunt Jilly and Mommy put a lot of little touches on your bedroom. We hand-painted canvas's that matched the flowers in your blanket. We also painted little wooden butterflies that Aunt Jilly found at the thrift store and hung them on the wall. Jilly also found some candle holders that we hung up and we both painted the letters of your name (bright red!) and put them above your crib! Mommy's first baby blanket and rocking chair are in your room, along with one of my first baby dolls! Your closet if fully stocked with adorable dresses and your dresser drawers are over flowing with girly sleepers and onesies!! We are so ready to welcome you, sweetheart!!
You have been full of surprises, little girl, from day one! Starting with the intital shock that you were growing inside mommy, then finding out you were a GIRL, then finding out that my pregnancy was not going as smoothly as your brothers. A few concerns came up (my cervix was short....not that I expect you to understand what that is... google it when you are older) and I had to start seeing a specialist. To make a long story short, I had to have a little surgery (a cerclage..... again, google it) and then was put on bed rest. That was tough.... but it all was worth it when (after a few weeks) things with my cervix looked better and more normal and we all could breath a sign of relief.
I already have so many hopes and dreams for you, Cece. But, please don't feel pressured to accomplish all (if any) of these things! I know that you are your own person, with your own mind, and as you grow older you will form your own hopes and dreams..... but for now, just let Mom wish, ok?
~I want you to be come a professional ballerina and preform (one day) in a Broadway show. (Perferably "Cats", "Chicago", or "Rent")
~I want you to be sweet, cute, and polite your entire life! (which means: no swearing, no rolling your eyes, no sucking your teeth, no bare midriff's, no back-talk or sass, no piercings, no tattoos (at least where Dad and I can see.... what we don't know won't hurt us I guess), no mug shots, and no taking the Lord's name in vain.)
~ I would LOVE it if you were on the cheerleading squad or dance team.
~ I would equally LOVE it if you were the star (or at least a member) of some type of sport. Mainly because I NEVER was! (volleyball, basketball, track, golf, soccer, softball, ect..)
~ I want you to love to read.
~I want you to excel in school, but I will NEVER expect perfection.
~ I want you to help me cook and bake.
~I want you to love to shop, get your nails done, and accessorize!
~I want your faith in God to be visible to others.
~ I want you to have good friends who Dad and I trust, like, and approve of.
~ I want to be able to experiment with your hair.
~ I want you to never know a day when your ears were not pierced.
~I want to always be your mom first and your friend last.
~I want you to know that I will NEVER care how popular you are. Ever.
~ I want you to love sweets (like ice cream and cheese cake) like I do.
~I want you to go to prom...whether you have a date or not.
~ I want you to believe in Santa until...... forever.
~ I want you to look up to your brother, love him, respect him, and always be there for him.
~ I want you to always be a honest person and know that there is never anything you can't tell Dad and I.
~ I want you to love carrying purses, wearing high heels, and playing dress up!
~ I want you to always strive to make your dad and I proud.
Bottom line, baby, I want you to live an incredibly happy life and I promise to help you full fill all your dreams! (or at least try my VERY best!)
At this point in time (July 4th, 2012) you should be here in a few weeks. I am so ready for you! Your kitty cat suitcase is all packed and I am working on getting my bags packed. Nonnie and Grandma and grandpa are "on call" and will be here as soon as they know you are ready to be born!
Leo doesn't really understand what's about to happen or realize that his world is about to get turned upside down. He is currently 16 months old and is totally focused on giving up his bottle, controlling his temper, and playing with bubbles and reading books. He will come around..... I do think it's cool that he will never know what it's like to not have you around.
So for now, I (we) will just wait on you, sweetie. Whenever you are ready, we will be here to welcome you! I love you more than you will ever know and you will forever and ever be our little girl!
Love, Mommy
Do you realize what a gift you are to Daddy and I? YOU ARE A GIRL!! WOW! We never thought that would happen! You are soon to be born into a family (on the Rolfes side) with a lot of boys...all boys to be exact. You have a lot of responsibility on your hands! Feel free to teach these boys a thing or two about being a girl! I know that you will fit right in!!
When Mommy found out that you were a beating heart inside my tummy, I was terrified! I'm not going to lie to you, baby. I was shocked, scared, and didn't know what to do! Of course, your daddy played it "so cool" and just smiled at me with that knock-out smile of his. I cried. and cried. and cried. Not because I didn't want you, but because emotionally, mentally, and physically I wasn't quite ready for you just yet. But, God has His own plan, and He was ready for you, so I had 9 months to get used to the idea!
It took me a few months.....if you want me to be honest..... to fully accept that you were real. I still feel the need to be pinch or woken up! You are a dream come true, baby!
When we went to the Dr to find out if you were a GIRL or BOY I was so excited! I secretly was hopin, wishin', and prayin' that you were a little girl...... but I didn't want to get my hopes up too much. A little boy would have been fine. Honestly, it would have. (if you were a boy, your name would have been Tate William.) We adore your brother and would have welcomed another baby boy into the family with open arms! But, deep down..... a little girl was what my heart was aching for.
