Never in a Million Years.....(By: Jess)

It has happened. The day has come.

I am doing something I NEVER thought I'd do.
I own something I NEVER thought I'd own.
I'm in a position I NEVER thought I'd be in.

I. Own. A. Van.

(wince)

I cannot believe my husband has convinced me to do this. To drive this. To own this.

Driving a van goes against all I stand for and believe in. It goes against all my morals and all my standards as a mother.

OK...that was a little dramatic. But, I can't believe I have caved like this. I always said I would NEVER drive a van. NEVER. I don't like them. I never have. They are big, bulky, and no matter how hard they try they don't look "cool".

**NOTE** this is just MY opinion, so don't get all defensive if you are a lover of vans. It's fine if you are. I'm just not. And, well, this is MY blog, so I can believe what I want. Boo-yeah.

Anyway- the conversation happened on a Monday. My husband texted me and says, "What do you think about getting a van?"

BAHAHAHA. I laughed at such a ridiculous question and considered simply ignoring such  a stupid text. He knew exactly what my thoughts were going to be. I can almost see him grinning like the Grinch as he typed his text.

I replied with an obvious answer. (which was simply..... "barf".)

Toby brought one home and pulled out all his "car salesman" moves.

Then he made the mistake of putting Leo inside. Leo was smitten with it and would have camped out for days in it if we would have allowed him to.

I, of course, had a look on my face similar to this....




We got one anyway. Nice. We all know where MY opinion stands in this family.

I don't like driving this beast around.

 I feel like I have a tiny head and a GIGANTIC body.

I feel like I'm taking up the entire road, driving like a manic, beeping my blow horn and telling people to "get outta the way! Here I come!!"

 I feel like "Large Marge" driving a semi. (reference from "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" for anyone who has seen this masterpiece of a film)

 I don't feel young. I don't feel sexy. I don't feel stylish or trendy.

I feel like...........I'm driving a van.


But, if I MUST be honest, and real.... I guess it will be useful. I mean, my beloved Pilot was extremely cramped. I had no back seat anymore and I think if I knocked Leo's and Cece's head on the ceiling one more time brain damage would have been a possibility and the Feds would have been called.

Also, when I look in the back and see Leo innocently starting up at the DVD player, that is mounted on the ceiling, watching "Mickey", and being so thrilled, I can't help but put aside all my selfish views and smile. This is for HIM (and her), not ME. I mean, who cares if I feel like an idiot driving this swagger wagon around.... as long as the kido-s are safe and comfortable, that's all that really matters, right?

Right?

Riiiight?


The truth is this.....

1. I have tried REALLY hard to like this vehicle.
2. I hate this vehicle.
3. I'm embarrassed to drive it.
4. Leo loves it.
5. Toby loves it.
6. Cece could care less.
7. No matter what I drive, facts are facts. I'm not young, nor am I sexy, nor am I trendy and stylish....
8. We are stuck with it. Forever. Cheese and rice.

P.S. I'm not gonna lie and say that the scene from "A Christmas Story" where the mother "accidentally" breaks the Leg Lamp didn't cross my mind already. I feel her pain.

Thinking..... (By: Jess)

So, I'm reading this book....


I know. Weird, right?  When Angie, our school librarian, told me about it, I had this incredible urge to read it. I have NEVER read anything of this genre before and thought I'd give it a try.

WOW.

The entire time I was reading this book, I kept thinking in the back of my mind, "As a Christian woman, I shouldn't be reading this....", but I. COULD. NOT. PUT.IT.DOWN.

This man (Pee Wee Gaskins) is.......................... there are no words.

I cannot believe the things he did.

And it got me to thinking.....

Who's at fault? (if anyone)

Apparently, this man is "wired wrong". (ya think?!?)

Apparently, he (medically) doesn't have a conscience.  (ya think?!)

Apparently, he is missing an important part of his brain that prevents people from doing the insane things that this man did.

If this is the case.... here are my questions...

