Since it's am getting close to Cece's birthday, I have been thinking a lot about when Leo was born. It occurred to me that I never documented it. I want to remember it and I want Leo to know about how he entered the world! So here it is....
My last day of work was on a Friday, and my water broke on Monday! Talk about perfect timing! Ok... let me back up a bit.....
It was Monday, March 21st. Beautiful day! My next door neighbor and friend, Jennifer, had asked me to ride along with her to run some errands. She had just had her baby, Jackson, about 2 weeks ago. She needed to drop something off at the hospital and wanted me to sit in the car with baby Jackson while she ran in and dropped it off. No problem! I remember Jenn leaving me in the car with Jackson and I prayed that he wouldn't start crying!! She was only gone for about 19 seconds, and of course, Jackson started fussing! I didn't know what to do!! I paniced! I was going to have one of my own in a few weeks and I had no idea what to do! THANK GOD Jenn came back to the car, cause I was about to call 911, or my mom, or someone!
After the errand at the hospital was complete, we drove through Subway to get some lunch. We brought it back to Jenn's house to eat and then I went home. (walked across the driveway)
It was about 3pm by this time and I was making my way upstairs to our bedroom. I don't know what I was going to do, but I THINK I was going to throw in some laundry. Being 38 weeks pregnant, I had to pee first. So I did. Once I stood up, I walked over the sink to wash up and noticed I was still peeing! Ohmygosh, what am I doing?!?! Gross! I just peed on myself! I waddled over to the toilet to pee some more and suddenly wondered something........ is that ME doing this? I don't think so. I focused a little harder and came to the conclusion that I wasn't peeing...... this "liquid" was coming out on it's own and I had no control over it. I remember saying out loud..... "ooooooookay".
I didn't immediately call the Dr or Toby. I texted my BFF, Laura, who is a nurse and asked her a few questions.
While I was waiting for her response, still "dripping", something else happened.
**WARNING** **WARNING** DUE TO GRAPHIC CONTENT, VIEW DISCRETION IS ADVISED**
When I went to wipe, there was more than water on the toilet paper. It looked like a huge snot rocket. I said (out loud again..... obviously I was talking to Gertie who was sitting right next to me) "ummm..... ok."
Laura finally responded and asked me to smell the liquid. She said it is was "my water" then it would have a distinct smell.
I did and came to the conclusion that is defiantly wasn't pee. Then I told her about the snot rocket, to which she replied was my mucus plug.
By this time I decided to call the Dr.
I was extremely calm, cause that is my nature, and told the Dr. everything that had happened. He, being equally as calm, told me to to lie down, wait an hour, and if I was still dripping, to go to the hospital.
I hung up, cleaned up, put on a pad, and Gertie and I went to lay down on the bed and watched a little of the "Ellen" show.
This is when I called Toby.
"Hello?" (why do people answer their cell phone like they don't know who's calling?? It clearly says on Toby's cell phone, "Call from Jessica". That always confuses me...)
anyway... moving on...
"hi!"
"Hi"
"So, funny thing..... I went to run an errand with Jenn, we went to the hospital to drop off some stuff then we went to subway, and Jackson is so sweet, and anyway..... when I came up stairs I had to pee, so I did, then I kinda kept peeing, and it was weird, and I didn't know what to think, like, I didn't know if it was me doing it or not me, ya know? Anyway, so then I txted Laura and asked her what she thought, then my mucus plug came out, then I......
"GET TO THE POINT!!!!"
"My water broke and I called the Dr. and he told us to go to hospital in an hour if I don't stop leaking."
"Ok..... I'll be home soon"
"If I'm still leaking by 5pm we will go."
"Ok."
"Ok. Bye"
"Bye"
Toby came home, I was still leaking, so we loaded up the car and left.
It was so weird. We were both so calm.
We got there, and I was starting to get uncomfortable. My back started aching and I had some mild cramps. Not SCREAMING IN PAIN, just annoying. And I was still leaking and the pantyliner I put on was totally useless at this point.
They checked us into a room, I got changed into the adorable paper gown, and they tested the fluid to see if it ambiotic fluid.
Yep, it was. (thank God, cause if it was urine I would have been sooooo embarrassed!)
Seriously, from there, things just started happening.
I told Toby that I wanted to know what a contraction felt like before I got an epidural.
3 contractions later, I got "the juice".
*For anyone who is curious as to what a contraction feels like, the best way I can describe it (for me) was like getting a charlie horse in your stomach.*
The epidural was a breeze. I'm not gonna lie, I was nervous about this part, but it was very similar to a bee sting. Seriously. No biggie.
As soon as the juice hit me, my legs felt like tree trunks. Warm and very heavy. Weird feeling.
I got my epidural at 9pm and Leo was born around 1pm the next day.
The waiting was the hardest part. I slept a lot and got very bored! My mind was running a million miles a minute. Toby and I talked and laughed. I tend to get very witty in situations that make me nervous, so I remember Toby and I making a small agreement. I was really, really, REALLY nervous about "breaking wind" in front of anyone. Everything from my belly button down was totally numb and I had no control. I was really stressin out about it. I told Toby that if it happened (me "letting one loose") then he had to PROMISE me that he would "let one loose" too so I wouldn't feel so embarrassed. I begged him. I was dead serious. He was totally aware of my fear of "cuttin' one" in the delivery room, so he just smiled at me and said "sure babe. Whatever you want." I felt so much better. If I was gooing down in flames, I was draggin him with me!