When I heard the nurse say, "I see a little girl", my hands immediately went up to my mouth in total shock! NO WAY!!! Seriously?!?!?! Ohmygoodness...... really?!?! For real?!?! Ohmy!!!!! A girl!!!!!
As soon as I knew you were a girl, I went shopping for the perfect bedroom for a princess!! I found some bedding that I loved and Nonnie bought it for you! Grandpa painted your room pink (or course) and I loved seeing him covered in pink paint!! You are going to sleep in your brothers old bed and use his old changing table and rocking chair! I hope you love it as much as he did! Aunt Jilly and Mommy put a lot of little touches on your bedroom. We hand-painted canvas's that matched the flowers in your blanket. We also painted little wooden butterflies that Aunt Jilly found at the thrift store and hung them on the wall. Jilly also found some candle holders that we hung up and we both painted the letters of your name (bright red!) and put them above your crib! Mommy's first baby blanket and rocking chair are in your room, along with one of my first baby dolls! Your closet if fully stocked with adorable dresses and your dresser drawers are over flowing with girly sleepers and onesies!! We are so ready to welcome you, sweetheart!!
You have been full of surprises, little girl, from day one! Starting with the intital shock that you were growing inside mommy, then finding out you were a GIRL, then finding out that my pregnancy was not going as smoothly as your brothers. A few concerns came up (my cervix was short....not that I expect you to understand what that is... google it when you are older) and I had to start seeing a specialist. To make a long story short, I had to have a little surgery (a cerclage..... again, google it) and then was put on bed rest. That was tough.... but it all was worth it when (after a few weeks) things with my cervix looked better and more normal and we all could breath a sign of relief.
I already have so many hopes and dreams for you, Cece. But, please don't feel pressured to accomplish all (if any) of these things! I know that you are your own person, with your own mind, and as you grow older you will form your own hopes and dreams..... but for now, just let Mom wish, ok?
~I want you to be come a professional ballerina and preform (one day) in a Broadway show. (Perferably "Cats", "Chicago", or "Rent")
~I want you to be sweet, cute, and polite your entire life! (which means: no swearing, no rolling your eyes, no sucking your teeth, no bare midriff's, no back-talk or sass, no piercings, no tattoos (at least where Dad and I can see.... what we don't know won't hurt us I guess), no mug shots, and no taking the Lord's name in vain.)
~ I would LOVE it if you were on the cheerleading squad or dance team.
~ I would equally LOVE it if you were the star (or at least a member) of some type of sport. Mainly because I NEVER was! (volleyball, basketball, track, golf, soccer, softball, ect..)
~ I want you to love to read.
~I want you to excel in school, but I will NEVER expect perfection.
~ I want you to help me cook and bake.
~I want you to love to shop, get your nails done, and accessorize!
~I want your faith in God to be visible to others.
~ I want you to have good friends who Dad and I trust, like, and approve of.
~ I want to be able to experiment with your hair.
~ I want you to never know a day when your ears were not pierced.
~I want to always be your mom first and your friend last.
~I want you to know that I will NEVER care how popular you are. Ever.
~ I want you to love sweets (like ice cream and cheese cake) like I do.
~I want you to go to prom...whether you have a date or not.
~ I want you to believe in Santa until...... forever.
~ I want you to look up to your brother, love him, respect him, and always be there for him.
~ I want you to always be a honest person and know that there is never anything you can't tell Dad and I.
~ I want you to love carrying purses, wearing high heels, and playing dress up!
~ I want you to always strive to make your dad and I proud.
Bottom line, baby, I want you to live an incredibly happy life and I promise to help you full fill all your dreams! (or at least try my VERY best!)
At this point in time (July 4th, 2012) you should be here in a few weeks. I am so ready for you! Your kitty cat suitcase is all packed and I am working on getting my bags packed. Nonnie and Grandma and grandpa are "on call" and will be here as soon as they know you are ready to be born!
Leo doesn't really understand what's about to happen or realize that his world is about to get turned upside down. He is currently 16 months old and is totally focused on giving up his bottle, controlling his temper, and playing with bubbles and reading books. He will come around..... I do think it's cool that he will never know what it's like to not have you around.
So for now, I (we) will just wait on you, sweetie. Whenever you are ready, we will be here to welcome you! I love you more than you will ever know and you will forever and ever be our little girl!
Love, Mommy
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Simplify Life. (By: Lindsey)
Summer is here and I'm in love with my husband and summer, equally. At least, I wrote him first. I love the fact that I don't even know what day it is sometimes. I love that each morning starts whenever my precious girl wakes up. I love that our days consist of walks, parks, pools, shows, "playing", coloring, reading books, and errands. I love that my husband is here most days. I love that if something doesn't get done, it will the next day. All in all, I'm in love with the time and sense of peace summer provides.
Pure Bliss.
