Neighborhood Drama! (By: Jess)

We live in a great subdivision called "Morning Mist". We love it! It is a beautiful subdivision, with a wonderful community pool, great sidewalks and hills for walking, and looks spectacular at Christmas! But this weekend I have witnessed some unusual drama in Morning Mist, and that is not the norm. It has made for an interesting weekend, though.



Dramatic occurrence #1- Every night Leo throws a temper tantrum. All we can do at this point is just laugh, cause nothing will settle him down. So, in an attempt to calm him down, I decided to take him out on the front porch. My mom is here visiting, so she came outside with me.

As we were sitting there, I was holding Leo on my lap bouncing him up and down and it worked....he was calm and content. Yay!

Then......ALL OF A SUDDEN.......something caught my eye.

Up in the sky I saw HUGE BLACK smoke stacks! My eyes got very big and I pointed up in the air! I said, "MOM! LOOK!"

Instantly, I thought someones house was on fire and my mind started racing with horrible thoughts!

Then a lady across the street started SCREAMING at her dog to get in the house and went sprinting toward the smoke!

Mom, Leo, and I jumped up and started walking toward the black smoke!

At this point my heart was beating so fast and I got a sick feeling in my stomach, thinking that maybe someone might be caught inside the house, burning alive! (gruesome, I know, but that's how I think.)

As we walked toward the smoke, people started emerging from their homes and gawking just like us! 911 had been called by several neighbors, so help was on the way! I had NEVER seen smoke like that before!

The closer we got to the house, the more I could see of the fire. The flames were GIANT and were starting to burn the tops of the surrounding trees! This whole time I still was thinking that someone may be trapped inside and was starting to panic a little......until we were informed that it was only a shed that was burning and not a house.

My panic level dropped from about a 98 to a 2.

Thank goodness no one was hurt, except the shed!

But, WHAT EXCITEMENT!! I had never witnessed a fire, so this was a first! Leo was just as amazed as I was, cause his blue eyes had never been bigger!!!

Dramatic occurrence #2- After the night of "the blaze", I was still thinking about it the next day. I was still VERY thankful that there were no fatalities and still buzzing from the thrill of seeing all that smoke and fire! Hey.......things around here can get a little dull, so this was very exciting for me. Don't judge. Anyway- things are only about to get better. More drama is brewing.

I was venturing out for my daily walk and got about 19 steps away from my house when ALL OF A SUDDEN I heard a woman screaming. I stopped. Stood. Listened. And I heard it again. And again. And again. It was a "scared scream", not a "painful scream". There is a difference.

Immediately I thought, "Maybe she has seen a giant spider?" That's that way I'd scream if I saw a giant spider. But she kept screaming. If she saw a spider, surly she would have ran away from it or someone would have killed it by now.

Then I thought, "maybe it jumped in her hair?" (a real fear of mine).

Then I heard another sound.

A man's voice.

And he was yelling.

He was yelling at the screaming woman. He was shouting things like, "NOW YOU'VE PUSHED ME TOO FAR!" and "NOW I'M SORRY!" and "HE'S SLEEPING HERE!".

OK....so I doubt she has seen a spider. She obviously is screaming in reaction to this man.

Now I was a little concerned. It seems we have a domestic disturbance on our hands.

I continued to stand on the sidewalk, listening and thinking. Should I go up to the door; ask if everything is OK? Should I call 911? Should I keep my distance and continue to listen in? Did I want to try to be the hero? Sometimes the hero gets shot.......I had a family to think about!

I noticed the man next door out mowing his lawn. He did not hear the shouting and screaming going on due to the roar of the mower. So, I walked over to him and asked him how well he knew his neighbors. He told me he didn't know them very well and then I proceeded to tell him what I had heard. His face looked shocked and concerned. But, he also was unsure of what to do.

By this point, we couldn't hear anymore shouting and screaming cause someone had shut (slammed) the front door. The neighbor man and I didn't really know what to do and didn't want to stick our noses where they didn't belong, so I told him to just keep his eyes peeled and I went on my way.

As soon as I left, a woman (the screaming woman?) came dashing out of the house! She ran to the car, parked in the driveway, and started throwing out tons of clothes items into the front yard. Then she got in the passenger's seat.......and sat there. Alone.

Weird.

I continued to stand on the sidewalk and watch (again) and finally decided to keep walking. Their drama, not mine.

