Fit to be Tied. (by: Jess)

So after much thought and consideration, Toby and I have made a decision.

The day after Ceceilia Grace makes her appearance, I am going to have a tubal ligation. (my tubes tied)

It's weird to think that "we are done having kids". But, we are. And I'm totally OK with that.

I can honestly say that if Cece had a wee-wee, we would have tried for a third bundle of joy, hoping for a girl. But since she is a she, I don't feel the need to try anymore. God gave me a boy and a girl. The best of both worlds. I am so thankful.

I'm a little sad to think that this will be the last time I will experience being pregnant. The last time I was prepare for a new baby. The last time I will go through childbirth. The last time I can have ice cream for breakfast and it is totally OK. The last time I will ever sit and daydream about a new baby and all the excitement that entails. The last time I will have a baby shower. The last time that I can use the excuse "I'm pregnant" for everything. The last time I will experience the excitement of finding out boy or girl. The last time I design a nursery. The last time I make birth announcements. The last time I will get excited about 2 pink lines!

Sometimes I think, "am I too young for all that to stop? Am I ready for it all to be over? "

I really don't know. Probably not.

But this is what I DO know.....

Toby and I are not millionaire's. He works in sales and I teach. I want to be able to comfortably support my family. I want to be able to give them GREAT Christmas's and birthday parties and take awesome vacations and go to Disney World (more than once) and have them involved in activities and send them to college and get them (used) cars and give them an allowance! I want Leo to love golf and I want to take Cece shopping for THE BEST prom dress! I want to give Cece a stunning wedding some day!

 I don't want to be stretched too thin....physically, mentally, financially, or emotionally. I want to enjoy their childhoods and spend time documenting them growing up by making memory books, creating videos, and keeping up my blog. I want to create memories for all of us. I also still want to spend time alone with my husband and take romantic trips with him! I want to continue friendships with my friends and have girls nights. I want to continue to succeed at my job as a teacher and put effort, time, dedication, and passion into it.

I think Toby and I will be able to do all of that.....if we keep it at 2 children.

We can't financially support more than that. And that wouldn't be fair to them. And that's reality to us.
I (personally) can say, with 100% honesty, that I am not cut out to be a mom of more than 2. I'm just not and I'm totally OK with that. If I had 3 or 4 (or more) children, I feel like I would be burnt out, not a very good wife, broke, a basket case, anti-social, exhausted, and on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Shake your head all you want and judge away, but that's the truth. I bow down to women (and men) who have big families. I am in awe of you! You do it all and you do it well! Bravo!  My hat is off....

 I have always wanted a big family. 3 or 4 kid-o's sounds great to me! But, it's not realistic for us. I can't be selfish and make us all pay the price. I want to be able to enjoy our kids and give them the things they want and deserve. I don't want money to be too tight for the rest of our lives and have to pinch pennies just to be able to provide the basics for our family.

 If Toby and I made more money, then we probably would have more children.....and spoil them rotten. It's crazy how money decides a lot......

But I like the thought of spoiling the 2 we have now!

 In the long run, we are making this decision for Leo and Cece. It's not really about me or Toby. It's about them.... and it always will be!