But what I really want to share is how this time has allowed me to find ways to simplify my life. I call it that, others will call it nesting:) Either way, my life is more efficient and simplified. I figure things are about to get hectic any day now when little Coy decides to enter this world, so time to get it together.
 |
| Click here for the link. |
First, let me tell you about DROPBOX. It's logo is simplify your life. And it does just that. Think of it as a big box in which you can put anything in, organize, and share in a timely fashion. Videos, pdfs, documents, links, photos, you name it, drop in the box (of course in the folder of your choice) and you have access anywhere, anytime. So when my opportunity to job share was finalized, I immediately downloaded this onto my computer so that my co-teacher and I have a shared place for our work. I have control over which folders in my "box" to share with her. For example, we have a folder for next year titled 6th grade IELA in which we can both access, share, and work on together. It automatically updates after someone opens. My pictures from school are all in a folder titled Photos. I have access to this on any computer because it's web based. It's truly genius and allows for effortless collaboration and access from anywhere, even my mobile device. UHH- MAZING.
Delicious has the slogan, discover yourself. It is used to collect, track, organize, and bookmark the sites navigated on the Internet. Let's face it, we all navigate and then fall in love with websites, blogs, and information that we want to get back too. Naturally, most of us bookmark them. Well, that's what I do and I was beginning to have a million tabs in my bookmark browser of my personal computer, that I did not have access to on other computers. Then I came across DELICIOUS. I'll never understand the name, but I decided to look past that fact and utilize it for its quality features. More so, my husband is getting a new computer and ipad for the new job which means I inherit leftovers. Completely okay with this, except, how in the world was I going to transfer my favorites from my bookmark bar. Delicious, like dropbox, is web based, can be accessed anywhere there's an Internet connection. Join, create stacks with your favorite links. For example, I have a stack called Shopping/Fashion, all my links in my bookmarks bar that I quickly access are in one location. So when it's time to shop, I go to delicious find my shopping stack and have access to all my favorite links. Another example, all my friends and families blogs I follow are in one central location under a stack I titled Followed Blogs. So when I want to read or catch up, I just go to my stack. This is the basics, it's format is similar to Pinterest, I still have tons more to learn, but rest assured all my bookmarks tabs are organized and linked up so I will have access from my inherited devices. I'm no longer dependent on my personal computers. It's all in the cloud, so to speak.
 Click here for link As an IELA teacher, I felt that I need to get up to date with latest and best books, authors, and reviews. This is place where I can plan what books I want to read. Like all the others, it's free to join and accessible anywhere, anytime. Recommendations, reviews, and best sellers are easily noted in your account, it's like having your own bookshelf full of books just waiting for you to grab and read, only it's digital. That's pretty great. Now, I just need my Kindle to go with my Amazon Prime account. I'm pretty sure this is a gift I might be receiving in the near future:) Wonder if my husband is reading this? HA! As a domestic wife and fantastic cook, (NOT- Who am I kidding?) This website is fantastic in providing me with the appropriate tools and resources so that I might be well on my way to becoming "better" in the kitchen, but most importantly it allows me to organize my meals, plan ahead, and incorporate variety into our healthy eating habits. Like everything else it's web based which means access anytime, anywhere. I'm seeing a trend! Anyone else? I love that I'm never confined to my computer. Join for free, drag and drop recipes into your recipe box, use the menu feature to create weekly menus which then lead to grocery shopping lists. The very best part is after doing all this on the computer, the APP immediately uploads the weekly grocery list, organizing items my aisle of grocery store. UNBELIEVABLY COOL and life changing. Now if only I could get my coupons aligned with my meals or vice versa. That's a future goal.
Lastly, there is PINTEREST. I'm pretty sure many of you have heard of this. It's used by 87% woman and is multiple bulletin boards pinned with favorite items in a digital manner. Inspiring, insightful, creative and user -friendly describe this web-based resource. In my next blog, I can't wait to share with you all the items I've experimented or tried because of PINTEREST. More to come, for sure. Until then, check out these resources and learn of quick ways to really simplify your life. You can go ahead and thank me now:)
|
Friday, June 15, 2012
Fit to be Tied. (by: Jess)
So after much thought and consideration, Toby and I have made a decision.
The day after Ceceilia Grace makes her appearance, I am going to have a tubal ligation. (my tubes tied)
It's weird to think that "we are done having kids". But, we are. And I'm totally OK with that.
I can honestly say that if Cece had a wee-wee, we would have tried for a third bundle of joy, hoping for a girl. But since she is a she, I don't feel the need to try anymore. God gave me a boy and a girl. The best of both worlds. I am so thankful.
I'm a little sad to think that this will be the last time I will experience being pregnant. The last time I was prepare for a new baby. The last time I will go through childbirth. The last time I can have ice cream for breakfast and it is totally OK. The last time I will ever sit and daydream about a new baby and all the excitement that entails. The last time I will have a baby shower. The last time that I can use the excuse "I'm pregnant" for everything. The last time I will experience the excitement of finding out boy or girl. The last time I design a nursery. The last time I make birth announcements. The last time I will get excited about 2 pink lines!
Sometimes I think, "am I too young for all that to stop? Am I ready for it all to be over? "
I really don't know. Probably not.
But this is what I DO know.....
Toby and I are not millionaire's. He works in sales and I teach. I want to be able to comfortably support my family. I want to be able to give them GREAT Christmas's and birthday parties and take awesome vacations and go to Disney World (more than once) and have them involved in activities and send them to college and get them (used) cars and give them an allowance! I want Leo to love golf and I want to take Cece shopping for THE BEST prom dress! I want to give Cece a stunning wedding some day!