As I was walking, I couldn't stop thinking about this domestic disturbance. I wonder hat happened between that man and woman? I really, really hope she didn't get hit by that man.if he was a "wife-beater" than I'd feel really bad about not doing something. Why was she screaming? I couldn't get it out of my mind.

By the time I made it back to my house (about a hour later) I noticed a sneaker lying in the front yard of that house and a suitcase on the porch.

I couldn't get home fast enough to tell my mom the drama I had witnessed! Wow! I lot has been happening around here.

I will probably never know the details of the fight I witnessed and it will forever make me wonder. I just hope and pray that it wasn't as serious as my creative mind might think it was.

Dramatic occurrence #3- OK. Just when I don't think I can take any more thrills, it happens. I was out on another walk the next day and I noticed a man selling kool-aid. Yes, a GROWN MAN. I thought it was odd. Kinda sketch. The closer I got, I noticed this man looked familiar. Very familiar.

Then it hit me.

This was no ordinary man.

This was CHARLIE SHEEN. And he was not selling kool-aid, but TIGER BLOOD!

OK. Just kidding. :)

But with the way this weekend was going, it's possible!

Side note: If you are the praying type, please say a prayer for the screaming woman in "dramatic occurrence #2". Sounded to me like she may need it.

"Mommy Dearest" (By: Jessica)

So, yesterday was Mother's day. My first. It was wonderful! I have wanted to take part in this special day just for mothers for a long time.....finally I was able to! Toby, Leo, and Gertie got me some beautiful flowers and a cute balloon! Also, a sweet card, signed by all! We spent the afternoon at Falls Park! We had a picnic lunch and laid in the sun as long as we could stand it! Leo slept the whole time, so I'm sure he had a ball! We watched a bunch of little tike's wade in the river and chase ducks. It was so cute. We also watched a little boy play catch with his dad. Also, equally as cute. Even though we didn't say it to each other out loud, I know we both were thinking how much we couldn't wait til Leo was old enough to do those things! It was a very nice day!! A trip to Yogurt Mountain was also thrown in there...where I had the BEST Lemon frozen yogurt known to man!

But, Mother's Day wasn't totally complete. My own Mom was too far away. I would have loved to spend this day with her, but it just wasn't in the cards. She will be here in 2 days...... so my mother's day gift will just have to wait.

With all this "mother" stuff happening lately, it makes me think about my mom and how totally lucky I was to have HER raise me. So, Mom, if I've never told you, thank you for all you have ever done for me.....I love you more and more!

Thank you for being the the best stay-at-home-mom ever! I will always crave your chicken, noodles and mashed potatoes, hamburger gravy, chipped dried beef, wild rice soup, graham cracker pie, cherry crunch, puppy chow, whipped jell-o, and cream cheese bars. Your homemade dinners and desserts made my day, everyday!

Thank you for teaching me what a clean house is and how to keep one. Thanks to you I will never keep a toilet lid up and will always have a blanket (or 3) on the couch!

Thanks for teaching me to be polite. To say "please" and "thank you" and "pardon me" and never to say "fart" or "shut up" or "liar" cause they are bad words.

Thank you for teaching me that the best way to react to people who are mean to you is to "kill them with kindness". By far, some of the best advise you have ever given me. You have no idea how much this has helped me (and is still helping me) throughout my life.

Thank you for teaching me how to be a strong, independent woman. I'm glad you didn't spoil me and give me everything I wanted. I'm glad you made me have jobs and make my own money. I'm glad that I learned to live on my own and make my own way.

Thank you for not hoovering over me and letting me make mistakes and learn from them.

Thank you for showing me by example what a loving and affectionate marriage looks like. I love that you and dad kissed each other in front of us and held hands. I love that you constantly told each other you loved each other in our presence and still continued to have "date nights". I love how you and dad talked and were each other's best friend.

Thank you for raising me in a wonderful church family and giving me the chance to grow up in a church and find my own relationship with God. Thank you for showing me what "faith" really is.

Thank you for always telling me I'm beautiful no matter what......and that you can always look pretty with a make up and big earrings!

Thank you for allowing us to always have a family pet.

Thank you for never trying to be my "friend" when I was growing up and always being a "mom". I had enough friends......

Thank you for coming to EVERY event I was ever involved in. Jr High cheer leading games, Jr high track meets, dance recitals, dance competitions, choir performances, plays, awards banquets. You never missed anything. Ever.

Thank you for taking us on family vacations.

Thank you for giving me a great childhood and letting me be a kid!