1. Is it his fault that he committed the crimes he did?
2. Why would God make such evil?
3. Did God create this man?
4. Was he born this way....or did his brain develop this way?
5. Was he born "normal" and then as he grew up and developed, did something go wrong?
6. If this man would have had a "better" childhood, would things have been different or was this something that could not have been prevented?
7. Can a person be born without a conscience?
8. If people like this REALLY exist (and apparently they do) then why are we not constantly terrified?!?
9. Is there a place in Heaven for men like this? Apparently, he was a devoted Christian......
10. Does God forgive.....everything??


Just wondering and thinking..... I'd love to hear some of your thoughts.

It's a Guy Thing (By: Jess)

So, I've been in denial for awhile. I've been trying to avoid the truth. But, it is time I accept it and come to grips with reality. It is what it is.  My son hates me.

Ok...maybe "hate" is a strong word. Maybe not the right word to use. But he defiantly is not a mama's boy....at least not right now.....
Leo wants nothing to do with his mama...... and that's the truth. He wants his dad at all times. Only his dad. No one else will do (except maybe Grandpa).

If Leo and I are home, chillin like villians, happy as clams, he still wants his dad.

If he falls down, bumps his noggin, scrapes his knee, pinches his finger, or causes any other bodily damage, my kisses and hugs won't ease the pain. He wants his daddy.

If he is sleepy and wants to cuddle on the couch, it's not Mom he wants to spoon with. It's dad. Only Dad will do.

It's not my arms that Leo run into when I get home from work. It's Dad's.

Toby finds this utterly hilarious and (I think) is secretly loving it!  It's almost like a game....

Toby will be holding Leo and I will be standing next to them. Toby will say, "Go to your mom" and I will hold out my arms, aching for Leo to fall into them! Never the case. What usually happens is that Leo will whine, frown, turn his head away from me, and lay it Toby's shoulder; practically crying at the thought of being pryed from Dad's arms and forced, against his will, into Mom's. Toby laughs. I pout. It's a vicious cycle.

But, I MUST stay positive. I MUST remain calm. I MUST move forward. I MUST have common sense about this....

I keep telling myself... Leo DOES love you. You are HIS MOMMY. No one else will ever play that role. You carried him, you birthed him, you will raise him. Be grateful that he loves his Daddy so much! Be grateful that his Daddy is so involved in his life. Stop being so selfish. There will be a day when we will "want you". He's going through a phase right now. Overall, at the end of the day, YOU are his Mommy and he doesn't have a choice but to love you!!

But, darnit, can he just pay me a little attention?!?!

Life Lately. (By: Jess)

So..... it's been awhile. I have been wanting to write a new post for some time now, but nothing has really struck me as far as topics go. Since my mind is drawing a creative blank, I figured I'd at least come to grips with my life as of now....

1. I still cannot believe I have a DAUGHTER!!! Cece is PREH! She is soooo tiny and petite! Leo was never THIS tiny and I'm loving it! She is still wearing newborn clothes pretty well, but 0-3 months are finally starting to fit....a little! Her belly button finally healed so now she is able to get real baths and she LOVES them! She looks even tinier in her bathtub! She loves to stretch out and wiggle her little toes in the warm water! A standard size washcloth serves as her "bath blanket" and cover her entire body!  She eats every 3-4 hrs and is eating 4 oz at a time. She takes awhile to eat and burp. but the diva cannot be rushed, so I will accommodate! Her cry is adorable and sometimes makes me LOL! Its a mix between a high pitched scream and the meow of a cat. Sounds annoying, I know, but the cuteness of it makes me grin! She is still sleeping in our room in her bassinet, but as soon as I work up the courage to send her packing to her own bedroom, she will make the trip across the living room and down the hall. Until then, she is satisfied being in mom and dads room. She has a little bit of a gooey eye and we have to be sure to keep it wiped out with a warm washcloth! Hopefully it clears up soon! Missy (her nickname given to her by dad) currently weights 10 lbs and is in the 90% in height!! Supermodel?!?! 