I don't want to be stretched too thin....physically, mentally, financially, or emotionally. I want to enjoy their childhoods and spend time documenting them growing up by making memory books, creating videos, and keeping up my blog. I want to create memories for all of us. I also still want to spend time alone with my husband and take romantic trips with him! I want to continue friendships with my friends and have girls nights. I want to continue to succeed at my job as a teacher and put effort, time, dedication, and passion into it.
I think Toby and I will be able to do all of that.....if we keep it at 2 children.
We can't financially support more than that. And that wouldn't be fair to them. And that's reality to us.
I (personally) can say, with 100% honesty, that I am not cut out to be a mom of more than 2. I'm just not and I'm totally OK with that. If I had 3 or 4 (or more) children, I feel like I would be burnt out, not a very good wife, broke, a basket case, anti-social, exhausted, and on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Shake your head all you want and judge away, but that's the truth. I bow down to women (and men) who have big families. I am in awe of you! You do it all and you do it well! Bravo! My hat is off....
I have always wanted a big family. 3 or 4 kid-o's sounds great to me! But, it's not realistic for us. I can't be selfish and make us all pay the price. I want to be able to enjoy our kids and give them the things they want and deserve. I don't want money to be too tight for the rest of our lives and have to pinch pennies just to be able to provide the basics for our family.
If Toby and I made more money, then we probably would have more children.....and spoil them rotten. It's crazy how money decides a lot......
But I like the thought of spoiling the 2 we have now!
In the long run, we are making this decision for Leo and Cece. It's not really about me or Toby. It's about them.... and it always will be!
The day after Ceceilia Grace makes her appearance, I am going to have a tubal ligation. (my tubes tied)
It's weird to think that "we are done having kids". But, we are. And I'm totally OK with that.
I can honestly say that if Cece had a wee-wee, we would have tried for a third bundle of joy, hoping for a girl. But since she is a she, I don't feel the need to try anymore. God gave me a boy and a girl. The best of both worlds. I am so thankful.
I'm a little sad to think that this will be the last time I will experience being pregnant. The last time I was prepare for a new baby. The last time I will go through childbirth. The last time I can have ice cream for breakfast and it is totally OK. The last time I will ever sit and daydream about a new baby and all the excitement that entails. The last time I will have a baby shower. The last time that I can use the excuse "I'm pregnant" for everything. The last time I will experience the excitement of finding out boy or girl. The last time I design a nursery. The last time I make birth announcements. The last time I will get excited about 2 pink lines!
Sometimes I think, "am I too young for all that to stop? Am I ready for it all to be over? "
I really don't know. Probably not.
But this is what I DO know.....
Toby and I are not millionaire's. He works in sales and I teach. I want to be able to comfortably support my family. I want to be able to give them GREAT Christmas's and birthday parties and take awesome vacations and go to Disney World (more than once) and have them involved in activities and send them to college and get them (used) cars and give them an allowance! I want Leo to love golf and I want to take Cece shopping for THE BEST prom dress! I want to give Cece a stunning wedding some day!
I don't want to be stretched too thin....physically, mentally, financially, or emotionally. I want to enjoy their childhoods and spend time documenting them growing up by making memory books, creating videos, and keeping up my blog. I want to create memories for all of us. I also still want to spend time alone with my husband and take romantic trips with him! I want to continue friendships with my friends and have girls nights. I want to continue to succeed at my job as a teacher and put effort, time, dedication, and passion into it.
I think Toby and I will be able to do all of that.....if we keep it at 2 children.
We can't financially support more than that. And that wouldn't be fair to them. And that's reality to us.
I (personally) can say, with 100% honesty, that I am not cut out to be a mom of more than 2. I'm just not and I'm totally OK with that. If I had 3 or 4 (or more) children, I feel like I would be burnt out, not a very good wife, broke, a basket case, anti-social, exhausted, and on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Shake your head all you want and judge away, but that's the truth. I bow down to women (and men) who have big families. I am in awe of you! You do it all and you do it well! Bravo! My hat is off....
I have always wanted a big family. 3 or 4 kid-o's sounds great to me! But, it's not realistic for us. I can't be selfish and make us all pay the price. I want to be able to enjoy our kids and give them the things they want and deserve. I don't want money to be too tight for the rest of our lives and have to pinch pennies just to be able to provide the basics for our family.
If Toby and I made more money, then we probably would have more children.....and spoil them rotten. It's crazy how money decides a lot......
But I like the thought of spoiling the 2 we have now!
In the long run, we are making this decision for Leo and Cece. It's not really about me or Toby. It's about them.... and it always will be!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Leo's Birth Story (By: Jess)
Since it's am getting close to Cece's birthday, I have been thinking a lot about when Leo was born. It occurred to me that I never documented it. I want to remember it and I want Leo to know about how he entered the world! So here it is....
My last day of work was on a Friday, and my water broke on Monday! Talk about perfect timing! Ok... let me back up a bit.....