Thank you for helping me and teaching me how to love cooking and baking.

Thank you for teaching me how to shop and enjoy it. Also, for teaching me that you NEVER wear white after Labor Day.

I love you more and more and more and more and more..........

T'was the Night Before the Yard Sale.... (By: Jess)

"Twas the night before the yard sale and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. My dollar bills were waiting, my quarters had been saved up, hoping that this yard sale would bring me lots of luck!"

Wasn't that cute?!?!

Anyway- I love a good yard sale! Do you?

Yard sale-ing is something my friend, Jennifer, and I LOVE to do! Once we find out when a good community yard sale is taking place, we both mark our calendars and count down the days! So maybe we are huge losers, cheap losers, but at least we are having a blast AND saving money!!

My house is filled with great yard sale finds! One of my favorite things to look for at yard sales are picture frames. I love to look for unique frames and mix and match them all up on a table or shelf or mantle! The last sale we went to I found (2) frames and now Lil Leo's face is in both of the,! Also, now that Leo has graced my life with his presence, I now enjoy looking for baby/kid stuff! Leo is thrilled to now have a set of swim trunks with a matching sun hat for the beach! Jennifer found THE BEST find of them all the other day...... a kids book about the art of "passing gas"!! I wish I had seen it first!!! Just recently I found a GREAT mini, hand-held vacuum for $1.00! (that's not a type-o) This find will be perfect for my carpeted stairs, car, window treatments, and couch! YES! Toby will LOVE using this! Lol!

Coming up on a good yard fills me with excitement comparable to that of Christmas morning! When I am approaching a good yard sale, my mind starts racing about what kinds of treasures I will run across....just like when I see all the wrapped presents under the tree and I wonder what's inside! Oh the anticipation!

When I tell my husband that I'm getting ready to go to a yard sale, I always ask him to get me a big wad of $1 bills.......to which he rolls his eyes and says, "oh Lord!". I then proceed to tell him that he doesn't know how lucky he is that I choose to shop at yard sales. If he would rather me head down Haywood Rd, I can.......

We've got another biggie coming up Memorial Day weekend and I can hardly wait! Who knows what I will find.......will it be something I've always wanted? A special gift for someone? Another picture frame? Something that I didn't realize I needed until I saw it? A piece of trash that has hidden potential? A new toy for Leo? The possibilities are endless!! I think this time, we will leave at sun-up.......

Ever wish you could forget? (By: Jessica)

May 25th will mark the 7 year anniversary that my Dad has been gone.

Sometimes it seems like 7 days.

or 700 years.

or 7 hours.

The last time I wrote a blog about my dad, it was a list of my all-time favorite memories of him. Memories that I wanted to document, for fear that I might forget some of them over time. Memories that bring nothing but a smile to my face!

Well, this blog is the exact opposite.

There are memories that I have of him that I wish I could forget. Memories I have embedded in my brain about his last few years/months/weeks/days/hours with me and my family.

(remember...my soul purpose of writing this blog if for one person and one person only....ME. If you don't feel comfortable reading about this type of stuff....don't. if it's too deep for you....that's fine. Log off. This blog is my own, personal, online diary....that just doesn't have a lock.)

I guess it's kinda weird to say that the following memories are ones that I wish I could forget, cause if I want to forget them, then why am I jotting them all down? Good question. I don't have an answer.

1. I remember his puffiness. My dad suffered from liver disease. (cirrhosis to be exact) This disease causes the body to retain fluid. A lot of fluid. Dad mainly retained it in his belly and every now and then had to go "get drained". He would leave for work looking somewhat normal and return home looking like he had gained 50 lbs. Scary. Yet, we still tried to find humor in it at times.

2. I'll never forget when "the secret was out" that Dad was sick. For months my sister and I knew something was up, but there wasn't any serious talk about it. Then suddenly there was. And no one really knew what to say. So we really didn't say anything.