2. I still cannot believe I am back to work. I had an entire 1 week off after Cece was born. CrAzY!! I feel the need to explain why this was. I don't really know "who" I am explaining it to, maybe myself?  Anyway...... I only have 12 sick days. I need to be smart about how I use them. I need to save them for the year. I didn't want to use them all the first 2 weeks of school and then not have ANY for the rest of the year! Someone is bound to get sick and I already have a couple personal days planned. So I had to "take one for the team" and get back to the grind. Do I think I overdid it a bit? YEP! Did my doctor have any idea that I was going back to work after only 1 week? NOPE!  What's the most important is that it was MY decision. No one MADE me come back to work so soon. I could have taken all the time I wanted (unpaid of course...except for the 12 days I had).... but to be honest, I was ready to get back in a routine and ready to start this new life with 2 children. "She works hard for the money". (or lack thereof)

3. I'm an anxious mess. I feel nervous/scared all the time. Like I'm gonna do something wrong. It's annoying.  I feel like I am JUST keeping my head above water and things could all fall apart at any second. I'm trying to juggle taking care of Leo and Cece the best I can. I'm trying to take good care of my husband. I'm trying to take good care of myself. I'm trying to take good care of my students. I'm trying to be a good friend, sister, daughter, and employee. I feel like I'm doing a good job... but if I let my guard down or if I loose focus for just a hot second, things will fall apart. Not a good feeling. Maybe I should talk to "The Hoff" (AKA, Dr. Hoffman) about all this drama....

4. I love Leo and Cece so much it hurts and I have a fear that someone is gonna take them away from me. Normal? Maybe. Maybe not.

5. I have received AMAZING help from my in-laws and my mom! Words cannot express how thankful I am for all their help! Our babysitter got sick and needed to take 3 weeks off. Toby and I about cried! (Well, I DID cry!) Thankfully my in-laws were still here visiting and my amazing mother-in-law offered to stay as long as we needed her! MAJOR sigh of relief.

6. Leo is obsessed with Gertie. Poor Gertie. She sleeps with one eye open at all times. Bless it.

7.  As much as I LOVE all the help I am getting from my family, Toby and I are sooooo ready to "try this on our own".

8. We are taking a trip to KY in October and I am sooooo excited about it!

9. I still have about 30 lbs to loose. Sigh.......

10. I have tried several new recipes from Pintrest and LOVE them!! Check out the "recipe" section of this amazing blog to see them....

11. Leo is such a "daddy's boy" and sometimes it breaks my heart. He wants nothing to do with me at times and I hate it. *sad face*

12. This year marks my 10th year teaching. Every year I enjoy it just as I did my first year. Ok.... maybe not.... but I really do love my job! Really.... I do. Seriously. I do. Really.

13. I got out all my fall decorations the other day and I was so flippin excited about it!! It was even a little chilly outside (80 degrees!) so it seemed like the perfect day for re-decorating! I just have to get up in the attic and get out my scarecrows and buy a few mums from the store, and 37 Lazy Willow Drive will be all decked out!

14. Saturday, September 15th is "D-day" for me. I will have both kids, all by myself, for 8 hrs! I'm anxious, excited, and nervous. Basically, I'm just ready to do it and have it be normal.

And that is where we are......as of now. 

Breathe and keep swimming.

Whore-Moans (By: Jessica)

Whore-Moans.

Hormones.

However you spell it, they can really throw you for a loop.

For anyone who has NEVER experienced their hormones getting thrown completely outta whack, making you totally loose your s**t, then I bow down to you.......and I secretly am giving you the evil eye and hoping you step in a mud puddle while wearing white sandals.

For anyone who HAS experienced their hormones getting thrown completely outta whack, making you totally loose your s***, then you are "my people".

Hormone imbalance (depression, anxiety, mood swings, bipolar disorder, PMS....whatever) is something I struggle with.....pregnant or not. (but totally worse when I'm pregnant) It sucks. I hate it. It's like an annoying wart that keeps coming back after it's been frozen off.

It's amazing how these little bit**es can totally control a person's life.  My life.

Seriously..... they can make me feel totally amazing, like I have everything in control, I'm overflowing with happiness, everyone loves me and I love everyone, birds are chirping, the sun is shining, I'm pooping rainbows, and my world is "just perfect and as it should be. ("hormone high" as I like to call it and totally unrealistic) I'm not fond of this feeling cause it's a total pump fake.

Or, they can make me feel  like I am a total screw up, everyone is against me or hates me, and  all my life consists of is an overstuffed arm chair, snickers ice cream, and Micky Mouse Clubhouse. Hopeless, helpless, gloom, and doom. Fun, huh?