It was Monday, March 21st. Beautiful day! My next door neighbor and friend, Jennifer, had asked me to ride along with her to run some errands. She had just had her baby, Jackson, about 2 weeks ago. She needed to drop something off at the hospital and wanted me to sit in the car with baby Jackson while she ran in and dropped it off. No problem! I remember Jenn leaving me in the car with Jackson and I prayed that he wouldn't start crying!! She was only gone for about 19 seconds, and of course, Jackson started fussing! I didn't know what to do!! I paniced! I was going to have one of my own in a few weeks and I had no idea what to do! THANK GOD Jenn came back to the car, cause I was about to call 911, or my mom, or someone!
After the errand at the hospital was complete, we drove through Subway to get some lunch. We brought it back to Jenn's house to eat and then I went home. (walked across the driveway)
It was about 3pm by this time and I was making my way upstairs to our bedroom. I don't know what I was going to do, but I THINK I was going to throw in some laundry. Being 38 weeks pregnant, I had to pee first. So I did. Once I stood up, I walked over the sink to wash up and noticed I was still peeing! Ohmygosh, what am I doing?!?! Gross! I just peed on myself! I waddled over to the toilet to pee some more and suddenly wondered something........ is that ME doing this? I don't think so. I focused a little harder and came to the conclusion that I wasn't peeing...... this "liquid" was coming out on it's own and I had no control over it. I remember saying out loud..... "ooooooookay".
I didn't immediately call the Dr or Toby. I texted my BFF, Laura, who is a nurse and asked her a few questions.
While I was waiting for her response, still "dripping", something else happened.
**WARNING** **WARNING** DUE TO GRAPHIC CONTENT, VIEW DISCRETION IS ADVISED**
When I went to wipe, there was more than water on the toilet paper. It looked like a huge snot rocket. I said (out loud again..... obviously I was talking to Gertie who was sitting right next to me) "ummm..... ok."
Laura finally responded and asked me to smell the liquid. She said it is was "my water" then it would have a distinct smell.
I did and came to the conclusion that is defiantly wasn't pee. Then I told her about the snot rocket, to which she replied was my mucus plug.
By this time I decided to call the Dr.
I was extremely calm, cause that is my nature, and told the Dr. everything that had happened. He, being equally as calm, told me to to lie down, wait an hour, and if I was still dripping, to go to the hospital.
I hung up, cleaned up, put on a pad, and Gertie and I went to lay down on the bed and watched a little of the "Ellen" show.
This is when I called Toby.
"Hello?" (why do people answer their cell phone like they don't know who's calling?? It clearly says on Toby's cell phone, "Call from Jessica". That always confuses me...)
anyway... moving on...
"hi!"
"Hi"
"So, funny thing..... I went to run an errand with Jenn, we went to the hospital to drop off some stuff then we went to subway, and Jackson is so sweet, and anyway..... when I came up stairs I had to pee, so I did, then I kinda kept peeing, and it was weird, and I didn't know what to think, like, I didn't know if it was me doing it or not me, ya know? Anyway, so then I txted Laura and asked her what she thought, then my mucus plug came out, then I......
"GET TO THE POINT!!!!"
"My water broke and I called the Dr. and he told us to go to hospital in an hour if I don't stop leaking."
"Ok..... I'll be home soon"
"If I'm still leaking by 5pm we will go."
"Ok."
"Ok. Bye"
"Bye"
Toby came home, I was still leaking, so we loaded up the car and left.
It was so weird. We were both so calm.
We got there, and I was starting to get uncomfortable. My back started aching and I had some mild cramps. Not SCREAMING IN PAIN, just annoying. And I was still leaking and the pantyliner I put on was totally useless at this point.
They checked us into a room, I got changed into the adorable paper gown, and they tested the fluid to see if it ambiotic fluid.
Yep, it was. (thank God, cause if it was urine I would have been sooooo embarrassed!)
Seriously, from there, things just started happening.
I told Toby that I wanted to know what a contraction felt like before I got an epidural.
3 contractions later, I got "the juice".
*For anyone who is curious as to what a contraction feels like, the best way I can describe it (for me) was like getting a charlie horse in your stomach.*
The epidural was a breeze. I'm not gonna lie, I was nervous about this part, but it was very similar to a bee sting. Seriously. No biggie.
As soon as the juice hit me, my legs felt like tree trunks. Warm and very heavy. Weird feeling.
I got my epidural at 9pm and Leo was born around 1pm the next day.
The waiting was the hardest part. I slept a lot and got very bored! My mind was running a million miles a minute. Toby and I talked and laughed. I tend to get very witty in situations that make me nervous, so I remember Toby and I making a small agreement. I was really, really, REALLY nervous about "breaking wind" in front of anyone. Everything from my belly button down was totally numb and I had no control. I was really stressin out about it. I told Toby that if it happened (me "letting one loose") then he had to PROMISE me that he would "let one loose" too so I wouldn't feel so embarrassed. I begged him. I was dead serious. He was totally aware of my fear of "cuttin' one" in the delivery room, so he just smiled at me and said "sure babe. Whatever you want." I felt so much better. If I was gooing down in flames, I was draggin him with me!