3. I'll never forget his last meal, though at the time nobody (except maybe dad) thought it would be his last. One he didn't keep down for long. He wanted Chinese food. His fav. I remember his sitting at the counter in our kitchen, watching TV and eating. (and of course, enjoying it cause he loved good food!) But, when he was done, I remember his asking me for a bucket. I was confused at first and didn't know immediately where a bucket was, so I grabbed a big mixing bowl. I brought it to him and he set it in front of him and he started throwing up. I remember feeling scared. and sad. and confused. and helpless. I mean..... I have a strong stomach. Vomit doesn't bother me at all. I had been a GREAT friend to may of my girlfriends (Lindsey) after some late night parties. I am a great "hair holder". But this was different. How many of you had ever watched/helped your own father throw up? Yeah.....me either. All I knew to do was rub his back and whisper "it's OK". So that's what I did. I just stood there, behind him and listened to him throw up, while tears rolled down my face. When he was done, I took the bowl, cleaned it up, got him a wet washcloth, and ran to my room to cry. Wow...that's something I wish I could forget.

4. I'll never forget how tired he was. Or how much weight he lost. Or how yellow his skin and eyes became. It happened over time and I think we all got used to it. I remember never really noticing it until people who hadn't seen Dad in a long time would react to him and then it would hit me how much he had changed. One time an older patient of his told him how "tan" and wonderful he looked!! (she had no idea he was sick) Dad just smiled and said, "why thank you.". I remember, a few months after he had died, looking at a picture of him at Christmas and thinking, "Oh my goodness. He looks bad."

5. I'll never forget how Dad NEVER complained. Not once. He lost a lot while he was sick, including the ability to walk. Before he died, I hadn't seen him walk in a couple years. Now, I'm sure he had many breakdowns and venting moments in the privet, but I never once witnessed anything of the sort. In fact, he worked the week before he died. I'm pretty sure a smile was on his face more than a frown during this time.

6. I remember the evening Dad told me he had colon cancer. This was the "cherry on top" along with his liver disease. My mom and sister already knew about the tumor that was found on his colon and I was the last to find out. (typical. lol) I had came home from Findlay (where I lived) to eat dinner with the fam. We were all sitting in the kitchen. My dad, sister and I all at the counter and my mom sitting on the other side of the counter. I think we were done eating when I suddenly noticed everyone starring at me. Then Dad said, "Well, they seemed to have found a tumor on my colon". I looked at him. Then mom. Then Jill. The I looked back at him and said, "well.... then I guess they are just going to have to remove it." Dad smiled at me and said, "yep." And I smiled back.

7. My dad was scheduled to go to OSU James Cancer Center to have his colon cancer removed. It was a risky surgery cause his liver was in such bad shape and the docs didn't know how his body would be able to handle the drugs. My grandparents (dad's father and step-mom) came all the way from Arizona to be with us during the surgery. I will never forget the look on my grandpa's face when he saw my dad. It is important to know that my grandpa had not seen my dad since he had gotten sick. (4 years??) My dad was not one to dwell on his sickness and whenever they talked over the phone, I think dad sugar-coated his illness...........a lot. My grandparents had no idea what my dad had been going through. No idea how sick he really was. My grandpa's face totally dropped and I swear I could see the blood drain right out of him. it was a defining moment for all of us. I think I remember my grandpa saying something along the line of..."I didn't know he was this bad". All we could do was just nod.

8. I'll never forget the "park-n-ride". This was the shuttle service we took everyday from our hotel in Columbus to the James Cancer Center. I don't know why this stands out to me, but it does.

9. Waiting for Dad's surgery to be over was........boring. Really boring. I found a love (obsession?) with word finds. I did them constantly. I hate them now. When his surgery was over I remember being so relieved! We went back in recovery to see him and he was all smiles! He said (3) things. He asked about our dog (Josie), said he was thirsty, and that he loved us. We couldn't stay long, so we all kissed him and told him we'd see him in the morning. I remember being so........happy! So happy that it was over and it was a success and dad seemed to be OK! We all felt that way! My mom. sister, and (2) aunts all went out to eat the night and then back to our hotel. We got up early the next morning, all in great spirits, and headed to the hospital to see dad. When we got there...................... the nurses told us something. Dad had slipped into a coma overnight. I remember thinking......"crap". And my heart sank.

10. I will NEVER forget the smell of the ICU where dad was. Horrible. Like dead bodies. My clothes and hair eventually started to smell like that room. For months, whenever I thought about the smell, I would gag. I think I even whispered in dad's ear once that...."it stinks in here". I threw away 2 sweatshirts cause no matter how many times they were washed, I couldn't get that smell out.

11. I found a secret in that hospital during our stint there. The secret to fast elevators. Hit the "up arrow" button two times in a row, really fast. tap tap. and BAM... the doors would immediately open. No waiting. Magic, I tell ya.