My favorite feeling is the one where I feel normal. Like myself. That's the best one, and most common one for the most part. But sometimes, when I least expect it, BAM, sucker punched, stabbed in the back, blind sided, clothes-lined, they attack and let me down. Every time.

I didn't always live like this. This glorious chemical reaction within my body happened when Leo Beck Rolfes entered my life. Bless his heart.

I like to think I have this all under control. I mean, I "man-ed up" and told my Dr that I was going totally ape-s***, and he smiled at me, hugged me, and gave me some magic beans. They really do help keep things in control, thank Goodness. But, they also fail me at times and need to be given a pep talk.  Nobody's perfect.

God bless my husband. That's all I have to say about that.

My 'mones have been really working overtime these last 9 months. I am 100% certain it is because I am having a girl/ Her hormones and mine together....... what a brewing pot of bubbling estrogen!!!

I knew from very early on in this pregnancy that I was in trouble. I suddenly found myself in the parking lot of Chick-fil-a, Leo in the backseat, bawling my eyes out while talking to Toby on the phone. Well, I actually wasn't talking, more like blubbering. I know I scared the be-jeezus out of Toby and the poor guy didn't know what to do!  He asked me if I was planning on eating at Chick-fil-a and I let out a loud howl and screamed "NO! I have no idea where I'm going! I don't even like Chick-fil-a!!!' He (of course was speechless..... wouldn't you be?) and I then whispered, "Ok. bye." He didn't call me back right away....

So there I am, overcome with sadness and tears, barely able to catch my breath. A feeling I am totally not used to. I am NOT a crier. I do not cry or get emotional easily. I cannot cry on demand or bring on tears when I get a traffic ticket. (life would be a lot easier if I could do that....) So this spell I was experiencing in the Chick-fil-a parking lot, was new to me. With the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song playing in the background, I seriously thought the world was ending. It. Was. Terrible.

Some other events that have occurred due to my hormones messin' with me are as follows.....

1. Toby accusing me of throwing away his nose-hair trimmer and I screamed at him for a solid 4 minutes without taking a breath.

2. Toby casually mentioned that he needed to vacuum the carpet. I (my hormones) took that comment very personally.

3. Toby innocently asked me if Leo and I played outside today. This resulted in me looking at him like this:

My poor hubby...... God bless him. Seriously.

Anyway- this post serves a few purposes.

1. I needed to vent a bit and laugh at myself a little.

2. I need to verify to myself that everything I am experiencing concerning my hormones is totally outta my control and I can't help it. It's. Not. My. Fault.

3. To let others know that they are not alone if they too sometimes loose their s**t.

4. To let my husband know that I love him more than he will ever know and how much I appreciate him putting up with the "whores" in my life.



Midweek Confessions (Part 13) By: Jess

I don't feel like I have a TON to confess right now, but I am itching to write SOMETHING, so here it goes.....

Go to E's blog and check out some other confessions!

1. I'm possibly getting induced next week.....Tuesday or Wednesday. I will find out for sure on Monday. My doctor asked me why I wanted to be induced, to which I responded, "Dr. Hoffman.... I've got things to do!" Ready or not, Ceceilia, you're comin!!

2.  I'm excited and nervous about school starting. Word on the street is that we are getting a GREAT bunch of kids coming into the 8th grade, to which I am soooo grateful! Also, I'm thrilled about NOT being pregnant this school year! It's amazing how much my love for my job changes when I'm "with child". I'm a tid bit nervous starting the school year with a newborn! I am not taking any maternity leave cause I NEED my days for the rest of the year. I have NO IDEA how I am gonna do this....but I'm sure I will figure it out! I have a feeling coffee and energy drinks will be my new BFF's.

3. I have worn the same outfit for the last 3 months. Mesh basketball shorts and a WS Hornet t-shirt. I'm not proud of it and CANNOT wait to get dressed in the morning and put on an actual outfit, with accessories, and (wait for it...) REAL SHOES!!

4. I have recently developed a love (addiction? craving?) for Kraft cheese singles. I know it is not "real cheese" but it tastes so dang good.