Expect when the time came. And it happened. I let out a little squeak that came outta nowhere! My eyes about bugged outta my head and I stopped breathing for a minute. I was mortified. And I looked at him and was like, "well, come on, you PROMISED me....." and he just laughed and held my hand.
He abandoned me. Left me stranded in my own embarrassment. Left me to fend for myself. I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide.
I just stared back at him, mouth gaping open, eyes wide in disbelief of his betrayal, and thought to myself, "trader".
I think it was a few more hours after that when I had to start pushing. The nurse kept trying to get me motivated for the pushing, like I was getting ready to run a marathon or getting ready to fight Rocky in the ring. We all know that I am NOT an athlete, so her pep talks were terrifying me.
I was getting so anxious and scared of failure that my bottom lip started to quiver and my eyes started to water.
Toby sensed my fear and just looked at me with his beautiful Rolfes eyes and held my hand.
Then told me to "suck it up".
So I did.
They got all set up and the nurse took her position on the left side of me and Toby on the right and the race began!
Push 1
break
Push 2
break
Me asking the nurse if I "was doing it right? I couldn't feel anything. Am I even pushing?"
Push 3
Dr. Hoffman telling the nurse that my dad was a doctor and he better do everything right! (he was trying to be funny, but that comment of course made me think of Dad and made me tear up again, and I thought "this is not the time to go strolling down memory lane.....")
Push 4
LEO BECK! He's here.
Instant tears from Mom and Dad. I held and kissed him and didn't even care that he was covered in goo!
They took him and cleaned him off, and as I turned my head to look at him, I saw it. The spitting image of my Dad. It was amazing. (*note* I don't think he looks anything like my dad now, but at that first moment, he definatly did!)
I was totally shocked at how easy and painless the entire labor and delivery process was. For me anyway. I know that everyone experiences it differently. Compared to what I have seen on reality TV and movies, my experiences was very laid back. No SCREAMING, intense sweating, cursing at Toby, blood everywhere, people yelling. None of that. The only loud sounds were the sounds of a baby cry.
While they were tending to Leo, I just starred at him in awe and ordered Toby to "go take pictures".
Then it hit me.
The pain.
Horrible. I thought I was in the clear at this point, but as soon as the epidural wore off, WOW! It hit me like a ton of bricks and I tried to be strong, but the tears started coming. I apologized over and over to the nurse for crying, and she was so sweet. She immediately went and got me some pain medication that lasted an entire 10 minutes.
Basically the pain I was experiencing was extreme lower back pain ( I was sitting in a "weird" position for so long during my labor) and a level 3 episiotomy. Girl was hurtin.
It got so bad at home point that the Dr thought some of my stitches on the inside had ruptured. So "in he went" to check it out, without any warning, and I almost threw up. The pain took my breath away and all I could do was cover my face with my hands and grit my teeth, as tears streamed down my face. Bless Toby's heart. I know it was hard to see me like that. The tears swelling up in his eyes told me that he wished it was him going through this pain instead of me. ( I know for a fact he would have died. Men can't take pain like women. It's a fact.) He just stood by my side, kissed my cheek, and told me it was gonna be alright. Love that man.
After all THAT drama, they gave me some IV pain medication that helped and all was well in the world.
A favorite moment of mine was holding and snuggling with my new baby boy as they wheeled my bed to the "mom/baby" floor of the hospital. I just held him, smelled him, and kissed his tiny face. He was mine and I couldn't have been prouder.
We got settled in to our new room with Leo and after that, things are kinda a blur. Here are some bits and pieces of memories I have of the next couple days.
~The nurse made me get up and walk into the bathroom and attempt to pee. I almost threw up again and cried some more. YEOWCH!
~My in-laws and mom showed up after a long 8 hr drive.
~ My father-in-law kissing me on the forehead with tears in his eyes
~My mom buying me flowers
~Taking 3,492 pictures
~Attempting to breastfeed and failing.......and not caring. I wanted to do whatever Leo wanted, and he obviously wanted a bottle. Whatever you want, baby.
~Toby and I taking turns throughout the night to tend to our baby.
~The nurse taking Leo in the middle of the night and bringing him back to me, telling me he had a wet and dirty diaper and she changed it. My first moment of guilt. (the first of millions...)
And then we went home.
I was so ready to get Leo home to his house. I couldn't wait for him to meet his sister, Gertie, and see his bedroom I had spend so many hours on. I remember the day was so beautiful! Sunny and warm! The ride home seemed forever and I remember feeling so lost as Toby drove us home. I remember thinking, "where are we?!?!" We got home and walked through our door (to a SPOTLESS house thanks to my mom and mother-in-law) and my smile couldn't have been more fake. This place didn't feel like our house. It didn't feel like home. I was terrified. I immediately went upstairs so everyone wouldn't see me cry. (post pardum at it's best!) As I walked into our bedroom I was greeted with a beautiful baby bassinet. I remember saying "awe" out loud and going over to look at it up-close! Toby came up behind me and put his arms around me and we both stood there and cried. We were both happy, scared, unsure, and nervous...... and I knew right them that things were going to be OK. And they were. And still are.
My last day of work was on a Friday, and my water broke on Monday! Talk about perfect timing! Ok... let me back up a bit.....