12. I remember right before they wheeled my dad to surgery.....before all the coma crap...... I was teary. Not full blown crying, just a little lip quivering and watery eyes. We were all standing in the hallway and the nurses were getting dad's bed wheeled out of his room and off to the OR. I stole a look at dad, as his bed wheeled past us. His eyes met mine and he winked at me. That memory right there is one of the good ones. I'll keep that one.

13. Erin Miles. This girl will forever be a memory of this time in my life. Erin is a great friend of mine. We used to work together. She lives in Washington DC now and I miss her tons. She will always hold a special place in my heart. She rode with me to Columbus to visit my dad......the day he died. Neither one of us was expecting this....obviously. Dad had been in a coma for a few weeks and I was driving back and forth everyday from Findlay to Columbus. My mom callled me at work that day and told me to "have someone ride with you ". I didn't want to, but she made me. I went over to Erin's classroom where she was teaching and asked her if she would ride with me. She, being the great friend she was, said "sure". I wish to God that my mom had not made me bring a friend that day. I know her intentions were good, but damn. My mom and sister knew that Dad was gonna pass away that evening. They were planning to turn off dad's machines. He wasn't going to get any better. he wasn't going to wake up. His kidney's were shutting down. It was over. But, they wanted to wait til I got off work and could be there. My mom was concerned that I wouldn't be able to drive back alone due to the emotions that were about to occur, so that's why she insisted that I bring a friend. Bless her heart. When we got to the waiting room, we both (Erin and I) were in good moods. But that soon ended. My mom told me in the waiting room what was about to happen and that I could go in and say my "good-byes". I was so dumbfounded that all I could think about was how sorry I felt for Erin. (I know....weird, huh?) But I did. I felt so bad that she had to be here for this. I knew she felt uncomfortable.....being with a family she barely knows, at one of the most emotional times in a persons life. I felt terrible for her. How awkward she must have felt.


14. Whenever we would visit dad, I would hold his hand. One time he squeezed my hand and I about did a back flip, triple lutz right there in the ICU! I was squealing and started to cry tears of joy! I was SO happy! Progress!!! But then this a**hole, man-nurse,buzz kill, informed me that it was only a reflex....that dad didn't do it on purpose. That man-nurse's name was Jim. I'll never forget him. I hated him.

15. My dad loved the Broadway musical CATS. So did I. We brought the CD soundtrack to the hospital along with a headset and let dad listen to it. They say when people are in coma's that they can still hear. We thought it might help him. Or maybe it just helped us. I haven't listened to the soundtrack since.

16. One time during "the coma" dad's left eye began watering. I told the nurse and she said, "oh his eye is not watering......he's crying." I had never felt so sad.

17. My "good-bye" to my dad was.....PATHETIC. I wish soooooooooooo bad I could go back in time and do this differently. I mean, who is prepared for this? I sure as hell wasn't. I was still thinking of my poor friend, Erin, out in the waiting room. God..... I was so stupid. This is what I rambled off.......something along the lines of......"I was so lucky to have YOU as a dad. I love you so much. I will miss you so much. Please don't haunt me. Please visit me in my dreams." That was it. I even left the hospital before the machines were turned off. So dumb. This is BY FAR one of my biggest regrets to this day.

18. I remember coming home to our house in Ottawa later that evening, after Dad was gone. I had to stop in Findlay to my apartment to get a few things, so when I got home all my family had beat me there. I remember getting out of my car, walking to the front porch, and my Aunt Tracey running out the front door, crying, and hugging me so tight. That was the first time I had ever seen her cry. I also remember my Uncle Denny and Uncle Matt removing the wheelchair ramps that we had in the house for dad. I am sure a million more things happened that night at our house.....but those are the two that I remember the most.

19. I remember shortly after dad passed away, his best friend and assistant, died as well. It was so weird and so sad, but I remember being happy that he now had a "buddy" up there with him.

That's it.

The top memories I have of my dad that are not the greatest and (most of them) I wish I could erase from my memory forever.

Or do I?

Whata Man (By: Jessica)

I am married to an AMAZING man. I have been aware of this fact for (almost) 4 years now. The day I met Toby Rolfes I was immediately attracted to his warm smile, quite and sweet personality, adorable laugh, and the fact that he was by far the NICEST MAN I had ever met. I remember thinking, "wow...the girl who snags him is gonna be pretty darn lucky." Well, luck found ME, and here we are......

Like I said, I have been aware of the fact that Toby is/was a great catch. But, now 4 years of marriage and one precious baby boy later, I am more aware of it than ever.