5. I got my nails done the other day and paid extra to get the gel polish that is SUPPOSED to last longer. It literally peeled off every nail within 3 days. Nice.

6. Leo is ALL BOY! I seriously think it will take him falling off the coffee table or flipping over the side of the couch and hurting himself, to understand that what he is doing is dangerous!!! Apparently Mom and dad telling him to "get down" is not working.

7. Word cannot express how excited I am to go to the beach for 2 days with my husband....minus kids.

8. I have nothing planned for dinner until August 23rd. Everyone is gonna have to fend for themselves.

9. Trying to organize and plan when everyone is going to come visit us after Cece is born was total chaos and almost killed me.

10. I have contacts that have been waiting for me to pick up at the eye doctor for 3 weeks and a percription waiting for me to pick up at CVS for 2 weeks. I simply don't want to pay the money. Call me cheap. Call me lazy. What-ev.

11. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when I ask Leo to "gimme a kiss" and he does it! Melts. My. Heart.

12. I'm totally obsessed with the new reality show NY MED. Awesome! Tuesday nights! Watch it!

11. Toby came home from work the other day and asked me if "I took Leo outside to play today?" A very innocent question to the average human being. Not to me. I proceeded to tell him, "No. I didn't take him outside to "play". #1- him "playing" means me chasing him around the house and neighborhood so he doesn't kill himself. #2- When you weigh close to 200 lbs and are carrying a watermelon inside your body, that is constantly karate chopping your organs, the DEAD LAST thing you want to do if go "play" outside. #3- 98 degrees feels like 1,249 degrees to me.  His question made me so mad, I went to bed at 6:30pm and didn't speak to him for almost 2 days. I'd be lying if I said I was completely over it.

And I think we should end on that happy note. :)

Blogger 411 Link-Up with "Mrs. to Mama" (by: Jess)

So I have been following this GREAT blog called "From Mrs. to Mama" for several months now!

CHECK IT OUT!

I love it! It's intresting to me cause she (Becky) is a cool gal who handles it all....work, wife, mama.

Like me.

Or at least I try darn hard to handle all that!

 I'm sure I don't do it as brillantly as her.  I look forward to reading her posts and maybe even learning a thing or two! But, sometimes I feel like a stalker..... I feel like I know her but she dosen't know me. It makes me feel like a creeper.....mainly cause I read her blog sooooo much!! And because of THIS conversation that happened between my hubby and I.......

Me: Leo needs a new sippy that dosen't leak!
Toby: What kind should we get?
Me: Well, my friend, Becky, uses this kind. (show Toby picture of cup online)
Toby: Ok, we will try it. Who's "Becky"?
Me: Oh.....well.... I guess we are not really "friends".......
Toby: What!?!?
Me: I mean. I know her, but she dosen't know me.
Toby: CREEPY.
Me: I read her blog.
Toby: so just because you read her blog, you think you two are friends?
Me:  Yeah....that is kinda creepy.

So, when she offered a link-up to get to know her readers, I figured it was time I revealed myself! I know that I'm not THAT AMAZING that I just HAVE to share all details of myself with her and her million readers..... but I just wanted to introduce myself and say "Hey. I'm Jessica. We have a lot in common. I enjoy your blog. Thanks for writing and sharing!" That's all. Maybe we can become cyber-friends? One can never have enough......

411 Blogger Link-Up

with

"From Mrs. to Mama" 

1. How long have you been blogging? And what got you started on blogging? Has your blog changed?
I have been blogging for about 1 1/2 years. My BFF, Lindsey, and I share this blog. She approached me with the idea of starting it. I wasn't thrilled about the idea and (to be honest) bloggers kinda annoyed me...... but I love the girl and she really wanted to start one.... so I said "sure! Why not?!".  From the first post, I was hooked! I never realized how much I wanted to say, share, and put down in the memory books. This blog QUICKLY became my own personal journal and scrapbook for my kido-s. I want Leo and Cece to be able to read through all the posts, years and years from now, and learn a little more about their Mom and what was going on in HER life. On our blog we talk about a lot of things! Some posts are serious. Some are funny. Some are just plain real. And some are just plain random. We share a lot of recipes on it as well.  Thanks to Becky (author of "From Mrs. to Mama") I am going to make a blog book for every year of our blog. (blog2print.com)  I'm crazy proud of it. I love it.