It was Monday, March 21st. Beautiful day! My next door neighbor and friend, Jennifer, had asked me to ride along with her to run some errands. She had just had her baby, Jackson, about 2 weeks ago. She needed to drop something off at the hospital and wanted me to sit in the car with baby Jackson while she ran in and dropped it off. No problem! I remember Jenn leaving me in the car with Jackson and I prayed that he wouldn't start crying!! She was only gone for about 19 seconds, and of course, Jackson started fussing! I didn't know what to do!! I paniced! I was going to have one of my own in a few weeks and I had no idea what to do! THANK GOD Jenn came back to the car, cause I was about to call 911, or my mom, or someone!
After the errand at the hospital was complete, we drove through Subway to get some lunch. We brought it back to Jenn's house to eat and then I went home. (walked across the driveway)
It was about 3pm by this time and I was making my way upstairs to our bedroom. I don't know what I was going to do, but I THINK I was going to throw in some laundry. Being 38 weeks pregnant, I had to pee first. So I did. Once I stood up, I walked over the sink to wash up and noticed I was still peeing! Ohmygosh, what am I doing?!?! Gross! I just peed on myself! I waddled over to the toilet to pee some more and suddenly wondered something........ is that ME doing this? I don't think so. I focused a little harder and came to the conclusion that I wasn't peeing...... this "liquid" was coming out on it's own and I had no control over it. I remember saying out loud..... "ooooooookay".
I didn't immediately call the Dr or Toby. I texted my BFF, Laura, who is a nurse and asked her a few questions.
While I was waiting for her response, still "dripping", something else happened.
**WARNING** **WARNING** DUE TO GRAPHIC CONTENT, VIEW DISCRETION IS ADVISED**
When I went to wipe, there was more than water on the toilet paper. It looked like a huge snot rocket. I said (out loud again..... obviously I was talking to Gertie who was sitting right next to me) "ummm..... ok."
Laura finally responded and asked me to smell the liquid. She said it is was "my water" then it would have a distinct smell.
I did and came to the conclusion that is defiantly wasn't pee. Then I told her about the snot rocket, to which she replied was my mucus plug.
By this time I decided to call the Dr.
I was extremely calm, cause that is my nature, and told the Dr. everything that had happened. He, being equally as calm, told me to to lie down, wait an hour, and if I was still dripping, to go to the hospital.
I hung up, cleaned up, put on a pad, and Gertie and I went to lay down on the bed and watched a little of the "Ellen" show.
This is when I called Toby.
"Hello?" (why do people answer their cell phone like they don't know who's calling?? It clearly says on Toby's cell phone, "Call from Jessica". That always confuses me...)
anyway... moving on...
"hi!"
"Hi"
"So, funny thing..... I went to run an errand with Jenn, we went to the hospital to drop off some stuff then we went to subway, and Jackson is so sweet, and anyway..... when I came up stairs I had to pee, so I did, then I kinda kept peeing, and it was weird, and I didn't know what to think, like, I didn't know if it was me doing it or not me, ya know? Anyway, so then I txted Laura and asked her what she thought, then my mucus plug came out, then I......
"GET TO THE POINT!!!!"
"My water broke and I called the Dr. and he told us to go to hospital in an hour if I don't stop leaking."
"Ok..... I'll be home soon"
"If I'm still leaking by 5pm we will go."
"Ok."
"Ok. Bye"
"Bye"
Toby came home, I was still leaking, so we loaded up the car and left.
It was so weird. We were both so calm.
We got there, and I was starting to get uncomfortable. My back started aching and I had some mild cramps. Not SCREAMING IN PAIN, just annoying. And I was still leaking and the pantyliner I put on was totally useless at this point.
They checked us into a room, I got changed into the adorable paper gown, and they tested the fluid to see if it ambiotic fluid.
Yep, it was. (thank God, cause if it was urine I would have been sooooo embarrassed!)
Seriously, from there, things just started happening.
I told Toby that I wanted to know what a contraction felt like before I got an epidural.
3 contractions later, I got "the juice".
*For anyone who is curious as to what a contraction feels like, the best way I can describe it (for me) was like getting a charlie horse in your stomach.*
The epidural was a breeze. I'm not gonna lie, I was nervous about this part, but it was very similar to a bee sting. Seriously. No biggie.
As soon as the juice hit me, my legs felt like tree trunks. Warm and very heavy. Weird feeling.
I got my epidural at 9pm and Leo was born around 1pm the next day.
The waiting was the hardest part. I slept a lot and got very bored! My mind was running a million miles a minute. Toby and I talked and laughed. I tend to get very witty in situations that make me nervous, so I remember Toby and I making a small agreement. I was really, really, REALLY nervous about "breaking wind" in front of anyone. Everything from my belly button down was totally numb and I had no control. I was really stressin out about it. I told Toby that if it happened (me "letting one loose") then he had to PROMISE me that he would "let one loose" too so I wouldn't feel so embarrassed. I begged him. I was dead serious. He was totally aware of my fear of "cuttin' one" in the delivery room, so he just smiled at me and said "sure babe. Whatever you want." I felt so much better. If I was gooing down in flames, I was draggin him with me!