Not only is Toby an incredible husband and best friend....he is an even better father.

I am so blessed to be part "Team Rolfes". Toby and I make a great team and he is BY FAR the best "team player" I have ever had the liberty of playing with. he is the MVP of this team. I never had any doubt that Toby would be a fantastic daddy....I just never thought he would be THIS GOOD.

It all started when we saw Leo on the ultrasound screen and I saw a smile sweep across Toby's face that I had never seen before. He was so proud and it showed.

In the delivery room, I don't think I could have held it together without him. I had a very easy delivery (praise God), but my emotions and nerves got the best of me and Toby did such a good job of keeping me calm, focused, smiling, giggling, and grounded. His "coaching" was exactly what I needed, and I firmly believe that it was because of Toby, Leo's delivery was as easy as it was. As soon as that little boy arrived in the flesh, we both cried tears of joy and this man; my man; was not afraid to let them flow!

Once delivery was over I experienced pain in my back and pelvis that I had never known. It was terrible and totally unexpected. Toby cried along with me and I could tell that he was feeling my pain. For some reason, seeing him experience this pain with me helped to ease it a bit.

From the second Leo was here, Toby was a "hands-on-dad". Immediately we started sharing all the parental duties. My turn to feed, his turn to feed, my turn to change the diaper, his turn to change the diaper, my turn to sleep, his turn to sleep.... we fell right into that routine. Team- work at it's best.

Bringing Leo home was something I wasn't prepared for.....emotionally. It hit me like a ton of bricks as soon as we walked into our house with the car seat.....and Toby sensed it. I went directly upstairs to our bedroom to break-down and was greeted with the most beautiful baby bassinet I had ever seen. Along with that beautiful piece of furniture, was a card. A card that I will forever cherish. Toby has given me dozens of cards throughout our relationship...but this one takes the cake. As soon as I saw these gifts from my husband, the tears started flowing. While I stood there sobbing, with my face in my hands, I heard him come up the stairs and I felt his arms wrap around me. We both stood there, hugging and crying, and I had never felt so loved and safe in my whole life. Things were gonna be OK. (and then he called my Dr and ordered me some meds. Bless him.)

A lot of people had me prepared for the craziness of a newborn. I was ready! Bring it! But it was not what I expected....in a good way. (read previous blog..."Things I Didn't Expect")

With Toby as Leo's daddy and as my husband, things couldn't have been easier for me. Toby has stepped up to the plate in a way I didn't expect him to. Sleepless nights? Nope. With us taking turns, it wasn't/isn't that bad. Yeah, we were/are both more tired than we had ever been, but that's what naps are for, right? I am not working now and Toby is, but that doesn't stop him from stepping up to the plate to be the best daddy he can be and missing a couple hours of sleep at night. I find such comfort knowing that if there is a late night feeding that I am too tired to go through, all I have to do is ask Toby and he is up and outta bed. No questions asked. No guilt passed. Toby has changed just as many diapers as I have. Has has fed Leo just as many times as I have. He has washed just as many bottles as I have. He has taken out the trash, filled with dirty diapers, just as many times as I have. He has come with me to every doctors appointment. He brings home formula and diapers whenever I ask him to and never complains about how much they cost. He has cooked just as many meals as I have and has missed just as many meals as I have. He lacks just as many hours of sleep as I have. He has put up with just as many crying fits as I have. He has given Leo ALL HIS BATHS. (this is something I am crazy jealous of!) Toby refuses to let me give Leo is bath. It's "their time" together and my baby boy has never been cleaner! He also has done all the "nail clipping". Something I'm terrified to do and I'm sure he is too, but bites the bullet anyway!

I am so blessed and I know this. More than ever. Toby is a gift that God has given me and for that I will forever be grateful.

Side note: He tells me he loves me a million times a day and reminds me how beautiful I am constantly..........and he dosen't forget to let me know that he LOVES my (bigger than it used to be) booty. Lol. Whata man.

Things I Didn't Expect (By: Jess)

My adorable baby boy is (almost) a month old. My how times flies. On March 22nd, Leo Beck entered our lives. God is good.

Ever since he has been alive, there are so any things that have happened that I didn't expect. Here are a few that stand out.....

1. I didn't expect none of his clothes to fit. I didn't have any "newborn" size clothes....my Mom always told me that they were pointless, so I didn't but any! Opps. All the clothes that I had prepared and washed and laid out and packed for the hospital were all GIGANTIC!!!! Is this a big deal? Not at all....just unexpected.