2. Did you go to college? If so where, and what did you study?
I went to the University of Findlay (with Lindsey), in Findlay OH, for my undergrad. I majored in middle childhood education and recieved a teaching degree in English and Social Studies for grades 4-9.  I taught 7th and 8th grade for about 5 years before I continued my education. I then went to Columbia College, in Columbia SC, where I recieved my Master's degree in Divergent Learning.  I currently teach 8th grade Social Studies and 7th and 8th grade Character Education at a very "cool school" in South Carolina that I totally adore!

3. Where have you traveled?
Not really anywhere extremely thrilling. I've been to Las Vegas (my FAV!), Disney World (several times on school field trips), The Outer Banks in NC, Panama City Beach, Ft. Myers Beach, Daytona Beach in FL, Little Rock AK (for a wedding), NYC (senior class trip), Washington DC, Charleston SC, Hollywood CA (my sister used to live there) and The Bahammas. Some places I want to travel to before I kick the bucket are: Anywhere in the New England area, New orleans, San Francisco, England, Italy, Hawaii, and Bora Bora.

4. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you would buy?
Beach House or tickets and accomodations to an AMAZING tropical vacation with my hubby!!

5. What are your 3 biggest pet peeves?
 Concieded people. Ugly language. People with no sense of humor.

6. What is your favorite movie?
Omg. That's a tough one...... Under the Tuscan Sun. (and about 1,000 more!)

7. What is your drink of choice; wine, beer, or liquor. Or Water, Soda, Tea?
Red Wine, Dirty Martini's, Blue Moon with an orange, Corona. I also like Coke, water with Mio Sweet Tea flavor, and Diet Lipton Critus Green Tea.

8. What is something you enjoy to do when you have me time?
Shop for deals at Ross, Target, Dollar Store, Goodwill, and yard sales. I also love to get my nails done, try new recipes, and watch reality TV like Real Housewives, Teen Mom, and Dance Mom's.

9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, which store would it be?
NY and Co. (I still call it "Learner") or JCP.

10. What day would you love to relive again?
The day my son was born! Such happiness and excitement!!

11. If your life was turned into a movie... what actor would play you?
Maybe Cameron Diaz? NOT because she looks anything like me or our bodies are similar..... cause we couldn't look more physically different from one another.... but because she always seems to play fun roles. She a little comedic, she's a "girl's girl", always has some sort of man problem, can sometimes be a little rough around the edges, and always has a good time.
Yeah, that's be a good cast.

12. What are the jobs you had in high school/college/the early years?
High School- Worked as a file clerk in my dad's doctor's office in the summer time. I also was a table busser at a local rib restaurant in town and I taught dance lessons one night a week.
College- Waitress at a local restaurant and worked retail at JCP.
Early Years- 7th grade English teacher, 7th grade Social Studies teacher. 7th and 8th grade Creative Writing teacher, summer school teacher.
Currently- 8th grade Social Studies

13. Show us a picture from high school or college.

Me in High School. I'm the only one with brown hair! 

College. I'm standing in the back row, last one on the right, pink two-piece.

Most current. My husband and I at a baby shower that was thrown for us by our bible study group. We are the couple on the left. Shower was thrown in May. Baby is due early August!



14. If you could travel anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?
Bora Bora. I've always wanted to go somewhere tropical with my hubby!

16. Show us the most current picture of you or you and your family.

This was taken in March. It was Leo's 1st birthday party! My husband, Toby is on the right and I am holding Leo!

16. Where do you see your life 5 years from now?
2 kids. Leo will be 6 and Cece will be 5. Still living in our home in Simpsonville, SC. I will still be teaching at the same school and Toby will (hopefully) still be working at Benson's, but maybe in another position? I will be 37 years old in 5 years (yikes?!?!) and hopefully we will have taken the kido-s to Disney already or be getting ready to! I hope, pray, and wish to God that our dog, Gertie is still alive and very much apart of our family! I can't even think about life without her.  I don't want THAT much to change in 5 years time.... I'm pretty darn happy with what we've got goin and I hope it continues!!! xoxox