Expect when the time came. And it happened. I let out a little squeak that came outta nowhere! My eyes about bugged outta my head and I stopped breathing for a minute. I was mortified. And I looked at him and was like, "well, come on, you PROMISED me....." and he just laughed and held my hand.
He abandoned me. Left me stranded in my own embarrassment. Left me to fend for myself. I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide.
I just stared back at him, mouth gaping open, eyes wide in disbelief of his betrayal, and thought to myself, "trader".
I think it was a few more hours after that when I had to start pushing. The nurse kept trying to get me motivated for the pushing, like I was getting ready to run a marathon or getting ready to fight Rocky in the ring. We all know that I am NOT an athlete, so her pep talks were terrifying me.
I was getting so anxious and scared of failure that my bottom lip started to quiver and my eyes started to water.
Toby sensed my fear and just looked at me with his beautiful Rolfes eyes and held my hand.
Then told me to "suck it up".
So I did.
They got all set up and the nurse took her position on the left side of me and Toby on the right and the race began!
Push 1
break
Push 2
break
Me asking the nurse if I "was doing it right? I couldn't feel anything. Am I even pushing?"
Push 3
Dr. Hoffman telling the nurse that my dad was a doctor and he better do everything right! (he was trying to be funny, but that comment of course made me think of Dad and made me tear up again, and I thought "this is not the time to go strolling down memory lane.....")
Push 4
LEO BECK! He's here.
Instant tears from Mom and Dad. I held and kissed him and didn't even care that he was covered in goo!
They took him and cleaned him off, and as I turned my head to look at him, I saw it. The spitting image of my Dad. It was amazing. (*note* I don't think he looks anything like my dad now, but at that first moment, he definatly did!)
I was totally shocked at how easy and painless the entire labor and delivery process was. For me anyway. I know that everyone experiences it differently. Compared to what I have seen on reality TV and movies, my experiences was very laid back. No SCREAMING, intense sweating, cursing at Toby, blood everywhere, people yelling. None of that. The only loud sounds were the sounds of a baby cry.
While they were tending to Leo, I just starred at him in awe and ordered Toby to "go take pictures".
Then it hit me.
The pain.
Horrible. I thought I was in the clear at this point, but as soon as the epidural wore off, WOW! It hit me like a ton of bricks and I tried to be strong, but the tears started coming. I apologized over and over to the nurse for crying, and she was so sweet. She immediately went and got me some pain medication that lasted an entire 10 minutes.
Basically the pain I was experiencing was extreme lower back pain ( I was sitting in a "weird" position for so long during my labor) and a level 3 episiotomy. Girl was hurtin.
It got so bad at home point that the Dr thought some of my stitches on the inside had ruptured. So "in he went" to check it out, without any warning, and I almost threw up. The pain took my breath away and all I could do was cover my face with my hands and grit my teeth, as tears streamed down my face. Bless Toby's heart. I know it was hard to see me like that. The tears swelling up in his eyes told me that he wished it was him going through this pain instead of me. ( I know for a fact he would have died. Men can't take pain like women. It's a fact.) He just stood by my side, kissed my cheek, and told me it was gonna be alright. Love that man.
After all THAT drama, they gave me some IV pain medication that helped and all was well in the world.
A favorite moment of mine was holding and snuggling with my new baby boy as they wheeled my bed to the "mom/baby" floor of the hospital. I just held him, smelled him, and kissed his tiny face. He was mine and I couldn't have been prouder.
We got settled in to our new room with Leo and after that, things are kinda a blur. Here are some bits and pieces of memories I have of the next couple days.
~The nurse made me get up and walk into the bathroom and attempt to pee. I almost threw up again and cried some more. YEOWCH!
~My in-laws and mom showed up after a long 8 hr drive.
~ My father-in-law kissing me on the forehead with tears in his eyes
~My mom buying me flowers
~Taking 3,492 pictures
~Attempting to breastfeed and failing.......and not caring. I wanted to do whatever Leo wanted, and he obviously wanted a bottle. Whatever you want, baby.
~Toby and I taking turns throughout the night to tend to our baby.
~The nurse taking Leo in the middle of the night and bringing him back to me, telling me he had a wet and dirty diaper and she changed it. My first moment of guilt. (the first of millions...)
And then we went home.
I was so ready to get Leo home to his house. I couldn't wait for him to meet his sister, Gertie, and see his bedroom I had spend so many hours on. I remember the day was so beautiful! Sunny and warm! The ride home seemed forever and I remember feeling so lost as Toby drove us home. I remember thinking, "where are we?!?!" We got home and walked through our door (to a SPOTLESS house thanks to my mom and mother-in-law) and my smile couldn't have been more fake. This place didn't feel like our house. It didn't feel like home. I was terrified. I immediately went upstairs so everyone wouldn't see me cry. (post pardum at it's best!) As I walked into our bedroom I was greeted with a beautiful baby bassinet. I remember saying "awe" out loud and going over to look at it up-close! Toby came up behind me and put his arms around me and we both stood there and cried. We were both happy, scared, unsure, and nervous...... and I knew right them that things were going to be OK. And they were. And still are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)