2. I didn't expect newborn diapers to be completely and totally useless. Toby and I prided ourselves on how prepared we were on diapers. We started a little stock pile of newborn diapers. Every time we went to the store, we grabbed whatever was on sale. In newborn size. These NEVER fit Leo and he wet through them the 1st 2 weeks of his precious life. Is this a big deal? Nope....just unexpected.

3. I didn't expect childbirth to be so darn......easy. It was so easy, in fact, I was a little annoyed! After 4 pushes, my Little Leo was here and I didn't even break a sweat. You mean I was stressin out over that???!?!! You mean I was scared to death to do that?!?!?! You mean I beat myself up and was a nervous wreck over that?!?!?!? Shoot.

4. I didn't expect to be in so much pain AFTER I gave birth. WOWZERS!!! I won't go into detail, cause I know that we do have some men followers (sorry Gary!) , but I wish I could have been a little more prepared for this part. Sitting down was BY FAR that most painful thing I did in the weeks following Leo's arrival. VERY unexpected.

5. I didn't expect to be such a basket case. I could have filled up 2 liter bottles with tears. And that is so not like me. Thank God I have an amazing husband, mom, and dog who all have great shoulders. Also thanks to Dr Hoffman who informed me I was not crazy!

6. I didn't expect Leo to be such an easy baby. I feel like I need to "knock on wood" when I say this, because I'm waiting for him to totally change and make me eat my words. He is amazing! I had mentally prepared myself for the worst...... so many people had filled my mind with horror "just wait" stories and I was ready to tackle sleepless nights, vomiting, endless crying, poop, poop, poop, a messy house, piles and piles of laundry, colic, traveling nightmares, and paniced calls to the doctor. None of the above have happened.........................yet. (Yes... I do know it's still early. Please spare me the "just wait comments")

7. I didn 't expect to watch so much TV. Ugh! I have learned to HATE TV! I have never watched this much TV EVER! I mean, when Leo's sleeping there's not that much else to do. Laundry for 3 people doesn't take that long when you stay on top of it. Dusting and vacuuming the house is not an all-day task either....maybe a 30 min task. It takes maybe 6 minutes to make our bed. My shower/hair/make-up takes about 45 min. Cooking dinner is not something I spend hours on either. So once all the above is done, Leo is just waking up....from his 1st nap. He takes about 5 or 6 naps a day. Im becoming an expert on daytime TV and I hate it. Is this a big deal? of course not. Just unexpected.

8. I didn't expect to fall more in love with my husband. I thought I loved him before. Wow was I wrong. Seeing this amazing man be a father to our son made me fall in love all over again. I didn't think it was possible to love Toby more than I already did.

9. I didn't expect to miss being pregnant. But I did. A lot.

I am sure (no....I am POSITIVE) that there will be more unexpected moments that will take place in the days, months, and years to come. And Im ready for them....or as ready as I think I will be.

"I have grown to love the unexpected... for in it is the miraculous.. here is where we are shown.. events that create our lives to be more enjoyable, more loving, more adventurous than anything we ever could have planned. Why do we think we know.. when we let go..and trust.. the mundane of life becomes the profound... leave your concepts at the door of fate.. open your arms.. today..is a good day" Marlise Karlin

Pure and simple.....I love him. (By: Jess)

A lot has changed in my life over the past 2.5 weeks. So much, in fact, writing a blog about it overwhelms me. So, as far as all the change that has been happening, I will write about that later, I'm sure........when I have more of a grip on it and feel like I actually know what I'm writing about. What I do want to write about, though, is my husband.....and how much I totally and completely adore him. Toby William Rolfes is simply amazing and the best thing that has ever happened to me. I consider myself extremely lucky......because I have Toby as my husband. I love this man so much it hurts. Toby takes such good care of me. The fact that he is MY husband and the father of MY baby, fills me with so much pride. I know this may sound "hokey" or "corny", but Toby honestly completes me. He is my better half. He is my best friend. I don't feel whole without him. He brings out the best in me. He is my everything. The love I have for Toby is gigantic and I could write about it for days and days. But I don't have time to do that right now. small whimper in the background is preventing me from continuing on. So I must stop now and take care of someone who is in need of some cuddling. But I just wanted to share with you how much I love my husband and how very lucky I am that he is in my life. That's all.