Expect when the time came. And it happened. I let out a little squeak that came outta nowhere! My eyes about bugged outta my head and I stopped breathing for a minute. I was mortified. And I looked at him and was like, "well, come on, you PROMISED me....." and he just laughed and held my hand.
He abandoned me. Left me stranded in my own embarrassment. Left me to fend for myself. I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide.
I just stared back at him, mouth gaping open, eyes wide in disbelief of his betrayal, and thought to myself, "trader".
I think it was a few more hours after that when I had to start pushing. The nurse kept trying to get me motivated for the pushing, like I was getting ready to run a marathon or getting ready to fight Rocky in the ring. We all know that I am NOT an athlete, so her pep talks were terrifying me.
I was getting so anxious and scared of failure that my bottom lip started to quiver and my eyes started to water.
Toby sensed my fear and just looked at me with his beautiful Rolfes eyes and held my hand.
Then told me to "suck it up".
So I did.
They got all set up and the nurse took her position on the left side of me and Toby on the right and the race began!
Push 1
break
Push 2
break
Me asking the nurse if I "was doing it right? I couldn't feel anything. Am I even pushing?"
Push 3
Dr. Hoffman telling the nurse that my dad was a doctor and he better do everything right! (he was trying to be funny, but that comment of course made me think of Dad and made me tear up again, and I thought "this is not the time to go strolling down memory lane.....")
Push 4
LEO BECK! He's here.
Instant tears from Mom and Dad. I held and kissed him and didn't even care that he was covered in goo!
They took him and cleaned him off, and as I turned my head to look at him, I saw it. The spitting image of my Dad. It was amazing. (*note* I don't think he looks anything like my dad now, but at that first moment, he definatly did!)
I was totally shocked at how easy and painless the entire labor and delivery process was. For me anyway. I know that everyone experiences it differently. Compared to what I have seen on reality TV and movies, my experiences was very laid back. No SCREAMING, intense sweating, cursing at Toby, blood everywhere, people yelling. None of that. The only loud sounds were the sounds of a baby cry.
While they were tending to Leo, I just starred at him in awe and ordered Toby to "go take pictures".
Then it hit me.
The pain.
Horrible. I thought I was in the clear at this point, but as soon as the epidural wore off, WOW! It hit me like a ton of bricks and I tried to be strong, but the tears started coming. I apologized over and over to the nurse for crying, and she was so sweet. She immediately went and got me some pain medication that lasted an entire 10 minutes.
Basically the pain I was experiencing was extreme lower back pain ( I was sitting in a "weird" position for so long during my labor) and a level 3 episiotomy. Girl was hurtin.
It got so bad at home point that the Dr thought some of my stitches on the inside had ruptured. So "in he went" to check it out, without any warning, and I almost threw up. The pain took my breath away and all I could do was cover my face with my hands and grit my teeth, as tears streamed down my face. Bless Toby's heart. I know it was hard to see me like that. The tears swelling up in his eyes told me that he wished it was him going through this pain instead of me. ( I know for a fact he would have died. Men can't take pain like women. It's a fact.) He just stood by my side, kissed my cheek, and told me it was gonna be alright. Love that man.
After all THAT drama, they gave me some IV pain medication that helped and all was well in the world.
A favorite moment of mine was holding and snuggling with my new baby boy as they wheeled my bed to the "mom/baby" floor of the hospital. I just held him, smelled him, and kissed his tiny face. He was mine and I couldn't have been prouder.
We got settled in to our new room with Leo and after that, things are kinda a blur. Here are some bits and pieces of memories I have of the next couple days.
~The nurse made me get up and walk into the bathroom and attempt to pee. I almost threw up again and cried some more. YEOWCH!
~My in-laws and mom showed up after a long 8 hr drive.
~ My father-in-law kissing me on the forehead with tears in his eyes
~My mom buying me flowers
~Taking 3,492 pictures
~Attempting to breastfeed and failing.......and not caring. I wanted to do whatever Leo wanted, and he obviously wanted a bottle. Whatever you want, baby.
~Toby and I taking turns throughout the night to tend to our baby.
~The nurse taking Leo in the middle of the night and bringing him back to me, telling me he had a wet and dirty diaper and she changed it. My first moment of guilt. (the first of millions...)
And then we went home.
I was so ready to get Leo home to his house. I couldn't wait for him to meet his sister, Gertie, and see his bedroom I had spend so many hours on. I remember the day was so beautiful! Sunny and warm! The ride home seemed forever and I remember feeling so lost as Toby drove us home. I remember thinking, "where are we?!?!" We got home and walked through our door (to a SPOTLESS house thanks to my mom and mother-in-law) and my smile couldn't have been more fake. This place didn't feel like our house. It didn't feel like home. I was terrified. I immediately went upstairs so everyone wouldn't see me cry. (post pardum at it's best!) As I walked into our bedroom I was greeted with a beautiful baby bassinet. I remember saying "awe" out loud and going over to look at it up-close! Toby came up behind me and put his arms around me and we both stood there and cried. We were both happy, scared, unsure, and nervous...... and I knew right them that things were going to be OK. And they were. And still are.
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